I know you are not getting his side of the story, but he sees no problems in our relationship and all I see are problems. So..he doesn't think we have anything we need to work on. He thinks it's perfectly alright not to sleep together, hug, kiss, tell each other I love you, etc. Among other things, I found out he has a bank account I never knew about and when I ask about it he gives very vague answers. When I ask why my name isn't on it with his, he says, "So." We have been married almost 9 years and the only reason I think I haven't took the kids and moved out is because I don't have the money to and no place to go.
2007-10-15 03:50:13 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He has a clue, he just doesn't care. Are you going to wait until the kids are grown before you live your life? Get the money, job, bank account however you can and leave this bum...
2007-10-15 04:00:34 · answer #1 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, this sounds really messed up. You both need some serious counseling. It does sound like something is up big time with him. All the signs are there, not sleeping together, no hugging, kissing or saying I love you. Then there is the other bank account, what does he need that for after 9 years of marriage? I would seriously follow him one day with a camera, if he has a cell phone, check for any numbers, text messages or voice mail that is suspicious. See if you can find something on the computer. Perhaps there is someone you can talk too about this that you can trust to help you. To me, something is up and something is not right. That bank account or anything else is all yours if he is cheating, which all the signs are there that he is. I'm sorry to say this, not to hurt your feeling or to be disrespectful, but it's seems you are clueless as to what's going on with your husband. Good luck. Hugs.
2007-10-15 11:10:51 · answer #2 · answered by Perkymo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Communication is the issue. I think you are hurt because he has a separate account, which you should be...that implies a break down in trust. If he wants a separate account, he needs to let you know why. I think people generally have a different reality from each other, some people think the worst and others think the best. Maybe he is being honest with you about how he feels the relationship is going or perhaps there is something else going on. You need answers!
2007-10-15 11:03:54 · answer #3 · answered by lahockeyg 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First sit him down and tell him about what you feel on the issue, but never accuse or point the finger you'll just put him in the defensive mode and he'll shut down. Seek some professional counseling. Get that account number because if you do get a divorce in most states you are entitled to 50% of all financial and personal belongings. Also you would be intidaled to the home because you would be the costodial parent. Good luck I went through this 7 yrs ago and it was'nt pretty.
2007-10-15 11:05:49 · answer #4 · answered by Crazy Frog 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Start your own savings account, go out and get a job/trade/school. Something where you can be self supporting or at least pay rent and get food stamps for the kids. Because his behavior is very odd, and since he has this account and hasn't told you he is not clueless. Sneaky, yes. I have my own bank accounts separate from our joint accounts and those are for safety measures in case. In case of what? Death, divorce anything. He knows about mine, but in your case I probably wouldn't say anything.
Good luck
2007-10-15 11:13:31 · answer #5 · answered by Jill M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your married and your husband and you sleep in separate beds right, Theres nothing wrong with this to him he tells you he loves you and gives you hugs and kisses right. he has a bank account without your name on it and your upset about this right. you just found out about this and it made you angry enough to leave home after 9 years of marriage and you have kids right. but you don't have any money to leave with stay at home mom.
pray because god can make things right.
best of luck
2007-10-15 11:03:28 · answer #6 · answered by mmurray001 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he thinks everything is alright and you do not, obviously you are not communicating effectively with him. Sure, you can say he's a man and it's impossible to communicate with men or use any other excuse, but it is your responsibility to let your feelings be known. There is no such thing as mind readers! You may want to consider marriage counselling. This way you can learn effective methods of communicating and he can learn the same and to listen.
2007-10-15 10:55:42 · answer #7 · answered by some female 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband knows that it isn't "perfectly alright" to not sleep together, hug, kiss, and tell each other I love you".....He also had an account that he hid from you...I am sorry...but I honestly believe your husband is having an affair....he is getting his emotional needs met with another woman and is using this account to afford her things.....
2007-10-15 10:55:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
actually I think you are the clueless one... he has someone on the side, which is why he does not kiss you... which he uses the other bank account to see her with... he uses that money on her... divorce, milk him for every penny...tell your lawyer about his other bank account, then you will have money for a place to go =) good luck =)
2007-10-15 10:57:17 · answer #9 · answered by elvlayarvvi fEisty wife and mom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont know how to advise you other than to say, when my dad did that with my step mom, it was to have a back up just incase they broke up...but fyi it is still your money too, atlest half, so you are intitled to it...thats the ***** of being married...Good luck!!
2007-10-15 11:00:34 · answer #10 · answered by christineth1 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋