When a spouse cheats, why do you blame the other person?

Question

Why is it that the other person is a home wrecker.

No one ever blames the cheating spouse. Its the home wrecker that apparently held a gun to their head and forced them to sleep with them and call them or whatever.
Or when a marriage is bad and both parties know it and they stay together for religious reasons but sleep with someone else, then that person is a home wrecker. I really dont get it at all.

And YES! I had a cheating husband. I left him. Pure and simple. It was his fault.

Answer 1

I won't go as far as to say that no one ever blames the cheating spouse. But I'm sure you didn't mean that literally.

Anyway, I agree with you. Just like everyone else, I'm not perfect- So I can see myself possibly getting angry with the mistress if I were to find out that my husband cheated. But I'm only speaking of "the initial blow", being "in the moment" when finding out for the first time. However, once I calmed down and began to think rationally, I would lay all the blame upon my husband. He's the one who has pledged loyalty to me, NOT some "home wrecker". People can debate right and wrong 'til cows fly, but it doesn't change the fact that your partner/spouse has the ability to refrain from cheating. There's always a choice, which places the responsibility upon the partner/spouse.

Answer 2

Oh no, wait, not only do they blame the home wrecker, how about blaming the other party for not "making the spouse happy? For forcing the spouse to look outside their marriage for what they couldn't find at home"?

Homewreckers can't wreck a home of a person who has good values and is true to his/her family. And NOTHING justifies cheating, you got troubles at home, fix them or end the relationship, bed hopping will not fix anything.

Answer 3

I think most generally we blame the other person because you don't want to blame the spouse. That is the person you love and you don't want to believe that it is his fault because more than likely you will then end up blaming yourself out of the deal. My husband began talking to my friend from work when I was seven months pregnant. She did initiate the conversations most of the time but he did do it sometimes. I think it is just easier blaming the "other" person just for that reason. They are the "other" person. I don't know about everyone else, but after I gained my common sense back I blamed him just as much and since then have started talking to her again.

Answer 4

I didn't blame her. Because I know unless they (the partner) are willing to cheat, no power on heaven and earth will make them. When the spouse goes looking, its their fault.
The other person is wrong for hooking up with someone who has commitments elsewhere, but if the spouse wasn't open to cheating anyway, it wouldn't have happened at all.
So to all those who take it out on the other person - the fault lies a lot closer to home.

Answer 5

Your right it is the cheating spouses fault. I would only place partial blame on the other "women/man" IF they knew that he was married (especially if children are in the home) but continued the relationship. Reason they should partial blame is simply that they are making it too easy for the cheating spouse not to mention probably only thinking of sex. Again you are right the cheating spouse holds 99% of the blame.

Answer 6

Very interesting -- a star for you -- .... finally some words from a woman with dignity here!!!!

I also agree that the only one to blame here is the cheater....... even though Kitty is also right because a relationship is the responsibility of the *2* people involved in it.... so if things were broken already, it was both of the partners' fault, not a third party's ...... you can't break what's already broken.

I would be "the other woman" in this case...... my BF is going through a divorce because he cheated on his wife with me. She knew about our relationship almost since the beginning and even though she had many proofs I guess she still didn't want to fully believe and accept that she was being cheated on. And then she started harrassing ME....!!!!! It was her husband who cheated on her, not me! She has called me many times, first to say that she would never leave her husband, that her marriage was in crisis but they would work it out, that there were too many things that kept them together and he was never going to be with me...... then after a few months -- now that the divorce is on the table -- she called again to tell me what a moron and a psycho her husband is, that she no longer wants anything to do with him, that I can keep him, BUT she won't let him see his kids as a punishment for his being with me. Such a *****. I guess she's just too burnt and can't accept to have been dumped because of another woman.... but where has her dignity gone??? What good does it do to her to keep on harrassing ME when it was her ex husband the one who didn't respect her and his marriage vows?? Why does she take her hatred on me when it's HIM who chose to leave her and start something with me?? I really admire you for taking this position and placing the blame where it belongs!!!

Answer 7

It always takes two to commit adultery and the second person is just as much to blame as the first person involved.

Accessory to the crime becomes a fact of law, for allowing themselves (the second person) making themselves available to the first person, who is seeking their affection.

The third person also assists by not controlling the first person through their marriage, love and affection for each other.

Sometimes it is very hard to justify irretrievable contract of the marriage when the love and spirit has dissipated beyond redemption.

However some philanderers cannot help themselves when sexual urges makes them seek out sex for their self indulgence of gratification.

With the introduction of the Internet some people seek similar philander tendencies by the use of word power and pornography.

So again this becomes the problem of the first person who cannot control themselves what's so ever.

This then lays the blame on the person who strayed out of the the relationship for another and thus we must forgive the second person to some degree.

While typing this answer I took a small brake as my favourite show came on TV police series "The Bill" at 8.30 pm.

Answer 8

It's an ego issue. Blaming the other person means they have bad taste... blaming your spouse means you do... it's much easier for your self confidence to have someone witty and fantastic and charming swoop down and steal your devoted spouse away than to consider the possibility that you were lied to consistently and that your spouse may have sought out that other person.

Answer 9

To direct the blame at the spouse would also mean you would have to direct some of the blame at yourself, because you picked them to be your spouse. Its easier to blame the other person because then you don't have to re-evaluate how you have made all your previous decisions. After all if you picked a bad partner then what over bad decisions could you have made.

Answer 10

Your friend is a jerk that wants to fool you into thinking his cheating would be okay and his wife will be held responsible for his actions. He's starting by telling people what a horrible wife he has. Next thing he will say is that his wife doesn't love him and she doesn't understand him. You need to tell his wife she needs to clean his clock.