My sister and her fiance are engaged to be married next year. She is 22 and still in law school, which our parents pay for with very little trouble (they're fairly wealthy). Since the engagement is fairly recent she has not yet spoken to our parents regarding the impact of the marriage on her tuition: she thinks that since she's poor and our parents are rich and have always encouraged her not to work during the school year, they should continue paying her tuition. I think that if she's getting married, then that's a statement of responsibility on her part, and she should be paying her own tuition, regardless of how easily our parents can pay for it. I'm sure if she asked they would tell her that they would still pay, but I think it's a matter of principle. Am I being unfair? Who's right?
2007-10-15 04:11:05 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To clarify, our parents were the ones who wanted her to go to law school in the first place, and made it clear that while she was there they would cover her expenses, and discouraged her from working so as not to detract from her studies. My stance is that if she's getting married, then she's essentially saying that she will now be supporting herself (with her fiance), and needs to take responsibility for herself.
2007-10-15 04:13:11 · update #1
Additionally... to those people saying that it's none of my business, that's not the question. I'm not asking if it's my business, I'm asking if you think I'm right or my sister is right. My sister and I would both like to know.
2007-10-15 04:24:07 · update #2
Since some people have wanted to know my motivation behind my rationale, here it is: that's just what I believe. I put off marrying my boyfriend until I was finished law school - even though I was ready to marry him during undergrad - because I believe that when you get married, you should be self sufficient. I don't have a problem with our parents paying my sister's tuition at all, but I think it's contradictory for her to be getting married - essentially saying that she's ready to start her own life with her husband - and still expect our parents to take responsibility for her. I simply think that financial self-sufficiency is a pre-requisite for marriage, but I absolutely would want my parents to continue paying for her tuition! It's a matter of principle, not practicality.
2007-10-15 05:28:24 · update #3
Wow...it's amazing that even after the additional info you put down that people still rant and rave and say you're spoiled, jealous, immature, and whatnot. I empathize for them.
I understand exactly what you are asking, and I too agree that if your sister is ready to get married, she is ready to take on the obligation of being a responsible adult.
But it is also going to be your parents choice whether they continue to pay or not.
It may be possible that she has already spoken with your folks and they have some arrangement. You may not know everything that is being talked about.
Your principle is right on, but it is up to your parents and sister to discuss and settle.
2007-10-15 11:23:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think this is totally up to your parents. If they want to pay her tuition after she gets married that's fine. I don't see what getting married has to do with her tuition, I'm sure they want her to continue school stress free and want her to have a good start in life. Getting married is a statement of responsibility but it doesn't mean that your parents can't help you. Many parents give large cash gifts for other things(down payment on a house, furniture etc) when their children get married. I see this as no different.
2007-10-15 11:54:28 · answer #2 · answered by oracleofohio 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you being unfair? YES.
You are being unfair because you are interjecting your opinion into her deal.
You are being unfair because you are suggesting that she give up her tuition because she is married.
You are being unfair in trying to equate being married with some kind of supposed special responsibility which removes your parents from her life. I'm wondering where you got the idea that once married parents leave your life. This is not some principle, it is a silly proposition. Don't you think most parents would happily pay for school and the downpayment on their kids house if they had the means?
You are being unfair because you appear to be exercising some sibling rivalry maneuver which would remove her tuition
and probably cause her to leave school.
IN MY OPINION, based on no other information than here,
you sound like a spoiled sister who is trying to get in the way of her sister's happiness and career. Whether this is jealousy or some convoluted view of marriage as total independence I cannot tell.
What is your motivation for pressing this attitude?
2007-10-15 11:49:05 · answer #3 · answered by Flagger 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Well seeing as your parents were the ones that had her go I think that they should pay most of her tuituion they also encouraged her not to work as a student but I do think that when she graduates and gets a good job she repay them some of the expenses as she is/was married and an adult then
2007-10-15 11:21:17 · answer #4 · answered by oh_jo123 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you are being a bully probably subconcouisly jealous of your sister. School is so very important and if your parents want to do this for her than she is a lucky woman. It is their money not yours so you really dont have an opinion on the matter. When you pay the bill you can make the orders. Be happy for your sister and this blessed event support her. Dont try to throw extra hinderances in her way
2007-10-15 11:27:01 · answer #5 · answered by sarah W 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋
No. She's getting married, but that shouldn't change your parents decision to support her education. Being married is stating she's responsible in some aspects of life such as interpersonal relationships, but that doesn't mean that she can't accept financial help when offered. In fact, it's not that uncommon what your parents are doing. My partner and I are also having our tuition paid for by our parents even though we will be married. Basically, get over it. Are you jealous or what?
2007-10-15 11:29:25 · answer #6 · answered by some female 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
None of your concern! She should talk to her parents before making any wedding plans. Your parents may continue to pay even after the wedding, that is between them and her. By the way I agree with you but it's none of my business either...:)
2007-10-15 11:18:39 · answer #7 · answered by kitkat 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
i agree with you but if i were you i would stay out of it because you will ocme out the loser in any of the various ways that argument can go but it is their money also do you think they would adopt me i have only 1 yr left in college and its tech so it wouldnt be much lol
2007-10-15 11:22:04 · answer #8 · answered by the_orc_1 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
law school is extremly expensive and if your parents are willing to help cover that then you should be happy for her. Are you just mad that they won't help you?
2007-10-15 11:34:49 · answer #9 · answered by cutie420311 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Why do you have any part in this? It's between your folks and your sister.
You may certainly have an opinion, just keep it to yourself unless asked.
2007-10-15 11:15:53 · answer #10 · answered by csucdartgirl 7 · 5⤊ 2⤋