I used my husband computer last night and saw that he is a member of an adult sex site that help you to find local discreet sexual encounters. I also saw a few XXX pictures of him on the site and in his computer that was taken at some chicks house, that he took himself in the mirror. He has his mail going to hi mothers house, passwords on everything. Never show me the checking account statements. The last time I saw his credit card statement, it was hotel charges, at least once per month. Then recently I found viagra in his glove compartment, and that is our biggest problem "lack of sex". I know I agreed to give him his privacy, but I think this is too much. I want to leave but we have 3 kids together, and just tired of having them to sacrafice. The crazy part about it all is, we have been through so much b/c of him that, this time I'm not even hurt, just tired and want a change in my life. What should I do?
2007-10-15 02:17:17 · 21 answers · asked by sassy lady 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Lady, you KNOW what to do. It's just that doing that sucks. You have my sympathy, cuz divorce is such a hideous thing to go through. Sometimes life sucks. We'd all like to live happily ever after. We'd also like to stay young forever, and win lotteries every week. Unfortunately, we don't always get what we'd like. But, we all deal with lousy situations. You can either deal with reality, or lie to yourself, make excuses and pretend that things aren't as you know they are. All that will accomplish is to make you miserable. It's bad enough that your spouse is behaving as scum. Lying to yourself just delays what is going to happen, and makes this worse for you, and your kids.
2007-10-15 02:40:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Take it from a me, never stay because of the kids. My mom did that, and we hated it, I used to ask her all the time to just leave, but she stayed.
You owe it to yourself to be happy, first of all he is cheating on you, and you could end up with some std. He's on a sex site that solicits intercourse... you have no idea how clean those freaks are... He is so into his encounters that he is ignoring you, why stay married to someone who doesn't give a fcuk about you???
I hear you on being tired, who wouldnt be? You get past the point of being hurt, and now your just disgusted, sick and tired of being used and ignored... you dont deserve that, its not all you, your husband has a problem. Actually his biggest problem is lack of respect for you and your children, and lack of love and honor for his family.
It's hard, when you have children, to just go. But can you REALLY be the best mom, and the best YOU while staying with this "man?" You're not happy, and you dont deserve to be in this situation. I say you get up the strength to leave. I know its easier said than done, but if you really want that change in your life, you'll go after it. Sometimes these things happen to push us to a point where we regain control in our lives. Go get your life back!
I hope this helps. :)
2007-10-15 09:35:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you have already accepted that it's over...there is no way you could save this marriage even if you wanted to...tell him you know what he has been doing (don't allow him to turn the tables on you by telling you that you shouldn't have been checking on him) let him know you want to start life again without him...most important is that you shelter the kids from as much of the pain that will happen...it will be a long hard road but in a few years things should settle down for you and you may have that new start you wanted...good luck
2007-10-15 09:31:47 · answer #3 · answered by hanz2602 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Move on with your life. You can't be a good mother if you have to constantly deal with the negativity of your own life. Better to struggle on your own and be happy than to struggle with someone and be miserable. Don't get down on your husband in front of the kids. They will eventually see the man he really is. If you leave, he will have to pay child support. That might even be more than he contributes now. Good luck to you.
2007-10-15 09:28:23 · answer #4 · answered by pitterpat 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Do you really want your children seeing you being used and abused? You could try therapy but I have a feeling he will not want to change as he is hiding this from you, so I would consider taking my children and leaving..what more evidence do you need that he is cheating on you.
2007-10-15 09:39:25 · answer #5 · answered by typerchic34 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You need to make you happy. Your children will adjust to what ever happens. Worry about your self. You do not want to live unhappy for your life do you? Life is so short. Good Luck
2007-10-15 10:03:11 · answer #6 · answered by Wilma 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have had the same problem. The best thing you could do is talk to him and tell him that u love him. One night if your in laws or ur parents are home or there there close to u guys then take them over there or let them spend the night with friends if thats okay with u and there old enough. Buy this real sexy outfit and wear it. When he is starting to go to bed then go put what ever u think he would like and go and lay down beside him and tell him that u are tired of him not having anything to do with u and u want it now
2007-10-15 09:32:37 · answer #7 · answered by Kimmie 2 · 0⤊ 4⤋
sassy in ur case the only reason why u cant take a big step are ur children, u certainly love them and dont let their life to b ruined. but at the same time ur life is becoming hell with ur husband. i suggest u to b strong and carry on with ur responsibilities abt ur kids and NO-COOPERATION and no concern abt ur hubby...may b he thinks abt the changes and find out more things tht makes u happy in life ...may b some frds, partying and so many things which lets u diverted frm the problem.
2007-10-15 09:27:45 · answer #8 · answered by im_ur_destiny007 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I would just leave . Trust me you don't want to stay and be unhappy . you will only Begin to resent him . I stayed3 years to long and am just no breaking up . Just keep you head up things will work out , Just know that what ever you do that it is effecting those precious baby's of yours . Good luck in what ever you may decide i will pray for you...
2007-10-15 09:26:44 · answer #9 · answered by CYNTHIA 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Don't you think your children deserve a father that puts all this time and effort into them and their mother? Leave and show them their mother cares about their welfare. You deserve better than this sleaze.
2007-10-15 09:42:16 · answer #10 · answered by kitkat 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋