My husband and I have been together for 8 years (married 6 ) Not always an easy road for us; we have both had issues. Wth him, it has been his alcoholism (he has been clean 2 years now), and emotional detachment and smoking. With me, my low self-esteem, sharp tongue and anxiety. When I met him, he was a mess emotionally and physically and now he has lost 30 pounds and looks and feels better than ever. I loved him then and still do. Sometimes I say I wonder why but then why would I still be here otherwise?
Now that he looks very attractive women hit on him more than ever. I have never had a horrible issue with it; I take it as a compliment. One thing I knew I could always trust him in is that he wouldn't cheat. However, he recently said he he has feelings for a co-worker; he gets butterflies around her and wants to get to know her. He come home crying and determined to tell me even though he was afraid I might leave. What should I do? I told him forget her; it's a silly crush.
2007-10-15 04:42:35 · 13 answers · asked by em 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Don't brush it off like it's not a big deal.."silly crush". Most likely, that's what it is, but the feeling is strong. He needs to realize that if he falls into temptation, those butterflies won't last...and he'll miss the woman he devoted his life to. You guys need counseling together. He needs a professional to tell him the grass always looks greener from the other side.
2007-10-15 04:51:56 · answer #1 · answered by Miami Lilly 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would never confront her and allow her to think I spent more than a millisecond thinking about her. Your husband is the one that must take the bull by the horns and confront her. He should of course not say you are "making" him do it. He should tell her he has heard from the other staff that she is making these comments. She should keep her comments to herself as this is a place of business and therefore inappropriate. Tell her she is disrespectful of him and his marriage and that will not be tolerated and nothing will ever come of it. Be aware the women that do this will sometimes hint to the others that there is in fact something going on. The woman hopes this will get back to you and infuriate you to the point of tossing him out. Your husband could easily be represented by her to the others as a liar and a cheater and is sneaking around to be with her. These women bank on nothing will be said to your husband because it would be inappropriate for a co-worker to tell your husband he is a jerk or inquire into what is really going on. Most men have no idea what some psycho chicks will do to get what they want. He should always avoid being alone with her behind a closed door. This IS sexual harassment in the work place and usually goes unreported. Your husband should inform his supervisor/business owner this is happening. Keep your informant happy and communicating to your husband and to you.
2016-04-08 22:26:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is married - he should not be looking at other women that way!! Does she know he is married? If so, is she still leading him on? Ask him what it is about her that he is so in love with. Let him know that you do not want to be cheated on, and if he feels the need to do so, to let you now first so that you two can break things off. Once his hands touch her, he no longer lives with you. Why did he marry you in the first place? Did he not realize that was the rest of his life?
Maybe you need to find more activities and fun things that the two of you can do together, so it's not the same old boring routine.... be fresh and fun, change your look(get your hair done, buy a new outfit), get into shape, go on exciting dates and trips, etc. Doing this will also make you feel better about yourself, and will attract more people to you (hopefully your husband is one of them!)
If it were me, (but I'm kind of weird) I would want to meet her and see the two of them together. I would talk with her privately and let her know what MY husband has told me and get a feel for the situation. Is she into him? Would he be happier with her? If so, he'll never look at you the same way again, you're no longer the number one woman in his life - you do deserve to be this though, so just get out of it! Your situation is so sad, I am sorry you are dealing with this.... I can't believe this can happen.
2007-10-15 04:55:01 · answer #3 · answered by Betty 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is feeling excited since this co-worker is probably saying/doing all the right things. Tell him he needs to steer clear of this person. If not he may succumb to her charms and once he does there is no going back. Ask him if a fling with this person is worth the loss of trust that will happen in this marriage.
His telling you is amazing, but you need to help him since he did tell you. Maybe he already did something and is watching to see your reaction. I would wonder about that.
You know from past history that he has an addictive personality, and sex could fall into that as a replacement to other things that he gave up.
Talk with him and get this over with so you can be comfortable with this marriage. He needs to understand that you have to feel secure when he goes to work.
Good luck
2007-10-15 04:53:03 · answer #4 · answered by Jill M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your husband sure have been through quite a lot together, and i commend him for quitting drinking. I'm a recovering alcoholic, and it can be quite tough. I have anxiety issues, too, so i understand where you are coming from.
I know that a few times in my life, i've met someone with whom i have a very strong chemistry -- it happens...
Perhaps you and your husband could consider marriage counseling. After all, he was honest enough to let you know what's going on, and to tell you he's afraid you might leave him.
Sometimes talking these things out helps, and with the assistance of a neurtal party, like a therapist, you will probably be able to face these issues and move forward.
take care ok?
2007-10-15 04:47:51 · answer #5 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Not a good situation. At least he is being honest with you. And bravo for him for two yrs clean. Being an alcoholic is a difficult road. I can sit here and see both sides of the coin. I would suggest marriage counseling to be honest. I would like to talk to you more about this. feel free to contact me on here or on IM I have both enabled. I think maybe another woman to talk to would help you. Besides that my husband is an alcoholic and then years later I started drinking too and became an addict myself. We both are sober now and I may be able to enlighten you on some things. so contact me plz. if not i understand. Good luck hun... hugssssssssss
2007-10-15 04:52:45 · answer #6 · answered by Michelle 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The fact that he came home and told you about his feelings, shows you he doesnt want to hurt or lose you.
He wanted to be honest though, my husband is like that. LOL Even with gifts, he ends up tellin me cause he doesnt like to feel like he's keeings things from me.
I think you should talk to him, and see what it is about her that draws him in. That is going to be hard, but you cannot ignore this, because if you do then something happens you'll be all hurt and like "waa? how did this happen?" Talk to him! Tell him what you're feeling, try to understand how he is feeling. YOu got to address this, what you are deducing as a silly crush, could actually be much more.
Dont brush it off, and dont really ride him about it. He was honest and shared this with you, tryin to reach out. That is more than I can say for many of the husbands talked about in this forum.
2007-10-15 04:59:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
People fall in love all the time. Marriage will never stop that. Being attracted to a co-worker is also normal. I've worked in offices all my life that are mostly populated with women. I know how it works. But it is what we do with those feelings that really matters. Real love is a decision. It sounds to me like he is honoring his commitment and trusting you enough to listen and still decide to love. I wouldn't belittle this as a "silly crush" because to him it is real. But it is you he wants. Good luck.
2007-10-15 04:49:49 · answer #8 · answered by Brent 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow sure hope he is not a boss?
With how you describe yourself as having low self esteem, are you sure he has not done something already and this is how he is telling you he has done whatever?
I would think with these so called feeling he is having for this other, your relationship is in jeopardy and you two need counseling or go your separate ways.
2007-10-15 04:51:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it can be really hard because he obviously loves you, but this interest is probably really getting to him because of those butterfly/crush feelings... I mean, that is one of the funnest parts of any relationship... the beginning. I'd step up my game and spice things up, as a matter of fact, it could be really fun for both of you to maybe let his crush join the two of you in bed. :)
2007-10-15 04:51:17 · answer #10 · answered by Liston 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋