i do or i dont to marriage?

Question

All I keep hearing about is that couples should be getting married. To improve our society, and now tax breaks for married people.

My partner and I have been together 12 years we had a 3 year old son, my son knows his parents love each other and more important than that, we love him. We are not married, and none of us ever have been. I refuse to accept that marriage is best, and will not spend on average £11,000 for a piece of paper to confirm my love to my partner.

I would rather invest that money into my sons future, for college or what ever he decided to do. Surely with the divorce stastics at all time high, should we really be all that quick to get married. Does marriage really make you more solid as a couple. i am not totally against married but i personally would only consider marriage if my son said it made a difference to him. My only concern is that should anything happen to 1 of us, the other is not consider a next of kin, or legal partner.
anyone agree??

Answer 1

If it ain't broke, why fix it?

Answer 2

why does it have to cost so much? If you are thinking about having a huge party and wearing fancy clothes you'll never wear again then why do you think that is what makes a wedding? When I got married I had no doubt about wanting to be married but absolutely no intention of spending a lot of money advertising the fact..we had a handful of guests, our parents, best man and maid of honour..sisters and brothers of course; a couple of bottles of good champagne, a simple buffet..you can buy everything ready made from most supermarkets nowadays..and a cake that was one we happened to like rather than a traditional wedding cake. I wore a dress bought in the Laura Ashley sale and my husband a plain new suit. We could have spent the money and had the party but what a waste! This was more than thirty years ago and we are still married...If you think that people will make you feel cheap then you could always get married abroad whilst on a family holiday, just the three of you..and have a party for your friends when you get back, the sort of party you would usually have for your friends.
If anything happens to your partner you may find yourself in difficulties and if to you then he is not automatically guardian of your child..look into it and if that is the only reason why you decide to marry, that's your business. If you decide not to,that's your business too.

Answer 3

Well I do agree mostly with what your are saying, but, you said
you would get married if it meant something to your son but surely that would be wrong because it would be for him not for yourselves and I think your are very sensible in saying that you could spend the money on his education I think it's definitely better the statistics do show that more marriages
end up in divorce at least your son is growing up in the comfort of his parents who love each other stuff what anyone thinks your are a very loving and caring person and I wish you all well and a good life I just wish there were more sensible people like you out there.

Answer 4

You say, "My only concern is that should anything happen to 1 of us, the other is not consider a next of kin, or legal partner." However, this ought to be a BIG concern. If you're not worried about it, you should be. You won't be young forever.

And what about taxes and other societal benefits of marriage, monetary and otherwise?

I hate to break it to you, but getting married is far, far less expensive than you're stating. It's nearly free compared to the figure you're using. You are, as many people do, confusing "marriage" with "wedding". BIG difference.

Marriage may or may not make your relationship more solid. However, it does provide one thing you don't have now: commitment -- commitment in the eyes of the law, commitment in the eyes of your families, and commitment in the eyes of society. Without marriage, you can claim to be committed to each other, of course. But don't expect the rest of the world to see you as committed.

Answer 5

Marriage is a personal chose and isnt for everyone, hence why so many marriages fail, i have been married for nearly 2 years now and i think that it is the best thing for me (cost us less than £1,000). If you are worried about being legal next of kin then all you need is a will, either jointly with your partner or separately expressing your wishes.

Answer 6

I have read where statistics say (most) people do better in a marriage relationship vs. a living together situation. Why? Because they are committed in a marriage, and tend to work harder on keeping things together.

While this may not be true for everyone, it's true for the majority. If YOU don't feel as if you want to get married, then don't get married.. it can't be simpler than that.... and if someone asks you why? let them know they are intruding. it's no one's business but yours.

You could have a legal Will drawn up if you are concerned about something happening to one or the other of you. That way, your wishes for your estate will be written in stone, and your partner will get what you want her to.

Answer 7

A registry wedding marriage is not expensive, just the cost of the registration fee, but putting the money aside as an issue you should only get married if you and your partner want too. It should not matter what anyone else thinks. You can always write a will.

Answer 8

I couldn't agree more with you.... and I'm a woman. Not true that all women want to get married because they need a sense of security and committment, blah blah............... it's not true that people feel more committed because they signed a piece of paper, they still cheat and they still leave when they no longer want to be with you, and they still refuse to pay child support for the kids even if the paper compels them to. True, it does give you some rights that people who only live together don't have, but I wouldn't marry just to have those rights. I want my lover and I to be together because we want to, for as long as we want to (hopefully forever) without any chains that force us to remain together. Many people remain in a marriage not because they want to work on it or because they're in love, but because they don't want to pay and go through the hassle of divorce, or because it's more comfortable to have someone who takes care of the house and kids and still have sex with someone else outside of the marriage... so they have their cake and they eat it too...... which I think is totally unfair. It's better to be free to leave that relationship which doesn't fulfill you anymore instead of staying because of the wrong reasons. The paper doesn't make you be more or less committed.... if you're going to cheat, you will, paper or no paper...... do marriage stop people from cheating? NO...... Does it make your partner treat you better and spend more & better time with you? No, if they don't want to. The level of committment depends on the 2 people involved and not on signing a piece of paper. It's too expensive to get married and even worse to get a divorce. I agree: I could give a better use to that money!

Answer 9

It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship, don't mess it up by getting married. I am sure you can get a legal document stating the other is the next of kin.

Answer 10

Get married. Yes it is a cost for the piece of paper, but there are many pros. You have 12 years together. Yes, it would help if something happened to one of you.

Answer 11

you sound like a man to me! not meaning that in a horrible way but men dont understand why women want to get married.
I dont want to get married in a great big dress with a hundred or so of my relatives (that I dont speak to) there. I want to get married to my partner because I love him and want to be with him forever. When we do get married it will be a very quiet affair with our two kids.
If you AND your partner are not bothered about marriage then dont get married. If she wants to get married then I would do it, but maybe not on the grand scale amounting to £11k!