my common law husband and i have discussed buying our own house for a long time. Now the time has come where we both want out of our neighbourhood. He likes the idea but lately he is turning on me telling me what i need to give up and what i need to stop doing in order to afford it. What about him we spend 200 a month on beer and I want cable that costs 60 is this fair. He is trying to control me and I don't know how to let him know that he is hurting and not letting me be my own person. I love him and don't want to leave but there are times when i don't know what else to do.
2007-10-15 08:36:24 · 14 answers · asked by jennbabe 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I do make more money then him and have full benefits for him my daughter and myself. I make $20 per hour and he makes $18 we clear 4500 a month
2007-10-15 08:45:16 · update #1
Hi there,
You certainly have a dilema. Rule # 1..be true to thine own self...you have feelings and you have rights.
You can write your financial situation out on paper so that both of you can see where your money goes.
You can also be blunt...Look honey...I love you...but we need to talk...I want what you want out of life...we can do this together...
Don't let things bottle up inside because that's not fair either...If you love him and he loves you...then communicate that and go from there...good luck...
2007-10-15 08:47:55 · answer #1 · answered by Shelley D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to compromise. Make out a budget for what you spend every month. I do this on a computer spread sheet. Look for places to cut back. Obviously cable, beer, lattes and eating out would be first to go. I have never had cable because we choose to use the money for other things. Anything else you do regularly that takes money should at least be cut in half or find another solution. Instead of going to the theater, rent a movie. At the beginning of the month take what you are saving by cutting back and put it in a separate account, one that accrues interest would be best. You both need to give up something in order for this to work. If he can cut back on beer or something else, then you need to cut out the same dollar amount.
2007-10-15 15:49:01 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
spending 200 a month on beer a month makes him an alcholic in which it seems you are ok with since you have been with him this long. I would tell him how you feel about this issue. If he continues to act immature about the issue then tell him since he spends 200 a month on beer then you can spend 200 a month on what ever the hell you choose to. sounds to me he is not ready for the commitment of buying a house toghether. You should be looking for your own place if the both of you cant sit down and discuss this issue and both of you compromise. you said you feel he is starting to become controlling. the first time you let them controll any aspect of your life will not be the last. they will continue cause they know they can controll you because you have let them before. and someone who truly loves you wouldnt want to controll you. remember its not just you in this situation. its your daughter as well. I grew up with an alcholic father in the home and it is not healthy for the child. just remember what she sees and hears and think if thats what you really want for your child.
2007-10-15 16:07:12 · answer #3 · answered by kayliee 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can't come to an agreement about how money will be spent, then you're not ready to buy a house. It doesn't sound like he is willing to make the commitment that buying a house requires.
You mentioned that he is your common law husband- make sure that your state will recognize your relationship. Most states do not recognize common law marriages, and those that do must meet certain tests. You can find out more about it here: http://www.unmarried.org/common.html
Bottom line- if you think you're fighting about money now, wait till you have a mortgage payment to make every month!
2007-10-15 15:43:02 · answer #4 · answered by sarah jane 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him why you are the only one that has to give stuff up. maybe he is only gets 60 for beer a month to even up with the cable. If not start looking for your own place
2007-10-15 15:41:16 · answer #5 · answered by EmmaNicole 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
$200 per month on beer? A 12-pack costs $9 so he's drinking 264 bottles of beer per month. That's about 9 bottles per day!
Is he an alcoholic? Have you suggested AA?
2007-10-15 15:41:00 · answer #6 · answered by kja63 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Show him the beer tab every month for a while. keep receipts and show him the one time monthly price of cable. The way I see it...you can afford cable, internet,and if he doesnt smarten up.....a subscription to a date site. HES BEING SELFISH
2007-10-15 15:41:55 · answer #7 · answered by jslorri 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit down and list all the "extras" you guys spend money on and then decide how much money you will spend every month on those things and then split the money in half.
2007-10-15 15:41:49 · answer #8 · answered by Spring 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You tell him to give up the beer and you will give up the cable. You both need to compromise.
2007-10-15 15:41:32 · answer #9 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not say anything about moving out again with him. Start looking for yourself, get everything together and then let him know, "This is what the deal is, you are either with it or not". Dont allow a man to dictate your life for you......He needs to check himself and I would def tell him.
2007-10-15 15:42:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋