I have been with my husband for 3 years. his son was 18 months when we met he is now 3 1/2. I also have two daughters from a previous marriae, and my husband i have a 1 year old son together.
During this time I have helped my husband fight and win sole custody of his son. I am a stay at home mom so I am with my stepson all the time. The problem is i cant seem to create a bond between us. My husband works long hours so I am the main disciplinary person in the home for all the kids.
My stepson seems to pull away when i correct him or fuss. When his daddy is here he cant even step outside to take the trash out with out my stepson freaking out . he still cries everyday when his daddy goes to work. My stepson ignores me or cries when i ask him to do something.
He also goes to his moms every other weekend now.
My husbands parents spoil him so bad, give him whatever he wants, where in our house we cant afford to do that. he is bounced around alot between us, mom, and his grandparents
2007-10-15 07:14:11 · 8 answers · asked by Kimberly G 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Both of the girls are in school so during the day its just he and I and the baby. I take him to the park and play with him, I talk to him. The only thing he seems to respond to is when i baby him.
2007-10-15 07:20:44 · update #1
I love all of them the same, i just want a better relationship with him. I want him to love me too.
2007-10-15 07:23:36 · update #2
you need to spend some one-on-one time with him, just the two of you.
2007-10-15 07:17:20 · answer #1 · answered by Sarahz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's just the age. Trust me...
My stepson was the same way when I first came into the picture, he was 4 and my step daughter is the same way now and she is 4 now. They tend to go through that clingy stage and all they want is their mom. I tried and tried and finally realized that the only thing that would work was time.
You have to give them time to out grow that stage and to feel more comfortable around you.
It's nothing personal, just the age.
2007-10-15 07:32:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is so important. You sound like a wonderful step Mom. The fact that you want to have a close relationship and you see one being favored over the other is a keen observation. He is probably sensing that and is a bit resentful. Play with him. Get down on your hands and knees and play Hot Wheels or Matchbox cars or Batman action figures or video games or whatever it is he's in to. Make time to do this...its so important. Alternate making the boys their favorite dinners or desserts. Announce "We're having cupcakes because its ______'s favorite!" Talk to your husband about hid favoritism, that HAS to stop. Lastly, NEVER NEVER discipline a stepchild. That role must fall to the childs real parent. If you do discipline them, it may forever sabotage any meaningful relationship you'll ever have with them. You sound wonderful and best of luck to you.
2016-05-22 19:11:49 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
boys mature at every age more slowly than girls. he still IS a baby. just keep relating to him in a way that he responds to, and he will respond. you are not spoiling him.
and dont forget, there is a new baby there too, that he identifies with.
if you could, buy or read a book on early childhood development. it will vastly reassure you.
i have known little boys who acted like babies until kindergarten, and went on to be valedictorians and presidents of their high school classes..
my own parenting rule is, you cant give too much love, and if he feels like he is loved when you baby him, for now, dear, that is what sounds right to me, all the best to you.
2007-10-15 07:28:07 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like this little boy is confused and hurting over the situation. You will have to be very patient. Just look at the ways he resembles his dad and you will bond to him because he is like the man you love. Try creating a ritual he will like. Something like a bedtime story with milk and cookies. He needs routines he can count on to make his life less stressful.
2007-10-15 07:23:12 · answer #5 · answered by Maria b 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went thru this many years ago with my step son as well. Your husband should no cater to his behavior or it will only intensify as he gets older (separation issues etc.)
As my son grew older these behaviors developed into really bad issues and we have almost divorced over it.
His parents need to respect you and your family situation and not over spoil this child...its not helping!
Try and really speak with your husband on this and tell him what you are feeling...he is the key to making this triangle work... Good Luck
2007-10-15 07:30:54 · answer #6 · answered by Kim 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try rewarding him when he is good and not getting too upset when he needs disipline. Always tell him how much you love him, and cuddle him as much as he will allow. Start out with just slow measures til he warms up to you. He will come around, he is just hurting right now and he is young. Hopefully things will work out, and he will enjoy playing with your other son.
2007-10-15 08:56:32 · answer #7 · answered by Ellyn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well I treat all of my children the same ( step) I have one biological son and then I have 5 step- children but when they are in my care or under my house then they are mine either way they will learn to love you as long as you are not mean to them
2007-10-15 07:20:06 · answer #8 · answered by oh_jo123 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋