My husband told me he didn't love me any more just 5 weeks after our 2nd daughter's birth. Now he left me. We live abroad and I'm planning to go home to stay with my family for some months. I sometimes think it would be better not to come back again, but I don't know if that's fair for the children. Do I have the right to try to be happy far away from him and not letting him see the children? Am I a bad mother?
2007-10-15 05:26:13 · 9 answers · asked by guille 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just because your no longer with him doesn't mean that the kids are no longer his.
I would check with the courts about moving them without a parental plan in place, because no matter how far you move or run he will legally be able to see them unless he has done something to harm them and it sounds to me like he hasn't.
You have the right to be happy and maybe you can sit down with him and figure out a plan for him to have them on holidays and summer time, but do it all legally or it could cost you in the long run.
2007-10-15 05:35:42 · answer #1 · answered by RED 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what would be fair for the children because you didnt state whether or not the father even visits with them.
You do have a right to be happy. Even if you have to move far away to do it. There can be arrangements made for both parents in visitation given he visits them now.
He is the one who walked out the door. You can't be expected to take the crumbs left and live happily ever after where you are now if you'd rather be elsewhere yourself.
I'd go to the mainland and have your visit. If its something you think you really want, then go back and discuss your decision with your husband.
It might even be possible he has already moved on if he up and left 5 weeks after your child birth. Many times when someone leaves like that especaillly when a child was just born, they already have someone else or someone else in mind................ Doesnt mean he does, just a thought. Going to the mainland for a month might clear up alot of the issue with him. It might be clear when you come back.
Your children are better to live with a happy mommy than a mommy who isnt. Many parents don't stay in the same neighboorhood. Sad but sometimes it doesnt work that way and if you stay it doesnt guarntee he will be a father. You will have to consider all of that with how well you know him. Although sometimes its opposite of what we expect.
2007-10-15 05:47:52 · answer #2 · answered by savahna5 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you live in the U.S. you might not be able to take your children anywhere. You have to wait until the divorce papers are drawn up and READ them very carefully because usually they will state that you can not remove the children more than an hour from the county they lived in prior to the divorce. If you do so your spouse can have you arrested and charged with kidnapping. Then NO ONE will be going to stay with your family because you'll be in prison, your husband will have full and sole custody and you will be lucky to get suprivised visits when you get out of prison.
2007-10-15 08:56:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not a bad mother if you really believe that living somewhere away from him will make you happy then go for it. I'm sure if he wants to see the children that bad he will come and see them right? He just wants to see you hurt but just show him that you are better off without him and that you can move on without him there. Best of Luck to You and I'm sorry for your loss but remember the grass is greener on the other side.
2007-10-15 05:35:34 · answer #4 · answered by moringurl20 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not a bad mother. You are already thinking about your children before yourself, otherwise you would aready be home and not going back. You need to be where you feel the most comfortable. I don't know how old your oldest is, but most likely she won't be able to remember living near her dad and will easily adjust to her new surroundings.
Try to work out a visitation schedule with your ex before you leave and make sure it states who pays for the travel etc.
2007-10-15 05:32:55 · answer #5 · answered by Mom of 2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your husband told you he didn't love you anymore and left you he may have already had someone else. you have every right to do what is right for the children and yourself and - depending upon the country you are in - it may be that getting them them away is in the best interest of the children in the long run
2007-10-15 05:41:05 · answer #6 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You would actually need to set up some kind of custody and support arrangements. Otherwise it could be considered abandonment and kidnapping.
I don't blame you for wanting to leave him and take the kids away but unfortunately that would cause more trouble than happiness.
2007-10-15 05:40:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit down with him and talk about your children's future before doing something drastic and/or you may later regret.
Try to find out why the relationship is ending and see if you can fix it... If not, do what is best for your kids!!!
2007-10-15 05:30:31 · answer #8 · answered by JJT34 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do whats best for you and the kids. He did what he felt was best for himself.
2007-10-15 05:36:50 · answer #9 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋