My husband and I have been married for 3 1/2 months. I love him with all my heart, but I'm feeling I'm not enough for him. He rarely talks to me when he gets home from work and makes no action toward having a romantic relationship with me. I tried talking to him about my need for affection last night and it turned into a huge fight. He says I'm not giving him enough intelligent coversation and so he's given up trying to talk to me. He said he thought I was someone that wanted to make a differnce in the world and now he feels I'm not; I'm a teacher.
I'm heartbroken. I have been trying to take an interest in all his activities and interests, but I'm not doing enough apparently. He says he loves me, but he also references how bad things have been lately. I didn't know how bad off things were until we talked last night. I barely slept I'm so upset and am now missing work over this. And it's possible that I'm pregnant. I wouldn't have let this happen if I had known. Help please.
2007-10-15 05:04:41 · 11 answers · asked by ? 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We moved to a new area, so I don't have any friends in the area to go out with... another problem I've posted on here about. I need to get my own life, but don't know how or where to find the time.
2007-10-15 05:29:32 · update #1
You need marriage counseling. There are some definite communication issues here.
Calm down. This can all work out if you are both willing to work on it.
Good Luck. Get some counseling.
2007-10-15 05:24:56 · answer #1 · answered by Tadpoler 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't believe that you need to have intelligent conversations daily. He sounds like he has a big ego and can't see that what he is doing is wrong. You state that you are trying to show some interest in his activities/interests but how about yours, has he shown any in yours.
I can't say that my husband and I have deep, intelligent conversations daily, it's more of how was your day, how was work anything new and interesting happen... etc. On occasion we will have deep conversations but it's not required. He's intelligent in some ways and I'm intelligent in others, we both know this and know not to cross the line ... name calling is not the way.
My husband was never the type to show daily affection (kiss,hug etc.) I basically showed him daily and years later he does it without prodding him or doing it first. Some men just aren't brought up that way and they don't understand the need for it. It's up to you to show him what your after and hope he'll understand why it's necessary.
I suggest that you sit down and figure out what you want from this relationship and what he can do to make it feel like one. Ask him what he expect from you and what you can do to make it better. Tell him how you have been feeling and how lost, lonely and depressed your are because of it. Be honest upfront and find ways to get things better. A husband worth keeping will always be willing to do his fair share or more to keep the love of his life. Don't ever think that it's your fault, it takes two to make a marriage and there is always room for change or compromise.
2007-10-15 06:44:45 · answer #2 · answered by trojan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm having a similar problem with my boyfriend right now. We've been dating for 6 months and everything was wonderful until just recently. His moods change so frequently with me now that it makes me wonder if he's bipolar. Last week he was amazing; he did great things for me. Yesterday he was awful to me all day and still wanted to go out with me to 80s night later on. I went out with my friends instead because by that time he had been such an a** all day I just didn't want to be around him. We don't officially live together but he stays at my apartment all the time, and when I got home last night he wasn't even here. His truck is here but the bike is gone. It's almost noon now and I still haven't heard from him although I left a voicemail last night letting him know I was home. A very similar situation occured last weekend as well.
I don't know if I have any great advice to give to you except to say that I'm going through something similar and I'm at my wits end. I've tried communicating with him a lot and it's just not working. It seems you've done the same, but maybe you should consider seeing a marriage counselor for this one. Some professional insight might be the only thing that could save your relationship. I've never seen a counselor, but I had a professor who worked as one and he told us a lot of stories involving couples' problems and the solutions he came up with for them. Give it a try. Good luck; I wish you happiness.
2007-10-15 05:22:48 · answer #3 · answered by stoked2290 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you never talked enough before the marriage and now he is having second thoughts. He doesn't love you or he would be talking to you .Don't think that you are not enough for him , but that he is not enough for you. There is something wrong with a man married that sort a period of time and doesn't want romance with his wife!! You can try counseling but I suspect he thinks it is you and won't go but the counseling may help you out. I suspect that he just wants the control over youand although you are heartbroken now, it will get far worse if you stay with him.
Tell yourself that this is not what you were married for and the person you love is not who he lead you to believe he was. Move out and move on and there will be a person out there who loves you without putting a lot of blame on you, like this guy is. Your husband is an emotional parasite and you are his victim.
2007-10-15 05:31:08 · answer #4 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are giving your husband your identity, don't do this, keep your own interests, friends, doing things that you did before marriage. This makes for and interesting conversation when you do come together. Teachers do make a difference in the world, period. It's not that you aren't doing enough, you are trying to do too much. Set up some boundaries. Don't miss work, and if you are pregnant see a OB. Try to stay upbeat, and when he sees that you are happy living your own life, he just might want to be part of it again. Good Luck.
2007-10-15 05:26:50 · answer #5 · answered by Len 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Make LOVE your top priority. Both of you should read: Corinthains I:1-13; and get back to being in love with each other. You both need to look at your lives together and find out where you are both going wrong; talk to each other (without arguing; be loving constantly; you both can heal your hurts by and mend both your hearts by keep thinking of the right way to love each other. Be best friends.
The Lord's love will keep you both right. If you both keep the rules of love in Corinthians, you'll both feel love and happiness again... (and it will last). If you think an argument is about to break out or you start to feel hurt:- THINK LOVE; FEEL LOVE... and your hurt will heal... and you will feel love again.
He should accept you for the person that you are and overlook your faults; and you should do the same for him.
If you have a computer at home and are linked up to the Internet, please look up (Love Verses): hold on to his hand or put your arms around him, when you both view this,
http://www.interviewwithgod.com/lovemovie/
This is the only sollution that will work. So many married/unmarried couples go through life without living out the true spirit of love; they won't make it - but you two will if you both stick to the rules of REAL LOVE - God's love.
2007-10-15 05:38:45 · answer #6 · answered by Samantha 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well this is the part that means getting adjusted. You don't have to show interest in everything you husband does to interest him he needs to step up to the plate to and take some responsobility. Takes two to tange. Its part and parcel of being married, adjusting to living with someone, compromising and communicatio so the you can work together rather than working against eachother. Don't worry there is nothing wrong with you. You husband is now just realizing that Oh Sh1t ! I am married...... Sad but the honey moon ended too fast in your home.
2007-10-15 05:15:39 · answer #7 · answered by jimmy.parker06 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's probably just feeling a little moody. Perhaps he needs some time to adjust to the new marriage. Maybe he just needs a big TIME OUT ! :)
If he behaves bad, walk away from him and pay him no attention. When he is good to you, give him a little attention. Behavior modification works with little people, it should work with big people, too. Try not to give all of his moods and opinions alot of importance - maintain a strong sense of self, even though you are married.
2007-10-15 05:36:33 · answer #8 · answered by oh really 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honey i am sooo sorry you had to find out that men are all asses at some point in time you need to be the person you was before marriage and be independant becuase it sounds like you are trying to be a model wife instead of the intellectual woman that he married and it isnt bad that is for sure but something is bothering him maybe he has had time to think about the death do us part thing and now hes trying to deal with it which everyman has to deal with at some point in time it took me 5 yrs to propose to my wife and another 5 to set a date and then about 10 after to come to grips with the marriage thing and that is my second time lol so give it time and be your own person and make a difference but do it for yourself not someone else
2007-10-15 05:19:25 · answer #9 · answered by the_orc_1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you deeply understand that conditions in which circumstances he's used to talk with you and Y. and take analysis of each & every activity personal advise is that you don't accept baby right now first you have to make your space in his heart with conformation,than take another step.
2007-10-15 05:13:39 · answer #10 · answered by MS 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋