My husband is having some surgery done next week, something to do with his stomach. Although I have been seeing someone else and he knows about it he still asked me to be with him the day of the surgery, the whole day. I told him that I had no problem with taking him in the morning but that I really didn't want to spend the whole day sitting around while he is being operated on as it supposed to take several hours and you know how hospital are, it always takes longer. He made me feel very guilty for not wanting to stay. He is supposed to be in the hospital for several days so its not like he needs a ride home. What does he want from me?
2007-10-15 03:25:04 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes we are still living together and I don't want to change that right now...Thats part of it that I think he is using situations like this to manipulate me into spending time with him and keep me apart from my bf.
2007-10-15 03:37:36 · update #1
The vow, "In sickness and in health" springs to mind. If you don't love him or want to support him you should leave him and the least you can do for the poor fellow at his hour of need is accompany him to hospital.
2007-10-15 03:28:41 · answer #1 · answered by isleofskye 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
While I don't know all the circumstances surrounding this issue , it's rather difficult to not be judgemental as you don't portray yourself in a very flattering light.
You seem to think that the fact that you've decided to break your martial vows entitles you to do less for your husband than what you'd probably do for a friend.
The answer to your question is quite simple: your husband wants the same thing that anybody who's having surgery wants: a little moral support and the feeling that there's someone in your corner during this trying time.
The fact that this needs to be explained to you makes me think that you need surgery too; a heart implant.
2007-10-15 03:50:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sharon4U, I'm really uncertain as to what your husband is asking of you. By the sounds of you question he is your ex and you two have a friendly relationship still, which is very healthy. Perhaps he is just scared or possibilities of surgery and not wanting to show his frailties he has just asked you to be there so he recognizes a friendly face when he comes to. Ask him point blank why he wants you to stay while he is under and perhaps you could also let him know that you will be around to see him when he is more cognizant and alert. He may very well be trying to make you feel some guilt, childish game if so, but he may be truly scared and uncertain of outcome. You may not be aware of total story and reason for the surgery as he may not have shared the whole story with you. My best advice is to talk with him in a mature and open conversation and find out what his agenda is. Best of luck to each of you.
2007-10-15 03:33:36 · answer #3 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Are you really his wife? Do you actually care about your husband? You do not even know exactly what his surgery is for.
You are a horrible wife and I am glad that my wife is nothing like you!! I could not imagine being married to you. I went in for surgery and my wife stayed with me. While she was able to take me home that day, she would have stayed no matter what to make sure that I came out of surgery alright.
When my wife was in the hospital for seven days, I worked from home and went back and forth to the hospital so that I could be with her. I slept in the hospital with her. That is how important she is to me.
Take care and Grow Up,
Troy
2007-10-15 03:44:55 · answer #4 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Evidently he wants someone there for a comfort zone. Eventhough you two are on the outs, you still are the closest thing he has for someone to lean on for support. I don't think iot's too much for you to be there for awhile for the recovery. But you shouldn't have to be there during the operation. Just be there for a little time when it seems critical to him. And yes, he may need a ride home, depending on how fast the hospital wants to discharge him and what kind of medications he's on when released.
2007-10-15 03:33:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is your husband and he is looking for some support and some one to be there for him. I guess a question for you is why do you not want to be there for him. You might be seeing some one else and that is a whole other issue but obviously you loved him at one point and time so I find it strange that you could not be there for him for this. You need to do what is right for you but to me it sounds like you are being very selfish and need to think of others at this point in time. How would you feel if you were going through a sugery and no one was there for you? How would you feel?
2007-10-15 03:33:48 · answer #6 · answered by butterfly_2blue 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should go and stay a while (he is your husband). You can take work and things you need to do there, but you don't have to stay there the whole time. Your husband just wants security. Since your seeing someone else he feels less secure and more lonely. By letting him think or know your there. It makes him feel that someone cares and is thinking about him. He just wants to know there is someone who would be there if he was about to die. Someone he could say goodbye to.
2007-10-15 03:56:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU! He is scared and wants you to be near...I think that is a compliment....If you don't want to be there during the opperation at least let him think you will be so he will be eased...He will never know if you were there or not, until he comes out of it and asks for you ,but you should stay in case of complications...WOULD YOU BE UPSET if he didn't make it???????? if not ,,think about why you are married and discuss things well after he is healed...THIS IS NOT THE TIME for fighting or hard feelings.
He needs your support to help him through this...
WISH HIM WELL and BE with him,,,or not say good bye forever!! IT MIGHT BE!!
2007-10-15 03:28:15 · answer #8 · answered by Eileen J 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
1. You shouldn't be living with him and have a bf.
2. How do you know he's not scared? You don't.
3. You own him for not kicking your sorry butt out of the house so stay at the stupid hospital.
2007-10-15 06:19:46 · answer #9 · answered by Spring 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess all he wants for you is to be there, even though your heart and mind is not with him, he probably thinks that your physical presence is more than enough. Maybe it was his fault that you are seeing someone else, but I'm sure you have had good times together too. Why not give him support at least just this once?
2007-10-15 03:31:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋