whats the reason someone would be constantly on the 'defense' around someone who is good natured and not out to harm them in any way. For instance, having an atttitude towards this person, putting them down out of nowhere, having a very condescending attitude towards just this one person. Just general meaness when no threat is posed? Does this person have something to hide?
2007-10-15 09:50:41 · 27 answers · asked by cfv 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
After months of this I confronted the person in a very nice way and asked if there was anything wrong and they gave me the run around, used the same attitude, then when i asked what was their problem with me, they replied 'my problem is you even being alive'. I questioned this outrageous statement and they gave me no answer to it. Now picture someone saying that when you have done nothing to them at all. There is obviously some problem this person has with me yet wont say what it is.
2007-10-15 10:09:50 · update #1
If they feel threatened or inferior to a person in any way, they could become defensive...and the other reason, yes...if they are hiding something...not telling the truth...
2007-10-15 09:53:31 · answer #1 · answered by Terry C. 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, often defensive people develop that way, or just with certain people (that they've had or have a strained relationship with). They probably have some insecurities. I have a sister that is chronically defensive with me. Of course we have had our problems growing up, being so close in age. But I consider myself good natured and supportive toward her and she continues to be very defensive with me, I mean chronically. I can't say a thing without a response like "Excuse me?" And it's not that she can't hear what I say. One day I will confront her and nicely let her know that she is very defensive with me, chronically. I will probably get a defensive comment back. But even with her oldest daughter she has been defensive sometimes, according to her daughter.
But what you're describing does not sound like a mere defensive person. The person you are describing sounds emotionally abusive--putting someone down, being mean, and expressing a condescending attitude. It's not the kind of person that enhances someone's well being. who knows why the person is like that. But in any case, the person (you?) that is experiencing that person's meaness should stay far away from that person. They will only do a lot of harm to the person's (or your) self esteem. Take care.
2007-10-15 17:02:07 · answer #2 · answered by ava 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe they have been hurt by criticism in the past and they are just not willing to risk it happening again. I guess you could say something like "You always seem to be on the defensive, is there a reason for that? I ask because I don't wish to harm or upset you in anyway" If they talk they might talk a lot, so be prepared to listen. You may then have to be non judgemental and prove that you are trustworthy no matter what they say. It may seem hard but in the long run you may be able to help and even if he or she rejects you, you have at least tried to help, so dont take it personally - its they who have the problem, not you.
2007-10-15 16:58:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I've come across these kind of folks at work before. Lady's (and no offense anyone) some times instantly become defensive even when they first meet you. They did me. They act that way not on purpose,but is a defense that is just natural. It's like you plan on taking something away from them,or like they are now in some kind of competition with you. For a Man ,I think. (competition for reproduction,I think is the reason.) And Men, on the other hand,have instantly become defensive towards me ,for why? I'm a woman! What can I possibly take away from them? I think is has something to do with me being a Female Supervisor. And one that controls the Hardware and Tools Department even makes matters worse! They are defensive about having to prove their masculinity for some stupid reason,I have no idea why.It's like they are in competition to prove who is the king of the jungle,and become extremely defensive to me. That's just what I think I have figured out about the situation. They are jealous.
2007-10-15 17:11:12 · answer #4 · answered by Sandyspacecase 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Possibly guilt or fear due to an underlying secret that hasnt been addressed.
A defensive person is usually harbouring a fear of something, maybe that person feels threatened in some way?
Perhaps a position at work or just a feeling of being undermined?
A polite confontation, one on one, may be the best way to break the ice and solve the situation
2007-10-15 16:58:12 · answer #5 · answered by ants_toes_knees 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When people are jerks to other people, it usually means they're in some kind of pain. In the situation you're talking about, it sounds like you kick up something in them, even though you're not doing anything to them that you can see. I was abused as a kid and sometimes when people try to do things for me or help me I feel very threatened and defensive because it's like they're trying to "get at" me. It doesn't make sense to the other person but when I'm "triggered," I have to try very hard to watch myself for jerky behavior. Some people don't even know they have this problem, so it's probably something the person doesn't know they're doing - they just know they're uncomfortable around you.
2007-10-15 16:56:59 · answer #6 · answered by thalesgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, in my 45 years on this planet I've come to the conclusion that people who have a chip on their shoulder or don't trust people, no matter how good natured the person is, they will ALWAYS assume that you're going to threaten them in some way ( like blackmail, etc.) My ex boyfriend was just like that, and he allowed very few people into his life. He was always defensive to ME of all people. It's obvious that this person has a very low self esteem and therefore takes it out on normal, nice people just because they're so angry and unhappy. I'm not sure if they have something to hide but I definitely think this person hates themselves and is just trying to hurt you because he's angry and hurt and probably hates HIMSELF. I stay away from toxic people like that. Life is too short to deal with angry people.
2007-10-15 16:58:46 · answer #7 · answered by PURR GIRL TORI 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They have nothing whatever to hide but their own shortcomings, low self esteem and jealousy! I believe they are showing their true colors and what they think of themselves in their behavior. The person needs some help in seeing and accepting themselves for what they are. When people have "attitude" and lift themselves up by putting others down they truly need to understand what drives that behavior.
2007-10-15 17:11:33 · answer #8 · answered by Chris B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe the defensive person is jealous or fearful of the good-natured person for a reason the good-natured person just can't see. For example, maybe the defensive one is jealous of the nicer person's looks, job, status, home or partner. Or maybe the nicer person is "new" to the crowd and the defensive person feels threatened, i.e., the good-natured person is "taking their friends away."
2007-10-15 16:56:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't be so sure about not posing a threat.
Some people can manufacturer threats that don't exist.
That person may know something that you don't know about what your boss thinks about you. They may be threatened by that.
Maybe you remind them of someone from their past who constantly attacked them.
They might have been raised to compete heavily. And you may be the only one on the same level as them (in their minds).
2007-10-15 16:55:54 · answer #10 · answered by Nate F 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋