fOr so many times I let her unDerstand bUt...?

Question

I have this friend of mine..Oh well she's not just a friend but a very closed friend rather. I treat her like my younger sister when in fact she's 2 years older from me ( I'm 19 still). I found her very different from the others that I've met through out my journey in this world. We share each others feelings, emotions and ideas. There's no doubts that we really enjoy each others company and that we really adore, appreciate and treasure this friendship we both actually have. Everything was running smoothly if only it wasn't because of this guy who just suddenly appeared.. my friend begins admiring him so much. And now the but here is... she's so damn insecure at me and that there are times she gets jealous of me already because of what she said that I have this charm that can turn men on(awww. Dnt get me wrong. Shes also attractive but in a very different way. She just havent notice it because of her very low self-esteem but damn! Shes pretty gorgeous!). I wanted to get mad at her but I really cant. She's so very important to me and she's the only one who cAn make me happy in times I felt so down. Yeah I understand her because this is her first time. You know ,,,feeling something special towards the opposite sex. She never had a boyfriend and the thought of knowing she cant have this guy only made her freakishly sad. She would always think that this guy really dont like her and that I am the one whom he likes instead. S***! he is just a guy! I mean, I dont want losing a friend over a boy?! Hello!??! that's insane! But how can I let her understand? She would always say sorry to me and that she's guilty because of those damn crappy thoughts she had in mind. For so many times I explain to her everything. Let her realize. But the feeling she had inside is too painful to forget it just like that. She really wanted to let go but she just cant. She seems so confused. She would ask me a lot of times how to help her and all I did was to keep on explaining and letting her see the bright sides of life. (sigh) Please help me how to open her mind and heart. I really dont want to let this friendship ends into nothing.

Answer 1

hi ... your friend does seem to lack confidence and probably has a low threshold of self-esteem

there is quite a lot of information on self-esteem self-help if you do a yahoo search.

you could let your friend know that you feel she puts herself down all too often, and it's not fair of her to beat herself up like she does.

perhaps she could look into improving her self esteem or even talk with a therapist? there has to be a reason she's lacking confidence, and im' sure it may have something to do with the way she was treated growing up -- that's usually the issue.

Good friends talk with each other.

take care in the meantime.

Answer 2

Oh i feel pity for your friend. I understand that she's going through something difficult since she wanted something so badly unfortunately this boy just ignores and makes her feel such a crap. But the worst thing that could happen is the thing that she seems to fear the most is when seeing this guy falling for you instead of her which would sound like you hurt terribly and betrayed her. I guess what's keeping her on her feet for now is bec. she trusts you that you will respect her feelings towards this guy and expects you not to flirt with him for chances will be really high that she'd be really depressed when you two would be together. You wouldn't be happy seeing your friend to be silently suffering rejection & inner pain while you are enjoying the company of this boy?You should value your friendship enough to her respect her. Just to try to assure to her you won't go out with this guy,guyz come and go and friends there is only one of a kind so think about your friend coz she would be mad at u.Though she may not show it, it doesn't mean she's not hurting deep inside,these kind of feelings don't go away instantly,it'd even take years for some to forget their big crush. Just keep your communication open, true friends don't stab behind one's back. She's showing signs of low self-esteem esp that she has not ever felt loved by a guy in her life as u said.And being rejected by the only guy she currently digs is pretty devastating.This can be dangerous since it can lead to a chronic depression.She will really thank you and love you for being respectful to her feelings.I think this is a test of your friendship to her, if you don't want to end it into nothing, then do your best to make her feel special and loved.