okay, I too am struggling on whether to stay married to my husband of 16 years.?

Question

I have stayed married for the 2-3 years for the children. Now, I am becoming increasingly irritable and really want to be free and unaccountable to anyone. I can forgive him for the past, emotional/verbal abuse, but not while still living with him. He doesn't want to separate. But i see no other options. What should i do?

Answer 1

Well surely you will still be accountable to the children. They are after all yours.

Outside of that, I would get divorced there is no point in staying married to someone you feel that you can't repair the damage with.

Answer 2

Do not stay married because he does not want a divorce. You imply he is an abuser and you are becoming very irritable. What kind of life is that to subject yourself to. Living in those conditions is not good for your children either. How do you think they feel living in an unhappy house seeing their mother beat around. If everything is as you say it is the only thing you can do is leave and establish a happy caring home for you and the children. Do what is best for you and you children, not what he wants.

Answer 3

Do what's best for you.
Usually that would be what's for your children too
It's not good for children to see their parents at each others throats frequently, and children can sense when something is wrong with mommy
People always say that they stayed for the children but I think that means that you stayed so that you would have help with your children
If he's verbally abusive or abusive in any way you are teaching your daughters that it is OK to except that type of treatment from their mate

Answer 4

I can relate completely to your situation. I remained (unhappily) married to my verbally and emotionally abusive husband for the kids. Eventually, I got to the point where I couldn't bear with it any longer. We had a HUGE argument and he agreed to leave. We have been separated for a couple of months and I still want a divorce but he still doesn't take me seriously. I want to be happy and move on with my life.

I suggest you just leave or pick an argument with him that will make him want to leave. Go for the separation and you will feel so much happier once away from him. I feel like I have been released from the Prison of misery.

Answer 5

I give you credit for staying with your hubby for the needs of the children, and I must say that you need to remain in your marriage till your children are old enough to fend for themselves, if you dont you will mess up these kids lives. And I,ll tell ya why- Imagine for a minute if you divorced your husband while your kids are still young, chances are high that he will find himself some woman and shack up with her, or even remarry. Now do you really want your kids bounced around from one home to another? Can you see a new woman raising and taking control of your kids? This will happen, mark my words! I see it and hear about it all the time. If you divorce your husband you will only cause disfunction and instability in their lives. So he,s not your dream guy right now, and I dont dought your getting irritable and annoyed by his mere presence, so what! deal with it! You must put the welfare of the kids before your own personal needs, you married him, you had kids with him, now it is you who must stick it out! And Im sure your gonna get letters from other people on Yahoo Answers who will tell ya things like dump him! I wouldnt put up with that! But take it from me, a mother who has worked with and seen first hand what happens to these children who come from broken familys, so my advise is this- Stick it out till the kids are at a point in their lives where they can handle divorce, then if you still feel like leaving, go! Good Luck!

Answer 6

If those feelings are true, and you have thought about those feelings as true honest feelings within yourself then you really need to communicate that to him.. Everyone feels like the world will end if they are no longer in a relationship they've been in for a long time. It isn't. It's the start of a new life. If he is resisting you it's because he is afraid he'll end up alone. That's not your problem because it's worse when your together and he still alone. The key here is try remaining friends after the fact. That will ease him up about it all ... and you.

Answer 7

You should do what makes you happy you have one life but you should also consider what is best for your family and staying for the children is lame because my parents are divorced and my sister and I were much happier that way because we could see the unhappiness it caused them. Children are not stupid and usually know when their parent or parents are not happy..So do not leave them out of the loop if they are old enough to understand then you should talk to them about things you can also take a class called parenting while coping with divorce that will show you ways to show and reassure your children that it is not their fault and that you and their father both love them very much and you will still both be there for them. But you want a better life for them and yourself where everyone can be happy.

Answer 8

Wow my heart goes out to you.

well for the most part have you tried seeing a therapist? You should go together and also separate.

If you've done that then I'd just say be honest with him. Honesty is the best.

Most of all you two need to talk about it. It takes two to marry at and it seems it takes two to divorce.

Answer 9

You've already answered your own question.

Leave, your life will only get more miserable the longer you wait and you're not doing your children any favors staying in a loveless/unhappy marriage.

Answer 10

Just went through this very thing with my ex. Her problem was not abuse in any way. She is going through the change.