19 and want a baby?? Need advice?

Question

I am 19 and I want a baby very badly. I have been dating my b/f for almost 4 years. He is the love of my life. He is 22. We live together and both have good jobs. We could financially support a baby I know we could. I know its hard work and it would change my life forever. And as for us being at work I have 3 sisters that would be more than willing to watch my baby. In which 2 of them don't work cuz they are stay at home mothers. NO im not married but we will be someday I don't think a piece of paper has anything to do with this cuz if we were married he could leave me then to but I know he wouldn't leave me. He wants a baby with me hes told me so just not right now but he is 22 isn't that a decent age for him to have one? I am a very mature person Ive never been the one to go party and neither is he. I do believe we are capable responsible and financially stable to have one. I need advice on how to convince him to have one with me. Please no rude comments I don't need them thanks

I didn't mean it like convincing him im just trying to get him to understand what im saying. Im not pressuring him into nothing I would never do such a thing I understand and respect where he is coming from I just want him to understand where im coming from. I would never sabotage anything in order to trick him into having a baby its not right and I know that. I know why he doesnt want one but its also hard to make the feelings go away I cant help what im feeling. And as for living i believe that I already have. Why would i need to be able to buy my own beer before i have a kid I dont drink so whats that matter.. I dont go out very often so I would always be with it unless im at work. and even when ur 30 you still want to go out with friends so why is it any different if ur 30 or 19, I know I have my whole life but ive seen things happen that if that person didnt have a baby young they would have never had one because they got serious ill and I think thats what scares me the most.

Answer 1

I understand what you're saying dear, but you're still young. Enjoy your youth. You only get it once!! You sound very mature as does he. If he's not ready for a baby, then he's not ready. I don't think you fully realize what having a child entails. No more making split second decisions. No more sleeping in. No more getting ready in 1/2 hour. Having a child changes everything. Even possibly the relationship with your partner. Just give it a few years.

Answer 2

Think long and hard about this one, and if your man is not ready, I would wait it out a bit. Having a child is a HUGE responsibility, and I am not just talking about the finacial side of things. I always wanted a baby, right from when I was 16 years old, but waited, and I had my son 2 weeks after I turned 25. I was so glad I waited, the whole mental aspects of being a monther, you can never be prepared for. You will worry about everything, your life is no longer your own, you live for your child. My husband is lovign and supportive and a EXCELLENT father, which makes parenting alot easier, but it is definatly a full time job, and changes your life drastically.

I love being a mom, and we have been trying for another, but I am really glad I had a few years to myself even to just mature. I wasn't a big partier either, but you really grow emotionally from 19 - 23, I would take that time to grow, and return to the bay conversation with your man then. It is alot better when you both are ready and willing, and he will be a better father when he is ready for a baby. Don't ever try to force parenthood on someone, as it is a huge life changing milestone in your life, don't make that choice for someone else. Respect his wishes.

Good Luck

Answer 3

Convince him? Well,wouldn't you think it would be better if you maybe waited until he was ready to have a baby too? I mean.. you convince him..you get pregnant, then he realizes you "tricked" him into having a baby and is mad.. What if that happens? I'm not saying it necessarily will happen that way.
Altho, all I can advise you to do is keep reminding him of how wonderful it will be to have a child with him. I am not sure what else you can do to convince someone to have a baby. Also you might think you can do it, but trust me Hun, ..It is hard whether you have the financial means or not..Money isn't the only thing you need to raise a baby. I personally agree with you on the fact that you guys dont HAVE to be married and all that ****.. (my husband and I weren't when we had our first, I was 22 and he was 26 at the time) I do agree that it's just a piece of paper that costs money lol..
Anyway I dont know if this helped or I am just babbling my thoughts.. hope it may have a lil bit
Good luck with everything ;)

Answer 4

You need to live a little before you have a baby. I had my son when I was 24, Ill be 25 in about 13 days. I think my age is perfect for having babies cause I have gotten to go out and party and experience things. I couldnt imagine having a baby and not even being legally allowed to drink a beer. I would suggest waiting, I know you want a baby really bad but your time will come and it will all happen. Just dont try to rush growing up cause its really hard. You should just slow down and be a teenager for a little bit longer. At least wait until you can go to a bar and order your OWN beer!! lol I would seriously wait though. GOod luck!!

Answer 5

what in your opinion is "enough" to raise a baby on? sounds like you do not even attend school at the moment.... try to get a degree first, get a good cushion on life... then worry about bringing another life into this world...i am not just speaking like some old woman... i am 22 and have been with the same man for 6 years now. we will both have college degrees in 6 months, both already have full time positions... make around 65,000 a year and we are worried about affording a new house let alone a child next year. Im sure that will change when we get "real jobs" after graduation but even then a child is about 3 years away, when we know for sure we are financially stable with savings built up for the "what ifs" of life. please do not rush into motherhood as you are still a child yourself. if you are not in school, please enroll becuase without it, you and your boyfriend have no chance of financial freedom unless you start your own business or are an excellent investor

Answer 6

Honestly, I don't think that most men are ready to be fathers at 22. Those I know who were ready at that age tend to be deeply religious men who married young and for life.

When one person wants a baby and the other doesn't, the "no" should win. Please don't try to strong-arm him into having a baby. Either wait until you are both ready, or cut him loose and find someone who is ready.

The point of dating is to find someone with whom you are compatable. A big part of that is wanting the same things in regard to family.

Yes, husbands can leave too, but if you are married, you have more legal recourse. I doubt that you would receive alimony payments in a break-up as opposed to a divorce. Also, it is harder to leave a marriage. You have made a committment (legal, social an religious) to each other that is harder to break. The only people I know who truly belive that marriage is "just a peice of paper" are those who are not married. My husband and I lived together for over 2 years before we were married. We were both finished with our education, etc. and were in our 20s and 30s. I can tell you from my experience, that after we were married (and I mean immediately after), the relationship changed. Our committment was deepened and was official. That may not sound like a big deal, but it is.

Answer 7

You should reevaluate the situation. Having a baby is not something you can change later. Have fun while you're young. I am 23 and would like a baby but I know it would be better to have a career instead of a job. Babies aren't cheap! Also don't pressure him into having one because when things go bad he'll blame you. Many "happy" couples break up during pregnancy or after. I've seen it happen several times and trust me, no one thought that would happen. Just rethink your financial situation and make sure you know you can give that baby everything it needs, wants and more.If you two decide to have it,I wish you and the baby the best!

Answer 8

Listen, i'm your age and you might think you want a baby, but you should wait. I work at a daycare and while I love my job and the kids are great let me tell you it's hard work. And that's just part time! if you have a baby how are you going to work, and raise a kid? you cant, because you'd be paying a babysitter basically your whole check, or you'd end up being a stay at home mom. there is nothing wrong with having kids, but baby's take a lot of work. its a 24/7 job. that means no more hanging out with friends whenever you want, no movies on a saturday night, no shopping trips to the mall. once your a mom, you aren't going to get much of a break for the next 18 years. Your best friend wants you to go out to eat with a bunch of friends, and hang out downtown? you cant, you have to watch the baby! Its expensive, all the toys, baby food, clothes, crib, rocker, changing table, high chair, bottles, blankets, pacafciers, medical care. Im really sorry you lost your baby. but i would wait if i was you. do you have any dreams or goals that you want? because that goes right out the window if you have a kid. your life wont be about you it will be all about the baby. anything you want, any freedom, anything else you want to do will be put on hold, until the baby is 18 and then it will be too late for you to do what you want. your youth will be gone when your 19, you should be out, having fun, figuring out how to have your own life and what you want to do. not having kids. you have the next thirty years to have children, you only have RIGHT now to do ANYTHING with your life. Do have a dream job? you want to become a photographer? Do you want to travel? go to europe? california? do you want to go to college? do you want to move to NYC? you cant do any of that if you have kids young. a lot of people who have children very young, regret that they were so young, they regret that they didn't take advantage of being young and free. its not that they regret their kids, but that you will never get these years back. is being a mom, and staying home for the next 18 years really what you want? is that the only thing you want to accomplish with your life?

Answer 9

Are you able to "borrow a baby of a friends for a weekend or more ".
Lets say your friends are going on a weekend get away or something.
Give a few weekends with this scenario first to see if you are really ready.
Next do a budget report with your boyfriend and see where you are at.
The biggest argument will be over money and do you have the room for a baby as well as have proper care for your child when you are at work.
You could be ready and your boyfriend as well, but you are only 19 ,you still have many good years ahead, try to enjoy your young adult life while you can

Answer 10

i understant how you feel i really do but if you need to convince him to have a baby now then it really isn't the perfect time. You really don't want to force him into something that he is not 100% ready for he might hold it against you in the future having a baby puts a huge strain on even the most perfect relationships never mind if he has doubts. Just please please please try and and enjoy yourself go out have fun lie in at the weekends then in 6 months, a year or whenever you and your partner decide is the right time for both of you it will be so much more enjoyable and less stressfull. I won't patronise you by telling you how hard and tiring it is to have a baby when you are a teenager.

Good Luck