i was with my b/f for 3 years, the whole time there were other women...advice???

Question

i did everything for him, anything he needed i gave, and the sexual part of the relationship was healthy and i gave him what he needed daily...well after i left the rose colored glasses came off and i saw him for what he really was...im 99.9% sure he cheated on me the whole 3 years...with 4 girls i know of...how could someone do this to you...someone who says they love you and want to marry you, someone you give you life to!!! im so lost...i feel like its my fault..i just dont understand how a guy does that for 3 years...im so glade i left but still..how could he

for those of you who said i allowed this to happen are ignorant people...i did not know this was happening he hid it well, he finally started to get sloppy and i caught on so i left, i never new...

Answer 1

Some guys are just like that. They aren't into monogamy, never will be. They will cheat on anyone they are with, and
that is no reflection on you. It's a character flaw that they
have to live with. It's not your fault.

Answer 2

He could do it because the opportunity was there. It is that simple. You gave the relationship all that you could give, and this happened. Do NOT associate those two things with future relationships. Always be yourself and do things because they make you feel good. Of course you have to compromise, but don't sell yourself out. He gave you the whole sales pitch and may have even loved you, but with a lot of guys his level of committment in love wasn't enough to keep it in his pants (if he in fact did cheat). Like I have said a hundred times on here....all men and women are capable of cheating, and if they really want to then there is nothing you can do to stop it. Just keep your head up. Be proud of how you acted in the relationship. When the time is right give that same effort to someone else who is hopefully more deserving and appreciative.

Answer 3

I was married for 15 years. Like you, I gave him everything. Our sex life was great. I thought we had the perfect marriage. For 15 years he was screwing anything that had a skirt on. I was blind for 15 years...or was I? Maybe he was a very good actor. I think its human nature to blame ourselves, but the reality is, some men just havent got any morals. With some men, it doesnt matter what you do for them or how much you have sex with them, they just cant help themselves with other women. I worked out that my ex was just a very insecure and immoral man. He did not know how to commit properly I have been divorced now for over 10 years and I was right, he hasnt got a decent bone in his body. Its one thing to cheat on me, but his lack of responsibility and love has affected his children. They are adults now and cant stand their father. He hasnt got a paternal bone in his body and the day we divorced was the day he gave up on his children too. The kids didnt do anything wrong either, he just didnt care about them. Your boyfriend obviously has a personality flaw like my ex has. You just have to accept that there are these kind of people in the world. Nothing you did made him the way he is. Its lucky you found out what kind of man he is before you married him dont you think? Just be assured you did nothing wrong....he is the one who has a huge personality problem. He probably will never change and he will cheat on all the women in his life. When he is old and finds he hasnt got anyone who genuinely loves him, will be the day he will regret the life he led when he was younger. It will catch up to him. Don't spend too much time grieving over a man like this. You did nothing wrong. There are genuine men in this world who would never cheat on you, so dont let this bad experience ruin it for you with other men OK? Take care wash your hands of this scum and find someone who trully deserves you.

Answer 4

Some people men and women alike dont care if they are seeing someone or many other people when they are in a relationship. They may do it just in case your relationship with them fails and others do it just because they like the thrill of doing something wrong. Some people are not meant to be in a realationship they dont understand what committment means.

Answer 5

Honey, you are not alone!! It is NOT your fault. Let this be a lesson on what some guys are capable of. Just an example: My ex-husband (ten years/five kids together) cheated with a co-worker and actually had the nerve to blame me for his affair! We had a great sex-life, great love story, he was my best friend.

Answer 6

it's not your fault. he is a loser, a user and a manipulator. learn a lesson from this and make sure your next relationship has more of a 50-50 kind of give and take to it. and remember, just because someone SAYS something doesn't make it true. Actions speak louder than words.
Pick a good guy next time and you will be fine. Best wishes.

Answer 7

Counseling, sweetie... A therapist can help you understand his cheating has nothing to do with you, it's his lack of values. Pamper yourself, treat yourself to a nice trip, maybe a nice beach or a spa, and remember there used to be life before he came along, and there is no reason for life to cease now that the relationship ended.

Answer 8

this was a man u never really knew. your feeling badly because your basing it on how u felt, and how u gave everything, this man is not like u, and doesn't share your belief system or morals. there are just some things in life that we will never quite understand, and your ego is hurt, u feel no one loves u, because of what he did, but this was all about him and very Little about u or how good u treated him. how could he do this? its who he is and your just now seeing it.

Answer 9

Some guys, and women too, are like that. They are never satisfied to be with or faithful to one partner. Be glad you weren't with him longer than 3 years and contacted an STD. My ex came back and gave me a present that keeps on giving. My best. Sparkles

Answer 10

Guys are biologically programmed to want to hump as many hot girls as humanly possible. And they want sex almost all the time.

But women (usually) want just one male provider who is going to stick around for the long term. i.e. a guy who is not going to go chasing after other women.

There is your problem right there. Men and women were created/evolved to want different things.

Could it be said: "Were you to really love me Joe...you would foresake all other women and stay with me, so that we could live together and start a family." You hear it a lot, but recognize that is a female-centric viewpoint.

The male-centric version would be this: "Were you to really love me Jane....you would let me satisfy my sexual desires by letting me sleep with all these other women..."

American society frowns on this because it doesn't promote a stable family. Although the effect is that it stifles or squelches natural male tendencies. The guy is expected to just repress or control it.

For both genders-- you can't realistically expect one partner to satisfy ALL of your needs. Even with a guy who was lucky enough to be with the hottest girl on the planet. Let's say she was Helen of Troy, for example...

It wouldn't even matter. Because the male will want something else eventually. It's sort of like having dinner. You might really love Italian food, but eating Italian food every day your entire life -- you would eventually want something else.

Now if you broke out for some Mexican food once in awhile, does that imply that you don't love Italian food? No. But... unlike food... women are not merely objects for consumption.
Their desire (typically) is for the guy to stay exclusively committed to them... for if they don't, their own feminine needs will not be satisfied. And they will usually dump the guy.

This is the real reason why guys sneak around behind the girls back. They have sexual desires for variety and don't want to repress it; but they also know that if she ever found out, the relationship with the one they like the most would be over.

But the dictates of women impose this rule upon men -- either you satisfy my female desires and stay true and faithful to me; repressing your own biological male desires; or I'm going to leave your a** out in the cold.

A guy who goes for both...often winds up with neither in the end. But it is not his fault. This is simply how he is programmed.