He said he has been staying at his mother's house to help her, she lives 20 miles away, I drove past at night a few times and he is not there. He will not come clean and tell me where he is, but I know in my heart he's not out doing anything good. When is enough enough?
2007-10-15 04:28:39 · 29 answers · asked by itsjust me123 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The fact that you drove by his mom's house to check if he was there, makes a statement that you suspect something is going on. If he wasn't up to something, there would be no reason for him to lie. You said your heart was telling you that he was up to no good. Listen to it. Let him know without trust there can be no relationship, and take it from there. If he doesn't change, the road you two are going down leads to a dead end. I'm sorry you are going through this and I hope it works out for the best.
2007-10-15 04:45:55 · answer #1 · answered by Len 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Enough is enough right now. I really feel for you, this has got to be incredibly difficult, and it's hard to think straight. You must not forget that you are a very important and wonderful person, and deal with the sitauation accordingly. You do not deserve this.
If it's only 20 miles away, why were the two of you not staying there together? Does he call you every night from her place? Have you tried calling him there just to chat/catch up on things? If it's only 20 miles away, I would think he should be coming home at night.... Are you two going through a difficult time? It could be another woman, however it could be drinks with his buddies to get away from the situation, or a second job, etc. Regardless, being married you two need to have better communication.
Find out what you can about his whereabouts, and deal with it. You two need to sit down and have a serious talk - not a yelling match though. Let him know that if he is running around with someone else that you two should not be together, and it is easiest to divorce. Best of luck with this one, I hope for the best - and if he is cheating, the best is a single life.... if he isn't, then improve your communication!
2007-10-15 04:44:29 · answer #2 · answered by Betty 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, alot of tough love get over it and move on answers out there. I have to agree with the folks that say enough is when you feel you have had enough. Not really enough info to make a valid decision - you say he will not come clean, does that mean you flat out asked him where were you on this date at this time and he REFUSED to tell you? If that is the case he is lying and you should follow up with if you cannot tell me the truth then perhaps we should no longer be in a relationship or need to get counsuling.
If on the other hand you just hinted around waiting for a confession that is not the same thing at all.
I dont know what your relationship is with your mother in law but i would suggest picking up a take out dinner for the three of you and stopping by her home unannounced around the time you expect him to be there as a pleasant surprise. If he shows GREAT, if he doesnt ask her when she expects him as he has been living in her home for some time. Check if his things are there, ask her about his habits while you eat and pretend to just be a concerned daughter in law and loving wife.
You should also contact a lawyer for a free consultation to find out your rights and what you are intitled to prior to announcing you want a divorce. If you have a joint checking account start syphoning off the money now before he beats you to the punch.
Good luck.
2007-10-15 05:05:01 · answer #3 · answered by mraandmisse 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear about your situation and i think if he wont come clean you have to options and they are very hard and heartbreaking.
First you need to get your life in order and be prepared for the worst and be able to move on.
What i recommend is that you contact a Private I. they are not cheap but are compared to divorce cost. The reason you want a private I to look into your husband is that if you can prove infidelity you getting a bigger percentage of the settlement and the other is that if it's prov en the divorce is fast tracked and it wont take you forever to get the papers served.
The average cost for a P.I. is around 500 to 1000 for a few days tail, you can also for a cheaper cost ask them to put a GPS tracker on the car or truck, the trackers they have now can be real time or the kind you put on the car and in a few days he takes it off and down loads the info and y ou can see where he was. That later system can work for more than a week on batteries.
The one thing that you have to be ready for is that if you suspect your most likely right.
I am sorry for your situation that you are going through and I hope I helped in some way.
2007-10-15 04:56:35 · answer #4 · answered by Charles R 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you do, DO NOT OVERREACT! Getting mad, accusing him, or complaining will only cause more problems. Don't leave him yet. Instead, take control of the situation. Draw up plans (more than one) on what you should do and execute those plans.. Do not get emotional. Emotions will cause you to do irrational things. You need to find out what he's doing and why.
I would not let your husband know what you "suspect" he is doing. Never show your opponent your plans. Instead, here's what I would do:
1- Somehow get a hold of his cell phone bill. One by one start eliminating the numbers that are friends, family, and work related. Find out which ones are suspicious and have a friend try to call the number and find out who the number belongs to.
2- Since he has ALREADY lied to you, don't ask him where he's been or act like you are tracking him. He'll get smarter if he knows what you're up to.
3- If you have the money, hire a detective. They will follow and track him. Believe me, a good detective WILL bust him. Average cost will be about 5 to 10K, so make sure to see their credentials. Maybe you can shop at get one for cheaper. I never used one, but my friend has. The more leg work you do, the cheaper it will be.
4- Check his personal belongings: cell phone numbers that were recently dialed (on his phone), especially at the time he was missing. Check his wallet, pants, car, etc. Smell his shirts, etc for scent of perfume, etc.
5- If you can get a friend to 2 to follow him, that would be good. But tell them to not get stupid and follow too close. It's better to let him get away once or twice, then to blow your cover. Get a car he he hasn't seen before.
6- Check his credit card for purchases made at those dates. You'd be surprised what you might find. Dinners, gifts, etc.
7 - Go to the computer store and get a "keystroke logger" and break into his email. It will log his email and password.
8- If you do bust him, don't say anything right away. Instead, make an exit strategy first. This take tremendous will power to keep the secret, but don't say anything yet. Get your ducks in a row, then tell him. Once you are prepared to leave, then confront him. Remember, you don't have to leave, but at least you'll have the option to do so if needed.
OK, I hope this helps.
2007-10-15 04:36:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It seems to me that you already think something is up since you went to go check up on him. Next time he leaves to "go to mothers" tell him you may drop by later because you have nothing going on that night. Do you ever call his cell/mothers during this time to see what kind of response you get?
Have you told him point blank that you went to his mothers and he wasn't there? What if at that time you cruised by he was just down the street at the hardware store?
You need to talk with him and maybe do some more investigative work. You need to know if he is really and truly lying to you. Once you have ascertained that, then it is time to take the next step. Live with a dishonest mate, or make arrangements to move on and start and new life for yourself.
Good luck
2007-10-15 04:45:19 · answer #6 · answered by Jill M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You never know.. he may not be doing anything bad. Are you struggling financially? He may be doing a part time night job to help pay for your family and cant admit to you. On the other hand I see the best in people and more often than not im dissapointed. The next time he says he is going to his mothers follow him. Or stick a hidden camera in the car. You cant end it without knowwing what it is he is doing. If he aint coming clean then its pretty likely he is with someone else.. might not be a woman, x
2007-10-15 04:33:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't just know in your heart he's lying, you know. It sounds as if he's been doing this kind of thing before. Why is it necessary for him to stay at his mother's house? It also sounds like you're fed up with his crap. You could hire a private detective to find out but you should be able to get the truth from him. If he won't tell you the truth it won't get any better later.
2007-10-15 04:46:45 · answer #8 · answered by psi2006 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is enough. You find out that he is lying to you and he still won't come clean? How blind does he think you are. Let him know you will not stand for this. Give him one more chance to confess and prove he wants your marriage. If he doesn't, then move on honey because you deserve a better man. There are men in the world who know how to treat a woman and take care of her. The man you haven't isn't worthy of you. Good luck.
2007-10-15 04:34:29 · answer #9 · answered by Bubbles 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Confront him about it. Or, if it would make you feel better, you can call his mother and ask her about it. She may know more or less than you do. Either way, he owes you an honest answer and needs to tell you the truth. This could be a situation that can be resolved with marriage counseling or it could end in divorce.
2007-10-15 04:38:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋