Although you are with someone else,
I want to have my say
Without invading your domain
Or scaring you away.
I respect the choice you made
And all that you decide,
But I would just like you to know
I want you by my side.
As a lake deep in a wood
Awaits a cool, fresh breeze,
I will wait, a patient eye,
While you do as you please.
2007-10-15 04:30:01 · 11 answers · asked by HEARTBOUND♥ 4 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
yes it is amazing post more i love it oh my god that was like what i feel right now
2007-10-15 06:16:28 · answer #1 · answered by JUGGALO 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Rhyme is very good, meter is perfect until the last stanza. Lines 1 and 3 each need one more syllable to keep the rhythm consistent. Sing it to the tune of Yellow Rose Of Texas, and you will see what I mean. I like the message also. You have accepted the fact he prefers another, but are willing to take him on the rebound, providing what he has falls apart. Just don't wait too long, don't miss an opportunity to find a perfect match for you who thinks the same. Good luck, and be happy.
2007-10-15 12:14:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The speaker sounds pathetically demeaning and fawning, grovelling and ignominious, obsequious and sycophantic.
If I were the "you" of the poem and I hearken to: "I will wait, a patient eye, / While you do as you please," I'd be scared and take to flight immediately!!
Excellent image, this could be: "a lake deep in a wood /
Awaits a cool, fresh breeze." (say, "in the woods")
Lucid and concise piece.
good luck
2007-10-15 12:02:20 · answer #3 · answered by ari-pup 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Keep up the good work you are so good at these. My lady writes some amazing stuff as well, I am trying to get her to write some songs since she is SO talented!
2007-10-15 13:10:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This appears to be a poem written in a desperate mood.
You need to cheer up and meet a 'real' person who will inspire you to write really 'good' poetry.
This twerp you're so infatuated with isn't worth it. Anyone who 'does as they please' regardless of anothers feelings isn't a 'person', they're just a 'user'.
Hope you don't 'wait'.
Good luck.
Pete.
2007-10-15 12:07:24 · answer #5 · answered by Peter M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I loved your poem! It has a good purpose in being written. It has feeling and heart and a poem for many to understand and feel. Thank you for sharing it!
2007-10-15 11:53:20 · answer #6 · answered by craft painter 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like this poem very much do you write alot? or did that one just flow out ? do you share your poems with people?
2007-10-15 12:46:30 · answer #7 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is amazing! Keep writing!
2007-10-15 12:59:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wounderful poem!
2007-10-15 12:05:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i from iran i dont know but i love it
2007-10-15 11:50:46 · answer #10 · answered by hossein 2 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋