Ive been with my boyfriend for 5 years and living together for 3 but recently I havent been able to stop thinking about someone else and this is making me increasingly think about leaving my boyfriend. This other person is exactly what I want in a person, wants a family, romantic etc the opposite of my current partner. The only thing is when I came to university my partner deided to come with me, it wasn't an issue at the time but now it is as I'm thinking of leaving him but I don't want to 1) Hurt him and 2) leave him with no job, no home and no money as at the moment I am paying for everything with my wages and he has been unemployed for 2 years saying that there are no jobs for him and he doesn't want 2 take any job where he will be unhappy. He doesn't know anyone here so I feel so guilty when I think of what leaving him will do to him, Im scared he will do something to himself if I go as his family are 3 hours away and he cant drive. Im stuck in such a rut I don't know what to do.
2007-10-15 04:02:50 · 20 answers · asked by candy_craver79 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
"Woulda, coulda, shoulda....
If you had put more effort into your current relationship, you wouldn't have time to think of someone new..."
I have tried so hard to get him a job, i have printed off jobs and I drive him to the job centre when he signs on. Think before putting a comment like that as I have put so much effort into this relationship, i was the one who suggested we got engaged. I have just given up, as the saying goes you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped! (Think Ive answered my own question there)
2007-10-15 07:29:03 · update #1
EDIT: also just wanna add Im not actually contemplating getting with this other person, I was just saying that meeting him has increased my "unsure-ness" in my current relationship. if that makes sense. So to just 2 clarify, Im not asking if I should leave my partner for this other guy, just whether I should leave in general and if I deserve to make a break for it?
2007-10-15 07:31:36 · update #2
If a man is not working for two years, there's a problem. He is leaching off of you and you are allowing it. If you are worried about what will happen to him and where he will live, since you are paying for everything anyhow, buy him one way bus ticket home. He is not your problem. If you are unhappy now and were enticed by another, you, my friend, were already NOT happy. I say buy the ticket and cut him loose. Maybe when he doesn't have you to lean on any longer, he will get himself together and become more appealing to you again. But right now, something's gotta give.
2007-10-15 04:10:46 · answer #1 · answered by ursobustedmr 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Before getting the bombshell out, take some steps to make sure that it is what you want.
What you need to ask him just now, is for some time to rethink the relationship.
If you say that just like that, he'll know that something is up, you won't have lied to him but, it also means that things are not definitely lost.
So, this short break should help him as well, because, at the end of the day, it's because of his lazy attitude that things are not going so well, in the first place.
Well, maybe not exactly, but him staying at home when you are working to support both of you, is hardly going to make him furture husband material.
As for you, don't make a move on this other guy.
Start first of all to see if you do miss him and in what way.
The thing is, when breaking with someone, it can take ages to actually know for sure how we feel about that person.
So, it may well be that you feel relieved by his absence, but will only realize that he's the one, once you've been dating someone else. So, that's the real risk and hence a reason not to rush into anything.
It's never ever a good idea to jump from one relationship to another.
Good luck.xxx
2007-10-15 04:16:40 · answer #2 · answered by Kc 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Hey, this guy sounds like a loser. No job, doesn't drive. Is he handicapped? Is he dysfunctional in some way? I can't imagine why you want to take care of him. What is he doing for you to make you stay. If you don't love him, then that's a good reason to leave. If he's not the violent type then you can discuss this with him about how you need to strike out on your own and either do what the other letter says and drive him to his family, or give him one month to go out and get a job. Come on, jobs are usually plentiful, even if it's pushing carts at walmart. What does he do all day? Sounds like he's got one over on you and your aiding and abetting.
Can you imagine yourself still doing this in 20 years? I've been married over 33 years by the way and time does go by. Don't waste your young life on something that's not the right fit. You are moving on with your life, he is stagnating.
Good luck.
2007-10-15 04:21:56 · answer #3 · answered by Jill M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to think with your head, not your heart. There are two ways to look at it,...you could leave you partner for this other person, but know that the grass is Not always greener on the other side, and all that glitters isn't gold. You could stay with your partner and be miserable, and continue to take care of him, but how exactly are you helping him to be a real man? Or you could realize that maybe you need to leave your partner and be by yourself for a while until you decide if this other person is what you really want, or if it's you current. Good Luck!
2007-10-15 04:11:38 · answer #4 · answered by Tre 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I started reading your question and thought how low you are for leaving someone, but then, after reading he has been unemployed for 2 years, I think you should leave him. What an a**, he is so selfish... No jobs for him? What, is he too good to be a waiter? Is he above working at an office? Take a job where he will be unhappy? THAT'S WHAT WE ALL DO!!! That's why it's called a job, not a hobby.
Help him one last time to find his way back to his parents, he is too spoiled and needs to grow up.
2007-10-15 04:11:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Yes, break up with him. You're not committed right? You made him no promises. You don't need marriage to be commited, assuming you made no promises...give him a few weeks notice to move out and/or if you're feeling generous offer to buy him a bus ticket to see his family. Do not feel responsible for any actions he takes against himself after you break up with him, but if you're afraid for your safety, consider staying with friends for a few days. You may also want to consider either getting out of your lease, if you can (sometimes you can do this with notice) or subleting your apartment and finding somewhere else to live.
2007-10-15 04:11:15 · answer #6 · answered by some female 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Woulda, coulda, shoulda....
If you had put more effort into your current relationship, you wouldn't have time to think of someone new...
Before you leave this one, you need to get him up off his butt, get him a job,etc
You need to do this even if he stays..
"doesn't want to take job where he will be unhappy" means " I would rather sponge of you"
2007-10-15 04:14:19 · answer #7 · answered by Sophie B 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
First of all, he's not a man to have you take care of him for all this time. you need to INSIST that he finds a job so that he can take care of himself. A lot of people hate their jobs but they do it, so what makes him different? he chose to follow you, not your fault. tell him that you need some time away from him and he needs to realize that you aren't an ATM and that money comes from work. How dare he! you gotta take care of you first and foremost.
don't cave into being his mom!
2007-10-15 04:17:30 · answer #8 · answered by WiseGirl84 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dont let guilt make you stay, he is a big boy, he got on without you before he met you and will continue to get on after you go. Dont hold yourself back, take the noose from your neck and move on.
2007-10-15 04:22:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
why can't he get a job? I'm sure something is out there for him. He sounds like a user and you need to get rid of him even though it might mean that you will hurt him but I'm sure he is not that happy wether
2007-10-15 04:12:48 · answer #10 · answered by oh_jo123 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋