I think I have been in denial and that we never should have gotten married. I was grieving for my grandmother who raised me and was like a mother to me when we met. I wish someone had prevented me from making a life decision. I feel like he is controlling my life and never wants me to make any choices on my own. He gets very angry and is too harsh to our kids. We disagree on everything except when he is trying to make up for some fight we have had. I wonder if the angry or negative behavior is going to get to the point where someone could get hurt. I feel like there is nothing of me left to give. There's no cheating here...although I have thought about it. I feel like everything has to be done his way or no way. He also wants us to move closer to where he grew up, and I really want to live where I grew up. I feel like I am always sacraficing things for what he wants. Part of me doesn't really see divorce as much different, because he is not around much and when he is, he is complaining
2007-10-15 07:09:26 · 12 answers · asked by dbirch99 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes, I know my kids ages, 11, 6 and 3? I am the one taking care of them the majority of the time. This is not the first time I have thought of divorce, but my husband has a way of turning everything around to be my problem. I am questioning whether we ever had anything to begin with. I do not think marriage is supposed to be like this. I should not be afraid to say what I think to someone who is supposed to love me. I do not think he loves me, but rather some combination of me and his mother. I do not think he will go to counseling, but I am going to go. My appt is tomorrow. I do not like who I am when I am with him. His prescence makes me more angry and bitter than I have ever been. I used to be strong, independent, optimistic with a zest for life. Now I am miserable, unable to enjoy anything anymore except for my children. I do everything for them and do not complain because I am glad to do it, but it is never good enough for my husband. My kids do well in school and sports.
2007-10-15 08:33:09 · update #1
If he is mentally abusive to you and the children, then yes, you should divorce. Do you really want to look back 20 years from now and wish you had lived your life on your terms? You only get one life and you deserve to be happy.
2007-10-15 07:14:59 · answer #1 · answered by pennylanegal 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I really don't think that divorce would be the answer but that is just me. If their is no abuse it sounds like their might be hope, you say he is harsh with the kids and gets angry. Is he abusive when he is angry or harsh with the kids? I really don't think you are being clear enough on what the problem is. Because it shounds like you are only with him because you needed someone when you were grieving. I think their is more to it but I am no one to judge that. Try calling Dr.Laura she is on the air M-F 12-3 she might be able to help you with the choices that are best. Remember you should always look out for your little one first. God Bless
2007-10-15 07:31:37 · answer #2 · answered by mimi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remember he will get the kids 50% of the time and it will be very hard for you to make end meet if you Divorce him. Read the book the proper care and feeding of husbands. by Dr. laura schlesinger.....My wife read it and now she has me eating out of the palm of her hand........I get everything I need and she gets every thing she has ever wanted and then some we are so happy. Just remember you & he made a promise, something that most people do not remember or keep. Try the book and try I know it is hard at first to follow it and viola you will have a great marrage.
2007-10-15 07:21:04 · answer #3 · answered by DanD 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to both get into counseling - just go yourself if he won't go - but one of the biggest concerns should be how this will affect the children. If he is that controlling and never around much, you want to get the children away from that before they begin to think that is how life is meant to be and treat their future families the same way. No one prevented you from making that mistake but unless the counseling helps, getting the divorce and getting the kids out of that situation may be the only way to prevent them from making the same mistake in their futures.
Good Luck to you!!
2007-10-15 07:24:50 · answer #4 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have been married eleven years and you just decided you shouldn't have gotten married, and you have three kids and now you know it, you don't know the age of one of them. Wow!
You have some real problems. I would suggest a marriage consular, some real in depth thinking before you go off the deep end. You don't mention the kids to much, who's taking them, does it matter to you?
You thought about cheating but...? didn't, thank you, I'm glad you didn't run into anyone from my family, we don't need anymore problems either.
I think you should get some consoling then maybe, if you don't think you can handle it, move on, for the sake of the kids at least.
2007-10-15 07:18:07 · answer #5 · answered by cowboydoc 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
It's time now! It sounds like you are in an abusive relationship. email me direct if so if you need to vent. meanwhile, do you work and are you able to care for yourself. it's no use to stay in a relationship that you are unhappy with. this was the "meantime" now it's the "obstacle" standing in the way of your happiness.
2007-10-15 07:21:06 · answer #6 · answered by renosgirl2006 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are obviously miserable. Do you really want to endure this for the rest of his or your lives? Think about your children. Is he being a positive influence? He could seriously ruin their lives by being such a jerk during their crucial developmental years.
Do what is best for you and the kids. I think you know what to do. So do it.
2007-10-15 07:15:07 · answer #7 · answered by OC Boarder 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
PART OF BEING AN ADULT IS SCARIFICE. PART OF BEING A MOM IS SACRIFICE. AND JUST CAUSE THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE IN WHICH YOU MET HIM WAS GOING LIKE A FAIRY TALE YOU DOUBT YOUR MARRIAGE THAT IS CRAZY! WHY DON'T YOU JUST TAKE A CHANCE IF YOU DON'T LIKE THEN AGREE ON A YEAR RETURNING AFTER TRYING IT. TOGETHER LEARN TO AGREE ON THINGS. YOU CAN BOTH HAVE OPNIONS BUT COME TO CONCLUSIONS TOGETHER! BEST THING ME & MINE HAVE EVER DONE!!
2007-10-15 07:20:46 · answer #8 · answered by JA 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well if he is controlling and abusive or harsh to your children then divorce is the way to go sorry for your pain but things like this happen to the best of us
2007-10-15 07:15:53 · answer #9 · answered by oh_jo123 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he won't agree to follow through with some family counseling, it is probably wise to end the marriage.
2007-10-15 07:17:30 · answer #10 · answered by AnnieD 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋