Teenage dating?

Question

Please only answer this if you have or had a teenage daughter.

My best friend and I both have 14 year old daughters. They are freshmens in high shcool and are very close. My problem is that my daughter gets upset with me because I'm not as open minded as her friends (my best friend) mother. She lets her daughter go to the tanning bed daily and she is currently dating a 17 year old senior at the high school. She has been allowed to run around town with her 19 year old brother and several other 19 year old boys, which by the way a couple of them have been intrested in her and she also says they are hot all the time. She has her own myspace page and a cell phone. Ok so, I will not let my daughter do any of the above. Am I being to protective or is my friend being too easy with her daughter?

Answer 1

As a mother of a 16 year old girl, I don't think you are being too protective. I think 14 year olds are too young to be dating especially a senior. My daughter wasn't allowed to date until we felt she was ready for it. If she was interested in a boy, she was allowed to go out with a group of friends. I think of myself open-minded but I do set boundaries and explain why. I am fortunate that my daughter listens and doesn't argue about it. We never just say "no". We give her other options so that she doesn't feel like we are being too protective. And, yes, I think the other mom is too permissive. I would never let my daughter go to a tanning bed because of obvious reasons. Also, one thing can lead to another especially if the girl has all that freedom to run around with a 19 year old which by the way is illegal if they do go all the way! Situations like this should be avoided and it's the parent's responsibility to make sure that it doesn't end up in a situation we all know could happen. Good luck and just keep the communication open with your daughter.

Answer 2

You have to follow your own heart and not compare your feelings with the actions of another parent. You know your daughter and should have a pretty good idea of how she would handle/react to situations. That's not to say that a 14 year old cannot fool a parent into thinking she is doing one thing while she is actually doing something else. Teenagers are pretty smart and convincing when they want something badly enough. I personally think that a 14 year old female is too young to date a 17 year old male. I think the age difference between 14 and 17 is massive. I know this may sound silly but even 15 and 17 is better. At 15, most kids have experienced a little bit of high school and that is a learning experience. I think a cell phone, when used appropriately, can be a very good thing for protection and a way to remain in contact with your daughter and her with you. Prepaid cell phones would restrict the minutes of usage and that could be an option. You are responsible for your daughter. Your friend knows her daughter. It doesn't mean that the two girls are the same emotionally. I would stick to my gut instinct. If you are uncomfortable with your daughter dating older guys, I would discuss it with her and maybe the two of you could find some common ground. Compromise is always good if both parties get something out of it. No, I don't think you are being too protective. You need to follow your heart as well as your instincts.

Answer 3

Being A Teenage Myself. I Know How Your Daughter Must Feel. I Have A Mobile Phone As I Like To Get In Touch With My Friends. And I Have A Bebo But I Make It Private So Only My Direct Friends Can Get On. Also, I Am Not Allowed To Go To A Tanning Place And I Do Not Want To Because It Wrecks Your Skin. I Also Think Dating A 17 Year Old Is Stupid And She Should Find Someone Her Own Age. So Overall I Think You Are Being To Protective In The Sense Of Mobile Phones And My Space But Your Friend Is Being To Easy With Her Daughter In The Sense Of The Tanning Beds And 17 Year Old Boyfriend. Hope This Helps

Answer 4

You are much to protective and your friend is too easy... the right thing is the "golden way" - just in the middle of both extremes.
Your daughter is 14 and what will happen with 16 and 17? She will rebel against you and then it will be more and more difficult to control the situation.
In 4 years she will be full of age and if you protected her too much and forbidden too many things and given her not enough personal freedom & space, she will quit school and simply walk out of the door and...
Why? Because nowadays teenagers are not the same as 30 years ago and mothers have to adapt to these changes, as otherwise we will probably loose our children.
It’s hard for me as well, as sometimes I don’t know what is appropriated or not. I make mistakes and feel sorry afterwards and sometimes I think, that I am the worst mother on earth... It is so difficult.
On the other hand, your friend is very easy going and she forgets, that children need clear rules, which are appropriate for their ages.
You should encourage your daughter to have friends of her own age and allow her, to spend her leisure time with this group of friends, going to the shopping centre, playing bowling, go to the movies and so on.
Then you might have friendships with other children parents and you could do on weekend things together with the kids, like going to an amusement park or going to a pick nick, going to the swimming pool...
I think, that this is the right way. At least this is, what I try to do here with my daughter...
A 14 year old should be with teenagers around that age and being allowed certain activities and not locked up at home, but she shouldn’t be allowed to live the life of a youngster who is full of age, as she probably won’t be able to cope with that in be involved in things, which are absolutely out of question.
We have to accept, that our children grow up and that nowadays 14 year olds demand different activities than in former times.
Being a mom is the most difficult “job” in the world. There is no instruction book for that… All the best!

Answer 5

Im 18 myself and i have two little brothers im protective of one is the same age as your daughter. I do think the other mother is giving her child to much freedom and i doubt it is the smartest thing to have her running around with a pack of 18 year old boys to hell knows where. As for the boyfriend situation i wouldn't be to bothered with that but i do suggest that you try to get the guy to come over so you can get a feel for him. Work with your daughter on this and don't make it a fight for superiority give her the freedom but with it place responsibility. if she likes a boy insist they go out on a evening date instead of a night time date or maybe even a group date and work with her on the time she needs to be home. A cell phone is useful and i suggest you get her one around this time it is a good way to keep track of your kids and myspace isn't harmful as long as she isnt being to descriptive with her information. Your friend is to easy on her little one and i can see it leading to trouble but i think you need to give your daughter some room to test the waters. Hope this is of some use .

Answer 6

Thats a common problem with teenagers. You are right to give your daughter rules and discipline. It's hard now because she doesn't realize you are doing what is best. When her friend ends up pregnant and a drop out she will see how right you are. Give her some sense of freedom but not total. That way she doesn't do these things behind your back because if you are too strict she will do everything you didn't want and more. Be open and honest and leave the door open for her to talk to you

Answer 7

Hi... you are a GREAT mother!

Believe it, because it's true.

Your best friend's daughter is living dangerously, and shouldn't have a 17 year old boyfriend. Hasn't your best friend ever heard of statutory rape ? And why on earth would she allow a 14 year old to run around with 19 year old boys?

Your best friend's daughter is an accident waiting to happen.

Your daughter is being kept safe, and i think it's a good thing.

perhaps show your daughter these answers?
take care and sending hugs.

Answer 8

Sounds like she's being to easy on her daughter. Your daughter might think your being to clingy right now, but your not. Your just protecting her, but she doesn't want to see that. Yea she needs some freedom, but theres a difference. Look at it this way, dating is a way we look for potention marriage partners, right? If she's a freshmen in highschool she should be more worried about studies then a ring on her finger. I got married at 19, young yea but everyones different. The only time I went to a tanning bed was around prom, and thats all I needed, I didn't see the point of going every day like a lot of girls I went to school with. My mom did get me a cell phone though, mostly because my sister forgot to pick me up from school and i was left there for a few hours. Sounds like your daughter is just trying to find her place. But she's trying to be like everyone else and is worried that if she's herself, no one will like her. I'm giving you my point of view though. Maybe with all the answers you'll get, you'll find someone that appeals to you. :)

Answer 9

I am a sophomore and I have to say that you are not really being to overly protective, my parents will not let me date and I agree with them about it. As for myspace my parents let me have one but my mom also has a myspace too and one of the agreements for me getting one was that she gets my password and can go on whenever she wants, I don't really mind because I still get to have friend on the Internet but they all have to be my friends in real life. I also have a cell phone but that is just because i will start driving soon and then my parents will be able to call me to make sure that I am alright! But at only 14 that is still young she has her whole life to be old she should enjoy being young while she can, because in a couple of years she will be driving and have a job and will not have as much time to just be who she is! I hope that this helps!

Answer 10

sounds like you are being a lil too protective. your friend's daughter is going out w/ her older brother, i'm sure the brother would look out fot the sister. as for dating there is always a concern for that but as long as you set guidelines and make sure you meet the guy before she goes out w/ him it should be better or jus tell her she isn't allowed to date till she is 16.

You can be still be protective over your daughter but a smart thing to do is get her a cell phone that way you can keep tabs on her. when i got a cellphone when i was bout 14 and i went out my parents made me call home whenever i got to the place and if i was going somewhere else and say who i was with. so you can do that and still be protective but still be in the know about whats going on, you gotta trust your daughter and know you raised her right and that she will make the right decisions cause you taught her to.