My wife says I made her into a horrible person, by being so aloof, but not caring, by being at an extremely low emotional grade level, by being insensitive. She harbored tonnes of resentment towards me and says I made her depressed. It is so strange because I never knew anything was so wrong. I knew there were some problems but one day she wants a separation period. We are going to counseling now.
I want to rebuild this relationship as I value her but I don't know what is my fault or if some of it is her having mental problems. She really dislikes school, she thinks she is completely unattractive, she thinks people at school hate her etc. I didn't do this to her. I tell her she is beautiful all the time. The only thing is I know that I am emotionally distant to her and I do take blame for this part. What can I do ?? I don't want to start writing love letters or sending flowers because I just don't want to lead her on if she has problems.
2007-10-15 10:39:01 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Anyone who sits there getting worse and worse for years and never saying anything only has themselves to blame.
Your wife's biggest problem is she doesn't take responsibility for where her life is. Sure you have some problems, and maybe you haven't been a good husband, but if she said NOTHING all these years, she has a lot of owning up to do.
People at school? How old are you?
Flowers won't fix anything. Your wife needs to wake up a bit.
2007-10-15 10:43:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hi...as i can see there is no problem on your part here. You love your wife so much as to what you have said that you and your wife are having your counseling to rebuild your relationship. You know why i said that you've done no wrong because you know what is your mistake and you admit it. But you are not emotionally distant to her she's the one who isolate herself to other people including friends, family and also with you. What you can do aside from counseling ...try to do things that you do both together like when you were on your first year of relationship , and most of all keep on talking to her and spend more time her. Do not spoil her coz it only makes the situation worst. Surprise her with some gifts even without occasions. Tell her you love her more often and be friend with her. Then when you do all of this and please continue doing this,she will realized what a great woman she is that she is loved and cared for.She will see her true value not only as a wife,daughter etc. but also as a woman. Then thats the time that she will realize and tell to herself that your not the one to be blamed for her being horrible. That its not your fault but her.Good Day!
2007-10-15 11:00:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leading her on, are you kidding me. Um you are her husband, not a guy thinking about maybe dating her. You should do nice things for your wife. You should want to. Why are you emotionally distant? She may feel like you are that way because something about her, or you are hiding something. That is your wife, and the last person who you should be distant from. She may be dealing with clinical depression. You talk like she has some huge mental issues. Depression can be brought on by stress, such as you being emotionally unavailable. Bottom line, you should be there for her, she sounds like she is having a rough time, and it may take some time to deal with, but you should be the one person out there who loves her no matter what. If she is feeling bad about herself, just telling her she is beautiful isn't going to make her feel any better, she needs to work on the possibility that she is a bit depressed which a high sign of that, is self doubt., she may need an anti depressant and then also go to some counseling to figure out why she is feeling bad about herself. You aren't all to blame , I'm sure, but you are not helping her by not being emotionally available. I can tell you first hand, its very lonely being married to an aloof person, and eventually it becomes easier to try to blame self rather than continue to try to MAKE someone want to open up emotionally. You migh want to consider counseling for that yourself, cause I can gaurantee you, it's not helping her at all, and you are cheating yourself and missing out on life, by being aloof!!! Manup, be there for your wife, and sure, you should get her some flowers, but out of kindness, and cause you are thinking of her. Flowers are a gesture of I am thining of you and want to brighten your day, not as you put it, leading your WIFE on!!!! But they don't solve your emotional wall you have up.
2007-10-15 10:56:54 · answer #3 · answered by Maalru3 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you think romancing her will lead her on then you do have problems. Think about that statement you made. Maybe I misunderstood what you were saying. I do believe a partner can change the other by their attitude. Stick with the counseling and be patient with her. She needs your love and total support right now. maybe the two of you can agree to make it a point to always be there emotionally for each other.
2007-10-15 10:49:17 · answer #4 · answered by Jodi 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to go to marriage counceling and have them figure this out for you. I think she sounds very insecure and is blaming you for the way she feels about herself. It is nobody's fault on how a person feels about themselves unless you were mentally or gave some kind of abuse towards her. You have nothing to do with her disliking school and her thinking that people do not like her. She needs to look inside herself and find what she can offer the relationship and the world. She needs to understand that you are there to love and stand behind her. It is her decision if she likes herself or not. She is in charge of her own happiness.
2007-10-15 10:49:45 · answer #5 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your already taking the first steps to making it work, counseling. Good for you. You might want to get together with the counselor one on one to give him/her a better understanding of the situation by telling them what she has all told you about how you made her into a horrible person.
2007-10-15 10:45:20 · answer #6 · answered by Perkymo 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Lead her on? Did you not marry her for better or for worse? Maybe you should try some marriage counselling. It also sounds like you are not giving her the emotional support that she needs. Try giving her a hug and telling her that you love her.
2007-10-15 10:46:34 · answer #7 · answered by Juni 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you wife has low self esteem.
Did you ever tell her she was the most beautiful person you had ever set eyes on?
2007-10-15 10:45:46 · answer #8 · answered by AussieLady 58 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds to me like she has some issues that she needs to work out and so do you. Sometimes, action speaks louder than words...
2007-10-15 10:44:44 · answer #9 · answered by Bunny 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Work at counciling and you might suggest that your wife has a hormonal imbalance a doctor could help.
2007-10-15 10:43:21 · answer #10 · answered by Simply Lovely 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋