my fiance of 4 years has been cheating on me with one of my coworkers. we also work together. hes been cheating with her for about three months. i just found this out two weeks ago. and i also found out hes been cheating with his ex girl friend. im now finding out about another coworker. would i be a damn fool to work it out with him. or should i just move on. he broke down crying saying how sorry he is and he will change and never do it again. hes begging me not to leave him. i have three kids that look up to him as their dad. they love him so dearly. and he says he love us so much. i do believe he love us. i dont think he knows how to be faithful. and i love him to. but the images in my head of him is sickning. my heart is broken and so is my trust. we had a happy home. and i know i didnt do anything to cause him to cheat. i am so confused right now. i dont know what to do. i want to hate him but my heart wont let me. the pain is telling me to leave but my heart is telling me to stay
2007-10-15 04:02:12 · 17 answers · asked by ms sassy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you stay it will only be easier for him to do it the next time. Once you let a guy know that he can walk over you he will.
2007-10-15 04:08:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
No one can tell you what to do. You have to make that decision on your own. Personally I've stuck with my boyfriend of 11 years after he cheated on me more than once. After I finally found out he swore it would never happen again. I don't know if it did or not because I could no longer trust or believe what he said. Even after getting over the initial shock and pain it still hurt my heart every day to think he would cheat on me. So the problem is trust is lost and what is a relationship without trust. Maybe if he get's professional help. You have so much to think about especially with the kids but staying with someone just for the children will only hurt the children in the long run. I hope this advice helps you.
2007-10-15 04:22:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well..... you both work at the same place and he is cheating on you with co-workers? That just takes a lot of brass! Hon, he really doesn't care, or he wouldn't be screwin around like this.
You don't have to hate someone to realize that you need to end things with them.
From your question, the three kids you have are from someone other than your fiance. You need to put an end to this relationship, before you wind up with a 4th child!
You don't say how old you are, but even if you started at 16 it figures that you are at the youngest 22 or 23 y/o. Not too old to find the "right one", which he for sure isn't. But, the more kids you have the more difficult it is gonna be to find a decent guy, that will love you and your kids.
Cut this joker loose and look for a real man.
2007-10-15 04:30:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, let me tell you how sorry I am for you. I know this is humiliating. Reality is, he's an inconsiderate bastard. How dare he cheat on you with someone that you work with? How can you work it out? Are you going to quit your job? Please think logically here. You still have to see those women everyday. He didn't consider the position that he was putting you in and obviously didn't care. Of course, he's sorry NOW. What if you didn't catch him or find out? My ma was in a similar position with my dad . He actually fathered a child by another woman who died unexpectedly. I begged my ma to leave my dad because I knew what would happen if she didn't. He cried and apologized profusely. She stayed and took the little girl in. My dad is cheating on her with another woman. At least one that I know about for sure. If my ma had left him, even if she eventually came back, he would have had a better appreciation for her but since she made it easy for him he is taking complete advantage of her. If he truly valued you, he wouldn't have cheated, If he truly cared, it wouldn't have been with people that you know. If he valued your children he wouldn't have put you through so much. I can't imagine the pain you are in right now but you deserve better and so does your children. What kind of example are you setting for your children? What happens if your daughter in the same position one day? What would you tell her to do? You don't have to hate him. Don't feel guilty for having a heart. However, you don't owe him anything. Don't let him make you feel guilty because of what he has done for you...because you have done things for him. Time heals all wounds and the earlier you break it off and move on, the sooner your healing process will begin....God Bless
2007-10-15 05:48:56 · answer #4 · answered by Lana 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to decide if YOU can handle this. It's not about HIM anymore. He messed that all up, so now you have to consider YOU and your kids, and that's it. Can you EVER learn to trust him again, or are you ALWAYS going to wonder what or who he's doing? It's not worth ANYONE'S security or peace of mind to stay in a situation that will leave them feeling "anxious" all the time. If he'd messed up with ONE person, I'd be more apt to say he screwed up, he's still redeemable. But he didn't. Apparently, he was sowing his wild oats ALL OVER THE PLACE. Of course he's crying. He knows you. He knows he's blowing a REALLY good thing if you walk. But THAT didn't stop him from betraying you, did it? I'd say, search within yourself. If you even CONSIDER staying with him, his WHOLE life has to become an open book. His email-open. His cell phone-open. His whereabouts-open.
Even then, it will take you forever and a day to learn to live with this. You will NEVER "get over it". Those images won't go away for a very long time. I'd INSIST he goes to counseling with AND without you. If he isn't willing to get help, you have NO reason to believe in him for anything else.
I have to say, I don't think I could do it. Too many people, and too much baggage for ME to carry around because of HIM. There are men out there that WON'T do this to you!
Whatever you do, YOU need to be the one calling the shots, NOT HIM. You do whatever is going to be best for you, and your children.
2007-10-15 04:27:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said yourself that you dont think that he can be faithful, why would you want to be married to someone that is going to screw everything in sight? How many women did you find out about? 3? 4? C'mon, I think you know what to do. Your just scared to be alone after more then 4 yrs with someone. He doesnt love you or your children, if he did, he would not have cheated and risked losing everything he has with you. But for the sake of the arguement, say you stay with him. Fast forward down the road, do you actually think you can trust him not to cheat? Say he brings a disease home (which at his rate, it VERY likely) say its HIV, then what? You get it, die and leave your kids without a mother...And I know Im going to the extreme, but who knows? Diseases are out there, and you are always at risk for ANYTHING when you have more then one partner....For your happiness, and safety..not to mention your children...leave this loser and let him cheat on someone else...Good luck :)
2007-10-15 04:11:01 · answer #6 · answered by MayMay 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He has cheated on you with 3 different women and you want to know if you should work it out? Are you insane? Are you a glutton for punishment? You would be a fool to stay with your fiance of "4 years"...no wonder you haven't gotten married...he can't stay committed to you and keep his d*ck in his pants where it belongs...
2007-10-15 04:08:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
how many times are you gonna let your heart get torn apart from this guy hes already at 3 and do you think he can change cause it takes 2 to do that kinda stuff i know that the kids look up to him but if they grow up and find out about his extracirricular activities wahts that gonna say about morals to them still its your decision but if it were me and he stayed then there would be some changes in the midst and i dont think you will ever forget forgive maybe but forget and live happily i dont know do you?
2007-10-15 04:11:52 · answer #8 · answered by the_orc_1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He will continue to cheat. Only if you can tolerate this cheating can you work it out. If my fiance was cheating, there would be no wedding and I'd get as far away as I could. The problems far outweigh the benefits.
2007-10-15 04:35:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What ever you do dont make the decisions because of the kids, that will only make you blame them for being unhappy.. but dont get married untill you are 100% sure you want him forever... marriege doesnt solve your problems, even tho muct people think it can cange people...
2007-10-15 04:09:47 · answer #10 · answered by christineth1 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋