I am married to a woman who has never had a good relationship before me. She's attractive, smart(in college to be a nurse practitioner), and has a great personallity. Problem is that no matter what I do, she never feels good about herself. I can tell her she's beautiful and all she says is "whatever you're just being sweet." She's far from overweight, 145lbs and 5ft 5. Yet all I hear about is how fat she is. It's like no matter what I say, I can't get her past the ******* that told her crap just to bring her down. All her other bfs were all physically and emotionally abusive.
Anyway ladies, is there anyway to get her past all of their bs? Or is this something I'll be fighting the rest of my life?
2007-10-15 09:15:47 · 10 answers · asked by Paul 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Some men get their kicks out of belittling attractive, intelligent women as a way of controlling them. However, the women who believe that kind of crap are the ones who probably didn't have much confidence in the first place.
So, it's really down to her to work on her self-esteem and self-confidence.
She's fortunate to have met you. It shows she's broken part of the cycle. Now she just has to work on really accepting herself.
There are some great books out there on self-esteem, which she might find helpful. Have a look on Amazon.
Good luck.
2007-10-15 09:27:29 · answer #1 · answered by Sun is Shining ❂ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in the same situation as your wife. I have been with my husband for five years. He always tells me how beaatiful I am. I always blush. But anyways it has taken me this long to believe that it was true. It's along road to recovery, especially if the abuse was over a long period of time. Just keep reassuring her. Do nice things for her. And no not always things that cost. Run her a bubble path after a long day. Leave her love notes. As far as her weight goes. She and I are about the same height. I am 5ft. 1 in, and way 155 lbs. So I know that she isn't big. Like I said just tell how beautiful she is and how lucky you are that you have her. It's harder to undo what has already been done, than you think. It takes time. But your love will get you through it. Thank God that she found you and you found her.
2007-10-15 09:25:31 · answer #2 · answered by specialsuber 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has to realize....it is a hard long journey...but she can get there. She just needs to believe. I can tell you showering her with compliments isn't going to fix it. That is how those men gained her trust in the first place. They built her up then wore her down. They always do...so when people say things like that after wards...you just feel like you are being patronized. Your actions, appreciative glances and smiles during non-special moments are what she needs. Its ok to tell her every so often that you think she's beautiful, but be sure you mean it from the bottom of your heart.
And just plain tell her, that you don't appreciate when she degrades herself, when she says she's fat. You don't think that she is fat at all.
2007-10-15 09:32:48 · answer #3 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it is not something you will be fighting the rest of your life, it is something she will be fighting for the rest of her life.
I suggest that your lovely wife try therapy, have her talk to another woman and have her talk to the therapist about all of the jerks in the past that she was with.
The therapist will come up with a way to work with your wife and give her some "tools" to work with on getting over this self-esteem issue.
It really helps! I have been there and done that, and believe you me, once you talk to someone outside of the "circle" and you use the tools that are given to you, you will feel better.
In this case, the "you" would be your wife :)
2007-10-15 09:23:25 · answer #4 · answered by carriegreen13 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've been married 15 years and no matter how often he tells me how beautiful I am I say the same thing even though I LOVE it when he tells me. So don't stop! No matter what she say's she loves hearing it!
Also, remind her that YOU should not be the one suffering for her past. I hope she can come around and count her blessings, move on and don't waste any more time living in the past!
2007-10-15 10:30:17 · answer #5 · answered by Muschi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because of past relationships that were not good for her, her self-esteem suffered. You are doing the right thing by trying to encourage her but she has to be open to your help. She feels bad about herself. I have gone through the same thing with low self-esteem. It has taken a long time but I am working through it. She has to be willing to see positive in herself and not worry about what others have done or said to her.
2007-10-15 09:22:33 · answer #6 · answered by Sweet Pea 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
gazing a chum die b/on your eyes. The worst feeling I even have had in life to date it relatively is...is gazing my grandfather die slowly interior the hospital. He became into my superb pal and that i miss him dearly..its been virtually 2 years even though it nevertheless hurts on the instant to think of approximately it on occasion So thats my worst feeling. I fainted interior the hospital as quickly as I seen him lifeless, like once you die your loved ones can circulate in and spot him the final time b/for they sparkling him up or notwithstanding..i fainted going interior the room...it became into so unreal. They nevertheless had each and every thing on him and that i'm able to work out the video demonstrate flat coated..I stored attempting to cajole the rfile that i presumed I observed the line twitch alittle possibly he became into attempting to breath yet they advised me know it became into basically reflex or some thing yet I went loopy they had to take me away.
2016-10-06 23:49:51 · answer #7 · answered by shenk 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs to have some self esteem and self respect....if she doesn't feel good about herself...then of course she is going to believe any jack*ss that will tell her crap to bring her down...She doesn't even believe in herself...
2007-10-15 09:19:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow she probably needs therapy or you can look up higherself and loving yourself unconditional and see if she reads that and hopefully it works. u can chk it out first to see if that will reach her. also maybe increase her vit b intake. it is good for the nerves and stress.
2007-10-15 09:20:09 · answer #9 · answered by renosgirl2006 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hmmm.. she needs love and love and unconditonal true care ..not make-believe or compliments on purpose. Give her time and she will be fine. Show her u care in little ways and loud ways! She will be fine over time.
2007-10-15 09:23:24 · answer #10 · answered by Reina L 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋