My husband and I are starting marriage counseling soon. He is military facing deployment in the near future. Lots of possibilities and positives/ideas but I dwell in the negative. Others closest to me say I should leave him, yet offer no alternative solution. They address him as being the problem rather than there being problems with the relationship. I feel consumed by something dark, like i am the void rather than falling into it, I know i love but do not feel what I have come to associate with love. which is real? what is truth? what is emotional abuse? there is so much bad in our past. I fear telling the counselor. will she tell me to leave him too? i have nothing if i leave (friends resent me for choosing him, won't go home either), and i love him? will she offer judgement rather than solutions? he opens up and then shuts down. I have walls, inability to trust. no understanding or consistancy. Is this worth saving? we approach life as opposites. compatibility: a need or a want?
2007-10-15 05:01:34 · 6 answers · asked by cav71006 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To find security and confidence in any situation is to deal with the depression you are experiencing. It comes through loud and clear that until you overcome the depression nothing else will make a difference. Research everything you can on depression while you are on the Internet, and realize what you described as the void is clinical depression. GET HELP. You don't have to deal with it alone. I suffer from SAD and nothing makes sense until I take the appropriate action to deal with my depression. Life can be great and a lot of fun, don't let your depression shut you off from that. God Bless.
2007-10-15 05:14:58 · answer #1 · answered by Len 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi hon...
i'm sorry you are having such a rough time.
first, i'd like to say that it's EASY for others to tell you "oh just leave him", but the truth is, you don't seem to want to. and it's not that easy to just leave, especially when you love someone.
I am happy that you have a husband who is willing to go to counseling.
i have been in and out of therapy for years. it's not that scarey and a therapist is NOT there to tell you what to do, but rather, to help you look at your situation, and issues, and to give you some direction, help you to learn to communicate. the choice to leave or stay with your husband is YOURS, not the therapist's.
many times, people don't want to go into therapy out of fear. we are sometimes afraid of or ashamed of the truth, and the pain we do not wish to face. but therapists have heard it all, and therapists are NOT there to judge you... believe me, therapists have made life mistakes too, and they are also human.
being honest with the therapist is always a good idea.....when you and your husband go to a few initial sessions, the time will be spent with the therapist getting to know you and exploring some of your issues.
please remember that it's taken a while for your lives to get to this point, so it may take several months or more for things to start looking better.
now about your "friends" -- people on the outside believe they are doing good and helping you by telling you to leave your husband... even though you love him and want to try and work things out. a REAL friend is caring, and supportive and just wants the best for you. but they do not live your life, and haven't a clue what's best for you.... that is something you must figure out for yourself. A REAL friend doesn't try to tell you how to live, but stands by you and lets you make your own choices.
A REAL friend might also tell you when they feel you are in danger... still, what you do in your life is up to you alone.
I hope that in time, you and your husband can learn to communicate, and respect each other enough to figure out whether the marriage is worth saving or not. I wish you all the best.
2007-10-15 12:17:28 · answer #2 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The counselor will work within your own decisions. If you want to stay then she'll help you learn what you need to so that your marriage can last. If you want to leave then she will help you figure out how to work that out. Counselors are not there to tell you what to do, only how to do it once you've decided which course you will follow.
Be open and honest with her. She has to get to know you both. She can't help if you hide stuff from her.
2007-10-15 12:45:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
these people telling you what your problems are is your main problem i know that it is hard with your hubby going off but that is his duty he has made the choice to do that for his country and beleifs are you really going to divorce him over something that he cant get out of at this time hes not happy about it either hes fine then hes grouchy hell i would be to having to leave the love of my life but i think you need to set down with him and the counselor because this is going to be a strain on you both
2007-10-15 12:10:18 · answer #4 · answered by the_orc_1 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ask the holy spirit to help you understand and guide you
you are about to make life changing choice and you need more guidance than friends and family can give
my RX is 3 times a day for 1 week pray
Thank you Jesus for allowing the holy spirit in my heart and as my guide
2007-10-15 12:07:46 · answer #5 · answered by mmmkay_us 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you're right, the person isn't the problem. the relationship is a problem.
another person (guy) likely won't solve your problems.
improve your skills with each other.
try the book "getting the love you want"
2007-10-15 12:04:59 · answer #6 · answered by Sufi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋