My boyfriend and I started dating just over a year ago. He was still married at the time but very unhappy and his ex was cheating on him. They have a 16 year old daughter. she's been getting in trouble (using drugs and stealing things). Saturday her mother dropped her off at our apartment and told my bf that she found cocaine in their daughter's bag. And she was grounded for 3 weeks for stealing. He told me, but didn't say anything about it to his daughter. Yesterday morning she left, just took off. We went out looking for her but couldn't find her. My bf called his ex just to let her know. But about 2 hours later his ex called and yelled into the phone "you and Melissa need to come downstairs NOW" so we did. i get downstairs and she starts screaming at me. Saying that her daughter called her crying because I told her that her mom found cocaine in her bag and she was going to be in more trouble. I just walked away from her because that's the 3rd or 4th time she's done that to me.
2007-10-15 01:55:26 · 23 answers · asked by Melissa V 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think their daughter does that so she won't get in trouble for taking off. She knows that her mother hates me so when she says "Melissa told me that you found cocaine in my bag and now I'm in more trouble" crying on the phone to her mother it pushes buttons and turns her mothers anger onto me. I never said anything to their daughter about anything and I'm so sick of being bitched at everytime their kid gets into trouble.
2007-10-15 01:59:08 · update #1
My bf tried to talk to his x about their daughter's drug problems months ago when if was just a problem with pot and she blew him off. she said that they did it when they were young so it's probably fine. I know for a fact that his x and her bf smoke pot daily so maybe she feels hypocritical if she yells at her kid for it but she has to be a parent.
I try to stay out of things involving their kid, and the divorce when they were figuring out money and the house and everything- which she got all of even though she didn't deserve any of it. Her bf moved in 2 days after my bf moved out and since then their daughter has been worse.
2007-10-15 02:10:14 · update #2
Also just found out 2 weeks ago that I'm pregnant. And we're planning to get married next year
2007-10-15 02:14:55 · update #3
The best thing for you to do is nothing at all. Let the boyfriend deal with it. Its his problem.
2007-10-15 01:58:49 · answer #1 · answered by Schoolgirl504 3 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I am married to a man who has a loose cannon ex and three children. If I knew then what I know now about the trouble these people (blended family) can cause in a relationship, I probably never would have given my husband the first hello. However I did and I am crazy about him....he is a good man and a rare find. You are lucky that the daughter is 16. That only leaves two years of the constant raising of her between mother and father....however if she is a big screw up there may be lingering involvement with the ex in the future. I don't know, I haven't gotten there yet....oldest here is 16 and youngest is 11. The life of the blended family is a hard one. The next wife and step mother is the hardest job I have ever done. You are taken for granted, used as a whipping post, advised to never get involved in his first family's conflicts and still are required to sit still as you take the blame for many things that aren't your fault....even lied about on a weekly basis. If you truly love this man, read about blended family issues....this will be the hardest role you will ever accept into your life.....it will be the best reading you have ever done for self awareness and will help you make a sound decision on what you want for your future. These people are not going to go away.....they become a part of you.
2007-10-15 02:05:12 · answer #2 · answered by Rein 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You and your b/f really need to sit down and have a long talk.
The daughter needs to be made aware of the fact that all of
you know what she is doing and it is not acceptable. Your b/f
needs to discuss this w/the ex and make it known her behavior is also unacceptable. You may be caught in the
middle (so to speak) but she (the ex) has no right taking out
her anger on you even if you did tell the daughter what you
ALL know. The daughter is playing both ends against the
middle hoping to divert attention away from the real problem.
Which is her. It is also going to cause you and your b/f tons
of trouble if she is with you and the cops get involved. With her being a minor and drugs too.
Act Now if he cares for you at all he will get involved and do
something.
2007-10-15 02:10:17 · answer #3 · answered by ittybitty1962 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like my ex. This woman hates the fact that your boyfriend and you have started a relationship. She will take out anything and everything on you and never accept responsibility for her own actions, or lack of actions. The kids is also a user and has seen her mother do it soooo many times that the kids may be just as good as the mother.
If you really love this guy, tell him to handle it because it is driving you crazy and it is driving a wedge between the two of you. Sounds as if the whole family needs counseling and the kid should be sent away to get cleaned up.
Wish you well...
2007-10-15 02:10:40 · answer #4 · answered by rrunner68 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what you are going through. I have six step kids. Unfortunately, you can't get in the middle of the problem with the daughter. It's between the two parents to deal with. But what you can do is express your opinion with your bf and let him know that he should consider your feelings because the kid is coming into your home and you have the right to want to keep peace in your home. As far as the ex goes, your bf should stand up for you and tell her that he will not permit her to disrespect you. You all need to speak to each other in a civil manner and if she doesn't want to comply with that, then maybe they need to find someone who will act as the middle man even if it involves the court to appoint someone. The daughter is feeding off of all of this and knows as long as the adults are arguing, the attention will not be on her. Sounds like she needs a stint in juvey for unruly child or maybe rehab. If you really love this guy, hang in there. In two years she will be 18 and she will be held accountable for her actions, not her parents.
2007-10-15 02:15:58 · answer #5 · answered by leigh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously the child has had some issues for a while now and serious ones. I would either leave it up to the boyfriend to deal with as I don't think the mother or daughter are going to listen to you or if you can't deal with it move on. It sucks being in your position but the parents are the ones who are enabling the child to act as she does. Not much you can do. Either accept it for a few more years until she is 18 or get out of the relationship.
2007-10-15 02:08:00 · answer #6 · answered by justme 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My sympathies to you, if possible, stay out of the problems with the daughter and let your bf and his x handle everything. I know it will be hard to keep quiet about things but the x is going to try and find some way to blame you for all the problems and not take the responsibility on herself. The best you can do is just be there to support your bf and be available if and when the daughter decides she needs someone to talk to. Listen to her but don't judge her, just let her know that you are there for her. If the X calls/comes by again and starts getting on you, just calmly tell her that you are not listening to her until she can talk to you in a normal voice and that the problems with her daughter are between her and her x.
I wish you the best of luck...
2007-10-15 02:02:36 · answer #7 · answered by ♥STREAKER♥©℗† 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to let your boyfriend handle his daughter and his ex-wife.
Do not ever let the ex-wife tell you what to do "you and Melissa need to come downstairs NOW"...is complete and total BS. You are not responsible for her daughter in the slightest, so you do not need to obey her orders. Stay out of it.
If your boyfriend doesn't stand up for you and tell the ex that you didn't say anything to the daughter about the drugs, then you should probably start looking for a better man....one who will stand by you and quit being loyal to his ex-wife...sorry to say that, but it's true....many men are loyal to the woman who had their child.
Whatever you do, break off any contact you have with the ex-wife and never do what she says. She has no authority over you....and make sure that boyfriend of yours has your back.
Good luck.
2007-10-15 02:06:03 · answer #8 · answered by Loves the Ponies 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I live a life with a husband who has 4 daughters and 2 moms. There is drama and I have learned the hard way to not make comments or involve myself in any way possible. For me, this has been one of the things in our relationship that I cannot ever win. It hasn't been said, but, whenever my husband tries to discuss the girls, I just say that I'm sure that they will work it all out. I cannot allow myself to get emotionally involved because I always come out a loser in this one. It has always come back to haunt me.
If the woman has a drug problem, my recommendation is to keep your things locked away somewhere. It's unfortunate but that's the way it is. Good luck.
2007-10-15 02:07:41 · answer #9 · answered by chicago4800314 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
OK this is touchy but my husband has a daughter and i have 3 sons here the deal for me I never get involved in the decipline and or drama with his daughter i step back and listen to him talk but i only give my opinion to him . Its is his choice to take it or not and he does the same with my son's. Tell your husband you will not be involved when it comes to him, the ex and the daughter exsept to support him or you giveHim your opinion and that way these things will not pull you 2 apart as for the ex try to never talk to her unless you absolutely half to. If you get involved you are risking your relationship. NO where you stand!
Good Luck! you can still be friends with the daughter but just don t get involved in her dramas and troubles she has a mom already!
2007-10-15 02:10:45 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy must really be something, because I wouldn't want to be in this mess. Just do as you have been, staying out. When this witch goes off on you tell your boyfriend to deal with her and walk away. If he doesn't get his daughter help things will never change. He doesn't need his ex to do that. If she fights him he can get the family courts involved. Good luck to you though, you need it...
2007-10-15 02:21:38 · answer #11 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋