Everytime they have to go to a party for my ex or his wife or any one else, they moan and groan about it for a week in advance. So I get the message that it is just a pain in the rear for them to go to these parties. I don't want to be just another "obligation" that they have to get out of the way. So I told them "I just don't like all the attention." Now they are acting like I am a nut. Also, they end up spending a fortune everytime they take me to dinner, etc. $200.00 bottles of wine and I don't even drink. A card would do just fine for me. I know that they love me and other than this birthday thing, we have a great relationship. How do I get them to understand?
2007-10-15 05:02:19 · 9 answers · asked by Collinwood 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Suggest to them some ideas that you would rather do instead. maybe they just don't know what else to do so they are sticking to routine.
2007-10-15 05:11:00 · answer #1 · answered by ~NIKKI~ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you could try saying something like "This year I just want to sit home and relax", I'll have a cake if anyone wants to stop by for a slice but a nice night in sounds good". This comment would also cover dinner out.
If you enjoy the parties, seeing everyone and all, then have one. Your children probably don't feel quite the way it might appear.
Sometimes when we feel overwhelmed, we will pick things to complain about just to nag........ Life runs a t a fast pace for many these days. However, it doesn't mean they don't enjoy sitting at this party with all their loved ones celebrating a birthday. How many times do we complain about something we have a time set for but we actually like going if really stopped and asked???
Pay attention to your children at these get togethers and see if all that blah, blah complaining prior appears to be how they really feel or if they seem to be enjoying it.
Another suggestion is to pool the birthdays. Have one or two parites a year. Draw out of a hat and see which 1 or 2 will be that year and continue until all the names are out. Possibly adjusting the names to accomindate any bad health and relocation and such that might come up. Then it limits the amount of parties in the year but the getting together can still be enjoyed.
There also might be a reason they complain about going to the othe places.....maybe they dont enjoy them?? Or maybe the negitive comments are their way of making you feel its not a big deal in hopes you wont feel left out or hurt on those party days?
2007-10-15 05:25:30 · answer #2 · answered by savahna5 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not sure they are the ones that need to understand. There is a big difference between WANTING to give someone a party and feeling obligated to attend a party.
As we get older sometimes doing what other people want us to do is the best gift we can give them. Parties for ex's and their wives or other things they are forced to attend that may not be convenient or important to them are very different than them getting together and wanting to have an event for you.
I would explain to them what you are feeling, tell them you love them and know how busy they all are and you dont want to be a bother like (whoever they have complained about). Tell them you know they love you and that a big party is not needed for you to know they love you. If they insist then just go and drink that $200 bottle of wine and have a GREAT time basking in the joy of your family.
Happy Birthday!
2007-10-15 05:20:08 · answer #3 · answered by mraandmisse 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd be honored if mine did that. You should be too. Let them do it, it will be fun to be made over for a day. I gave my grandparents birthday and anniversary parties just about every year, and they were in their late 60' 70s, and 80's they ALWAYS loved it! It really shows how much you are loved. Let them do it and have a great time. You can always say on the invitation (no gifts please) like I did for my grandparents. They brought gifts anyway, but they didn't have to. However if you REALLY don't want it, just tell them you don't want it. (Maybe you won't be there)
2007-10-15 05:21:21 · answer #4 · answered by JBWPLGCSE 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hum... maybe you'll have to put up with their affection. or else take a trip or something. sounds like you hate it when birthday comes. another year older etc? throw a 'i don't want a party' party and do something entirely different and original. don't go to dinner . go dancing. tell them you need the cash for that fabulous fendi bag instead.
but they love you. it's a fact.
2007-10-15 05:26:49 · answer #5 · answered by sarah kay 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe they like you much more than your ex or his wife and would it hurt your feelings to find that out wich it sounds like with 200 for a bottle of wine
2007-10-15 05:13:15 · answer #6 · answered by the_orc_1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they want to do it let them, some people don't have such nice kids!
2007-10-19 05:10:51 · answer #7 · answered by Paige 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not share what you wrote here with them?
2007-10-15 06:44:19 · answer #8 · answered by Simmi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if your loaded no worries
2007-10-15 05:07:06 · answer #9 · answered by deinna 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋