My bf broke up with me after 4 years b/c he was suddenly unhappy and I took the break up badly. I also asked him back but he told me to not have hope, he wants to be single, and told me to find another man.
I haven't contacted him since and I just want to know if he might one day call back. In a way, I keep blaming myself that i drove him away when i kept pestering him to come back during those weeks after we broke up. I should've stopped contacting him the minute we broke up, that way he may actually have time to clear his thoughts, I guess I kept wanting to know the final decision but it only made him seal the deal. I feel like it's all my fault. HAVE I LOST MY PRIDE OR DIGNITY BY ASKING HIM TO RECONSIDER? I really regret asking him to come back and I feel embarassed that I stooped so low. How can I stop feeling this way? If i don't do anything for his bday or call him, do u think he will still think I am not over him? I also want to know if other people's ex's called or came back?
2007-10-15 05:15:32 · 15 answers · asked by GirlinTrouble 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
they always do!...dont go chasing him, and when u see him act like u didnt see him, smile and be carefree....that will drive them nuts.
2007-10-15 05:19:08 · answer #1 · answered by butterfly_kisses81501 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that you have to think this over for yourself... Would you feel bad about what you did in a year or two? Would you feel bad if you hadn't asked him to reconsider?
If the answer to the second question is yes, then Yes, you did the right thing. Pride or dignity is not something you can loose that easily... you might be hurt because you were open and honest with your feelings and others make fun or take advantage of that, but that doesn't make you loose pride or dignity.. this only means that they are not the right persons to interact with.
As for your second question. Do you WANT to do something for him? You are not entitled to, but a small gesture (A SMALL ONE) is not too bad if you want too.. don't go and throw him a party or something... you might feel used or so if it does not give the reaction you've been hoping for...
Go on with your life.. if he's supposed to be yours, he'll come back
2007-10-15 12:41:19 · answer #2 · answered by lievedebs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get therapy. When you stoop so low and constantly ask someone back because your life is meaningless without this person, you have a problem, it's called dependency. Get professional help, I am serious about this. Breakups hurt, but not that much.
I have been in your shoes, and this person came back after 4 years, toyed with my feelings and then just wanted to be friends, started dating someone,asked me advice on his relationship, broke up, asked me out, started a relationship with another person, etc... We are supposed to be friends after 7 years, although he has taken me from his msn, I haven't had contact with him for months. You can't build your life around this person's return. It's a waste of time and energy that you should be investing on yourself. Don't blame yourself, he's the one who left in the first place.
Get help, stay close to friends and people who care about you, pamper yourself, buy yourself gifts, get a pedicure, a massage, a bubble bath. Your heart is delicate, don't put it into more stress by allowing this jerk to regect you again and again and again.
I know it is hard, but you will get over it, you will find someone else, and you will be happy. You need to give your new life a chance, though.
2007-10-15 12:30:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Send him a simple Birthday card, nothing about love, just a simple card, perhaps a funny one. That way he knows you still think about him, but you are not obsessed.
Try to move on. I know your heart is broke right now, but it will mend. He has let you know where he stands. He is not ready to be involved.
Do not let him be the center of your world. Now is the time to focus on you. Become a strong person without him. As I am known to say, think of the old adage, "IF YOU LOVE SOMETHING, SET IT FREE, IF IT COMES BACK TO YOU, IT WAS ALWAYS YOURS, AND IF NOT IT NEVER WAS".
Sounds like this one wasn't meant to be. Grow from it, learn from it, and move on. Good luck
2007-10-15 12:29:50 · answer #4 · answered by tammie h 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do nothing except have a great life without him. You will go though the pain of separation and all these feelings are normal and everyone else who has broken up has had them. You want him because he is what you know - it is familiar and safe - but he left you to go have sex with other women - that is what I want to be single means.
You need to learn to love who you are, people are not defined by their relationships. you have to be a whole person and learn to be happy with yourself. A good relationship is not dependent, it isn't 2 halve of one whole - a good relationship is 2 fully independent people who actually want to be with each other even though they dont have to be.
You are suffering though a normal period of mourning and you will get through it, if you are finding it too difficult please seek some professional counseling to work on your feelings and your self esteem. You dont want this guy back , you just dont want to be alone.
2007-10-15 12:28:05 · answer #5 · answered by mraandmisse 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why in the world do any of us want the ex to come back? Is something that is bad better than nothing? It appears we care little about our own happiness and self-worth and more about resuming something familiar, even if it is painful.
Please don't give birthdays or anniversaries a second thought. Please don't be waiting to take someone back who rejected you once.
Breakups are caused by only one. It is natural for the other to try to maintain. Forgive yourself.
You have to look elsewhere. Close that chapter. Begin a new story.
C. :)!!
2007-10-15 12:31:27 · answer #6 · answered by Charlie Kicksass 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Uhm, my ex came back... 5 Months ago after he broke up with me. Sometimes men just need space, time to think, clear their heads out. You didn't mention how long he's been gone for. But I'm assuming a month or more. Just give it time I guess... I'm sure you have your eye on another man, give it a shot?... Just keep your eye open for your ex. At least ask to be friends with him. 4 Years, WOW, if he's not able to be your friend after that long... I'm not sure what kind of boyfriend that was...
2007-10-15 12:22:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
An ex can and will only come back if you allow them and/or if they want to. He broke up with you which means he wants out. I wouldnt ask, beg, or even suggest a man come back to me because I couldnt trust him to not do it again, and I wouldnt want ANY man to be with me that didnt want to but only did so because I asked or begged AND my pride is my friend. Dont look for him to come back ...look for you to be able to muster up the ability to handle the break up better and eventally move on.
2007-10-15 12:30:05 · answer #8 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
look coming from a mans point of view u should of gave him a little time... he might of just wanted to see if you where the person that he wanted to be with and instead of cheating on you we wanted a break...men cant really say what they want all truthful so we come up with something else trust me me and my wife are going on 10years and I'm only 27 and she 26 that say alot...you should of gave space and a little time i know you were hurt but thats what we might of needed...you might of killed or not its hard to tell...i say call him for his b-day but only as a friend say something like just wanted to say happy b-day.... that was 4 years of your life together and he might be a little hurt if you didn't but DONT say anything about getting back together...its like the old saying goes "if you love something let it go, of it comes back its yours if not it never was.
2007-10-15 12:31:43 · answer #9 · answered by fgs20058 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
.dot start pulling yourself to pieces. because you ask your ex to reconsider. you were with him for four years any body being with a person that long is bound to be very emotional. you have great feelings for this person. and the break up as left you devastated please don't be critical of yourself. you will get over him. there is plenty of guys out there for you. i wish you well good luck.
2007-10-15 12:28:47 · answer #10 · answered by willy wom bat 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is your ex for a reason and you need to remember that. You can't make someone love you. Just let the man live his life in peace and go find yourself someone else, because he is done with you.
2007-10-15 12:19:45 · answer #11 · answered by Simply Lovely 6 · 6⤊ 0⤋