Marital troubles - help!?

Question

Here's the situation:
There is a woman in my husband's life, his "good friend." In the past before we met they hooked up. When I met her she gave me the evil eye but later on acted like she wanted to be friendly with me. We all went to a concert together & I did a little too much partying and got pretty sick, had my head down the whole time. Apparently while I was sick 2 feet away, she made the moves on my him-sitting on his lap, tickling him, trying to hold his hand- in front of my sister! He admits this happened but he told her to stop. Since then he still insists on having contact with her. When she calls he won't talk to her in front of me but goes outside. He had me check an email of his last month and right below it I saw one from him to her just chit-chatting, but it really bothered me since he says he hasn't talked to her in months. I don't think he's having an affair, but I want him to cease contact with this woman and he won't do it. Am I wrong to be so upset??

The point, as one person asked, is she completely disrespected me with her actions, hurt me badly, so why would he want to keep a person like that in his life?

P.S. He knows how I feel about it.

Answer 1

Well she is definitely doing it on purpose to get you all worked up and maybe intentionally causing a breakup. Your husband needs to realize now that he is married and needs to pick a side and stick with it. He cannot sail in two boats. Since he is married to you his loyalty should be with you. But for sure this woman is playing both of you. When you are around her, stay close to your husband, kiss him, hug him in front of her, and refer him to as he is yours. Make her jealous in return. Sit in his lap do things to him..... hope you get the point.

I was in a similar situation and my this friend wanted me to meet her with out my wife's knowledge and that was the day I decided to cut all tied with her. Even though I knew this friend before I met my wife, but I love my wife and married to her and vowed to spend my life with her. So definitely for me it was an easy choice to make, I knew what my priorities are.

Answer 2

I have had just about the same thing happen to me. As far as I feel, you have every rigth to be mad. He may not be having a physical relationship with her, but it is a relationship nonethe less. If he can't talk in front of you, lies about talking to her, and didn't make her stop the attention she was giving him at the party, he is enjoying the relationship between them. I had the almost identical situation, and, normally I am not a jealous person, but this smelled funny to me, so I put it to the test. I told my bf he could keep talking to her, but keep me involved. No more sneaking ect. Well, the sneaking continued on her part. She kept trying to call when I wasn't around. My bf did keep me informed when she would contact him, or so I thought. When I found out that wasn't the case,that the relationship continued (just over the phone -long distance) I gave him the ultimatium, her or me. I told him I had been fair, I was willing to let the friendship exist, but he had betrayed my trust. So now the choice was his. He chose outr relationship.
Over the last couple years, I have agreed that he call her to see how she is doing, but on my terms. Not to looses my faith again. He has not lost my trust since.......Good luck to you

Answer 3

No your not wrong in being upset, I am having a simillar problem... The more that you insist that you dont want him to talk to her the more he will hide it... Just ask for him to keep you in the circle of what is going on and tell him how it makes you feel(calmly, no yelling, even though thats really hard when your upset) Good luck and I hope your problem is resolved soon, and just keep in mind that it is not because of anything you have done wrong, but you can work through it, if nothing else give him your trust and let him know you trust him and love him unconditionally...

Answer 4

What I don't understand is, if he knew this woman before he met you, why didn't he go out with her? This woman is after your man and it's sounds to me that there is more than just a friendship going on here. If they haven't already cheated, he better end it before it does happen. Once you and your husband fight or have hardships, he will go running to her. She's like this side kick. Call her and tell her to stay away from your husband! Remind him that you are his wife, not her and if he really loves you, he will end this friendship and put more effort into your marriage.

Answer 5

Uhhh, NO!

I would be very upset also and if your husband loves and respects you, he will stop all contact with this woman.

Perhaps you need to give her a call and let her know that you don't appreciate her trying to break up your family and that you won't tolerate it. People generally don't like confrontations and will stop when they are confronted.

It's worked for me in the past, maybe it will work for you.

Good Luck!!!

Answer 6

Girl, he still find her HOT. You have all the reason to be upset. But be smart. Don't you ever pester your husband. Pester the prostitute. You are the one he chose, then maybe you are a wife material, and he wanted to be with you for the rest of his life. But that doesn't mean you will always be the one he'll EVER WANTED. Make it like a game. Make that s l u t s life miserable. Anything. Just pester her. I Did That .I loved IT.
Remember, you are not pestering a human being, you are pestering a a dirty slimy creature from hell.

Answer 7

Your husband needs to get his priorities straight.

What is more important, his old 'friendship' with this woman, or his wife. He admits she crossed the line. But, he is deluding himself with the "I asked her to stop". He needed to just stop her from the start. He allowed it to happen. He can try to blame her all he wants, but it was his responsibility to protect his marriage.

If he needs to leave the room to talk to her, if he doesn't want you to hear what he says, then something is wrong with this.
Put it this way, if he wouldn't want you to hear or read something he says to her, or her to him, then he is crossing the line. She is not a 'friend of your marriage", so what is more important to him.

He had you check email, knowing what he left on the email. He might have a secret account, or just delete inappropriate emails.

He is enjoying her attention. Sounds like you have reason not to trust her, or even your husband since he allows this 'friendship' to be secretive and inappropriate.

Don't let her fool you with some friendliness towards you, if she wants your man, getting more time around him is one way to do it.

He insists? Well, what consequences are you willing to give him for his disrespect towards you?

You found him lying about contact, red flags should be waving. He needs to protect himself and your marriage.
Many an affair starts out as a friendship that is allowed to cross the line. We need to make our boundaries clear. We need to protect ourselves early on from destructive forces.

So, what is more important to him. Your marriage or his friendship with this old girlfriend who has already done things (that he allowed), that are destructive to the trust in your marriage?

The following yahoo group site has many helpful articles and links in files. It is about affair recovery, but there are some helpful things about Prevention and boundaries, and emotional affairs that might help you. Not a good support group. Simple to join, look under files.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AffairsTalk/

A few good books:

"Fall in Love, Stay in Love" by Dr. W. Harley
"Hedges, Loving your marriage enough to protect it" by J.Jenkins.

http://marriagebuilders.com/

Answer 8

i would say this is definitely wrong. there is no reason he should be having this type of relationship w/ her, and to have a girl around that you know he hooked up with in the past is not right. he should know that it upsets you. and even if they arent having a relationship now, an emotional affair hurts just as bad. if it was truly innocent he wouldn't have to leave the room to speak to her and he wouldn't be sneaky about it. something more is defiantly up. you should try to talk to him.

Answer 9

I have been in a similar situation. I was naive and did not pick up on the woman's signals but my wife was. Men can be a bit dumb when a woman finds him attractive.?

Answer 10

you need to sit down and have a serious talk. Do not accuse him, just tell him when you had me check your email that I saw one from *** and you told me you have not heard from her in a while. Let him talk and listen and when you are done listening tell him what you think!