could relationship work with 13yr age difference?

Question

this guy is 13 yrs younger than me,has been a friend for about 10 yrs. I recently went through a divorce after been married for 20 yrs. started to enjoy my life as a single person and really do prefer the life i have now.Out of the blue at weekend this friend told me he had feelings for me and had done for a few years.He would like to have a relationship with me and is not worried about the age gap.He is everything my ex husband wasn't loving, careing,kind the list is endless.I really do like this person.I would like to give it a go but deep down i'm worried that if it doesn't work out i could also loose a very good friend also in time could the age difference become a problem.He is every womens dream so why would he be interested in a 44 yr old friend he has never been short of girlfriends has been in a few long term relationships , he's the one what got hurt. He says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. would love to give it a go,bothered about the age gap

he is not after my life savings etc etc .just got divorced and i'm left with very little,if anything my friend has got more than me.THANKS for the replies they have really helped

Answer 1

As we become older the gap in our ages becomes less significant, our life experiences become on a par with each other, our relationships, our outlook on life, etc become much closer.
We leave behind many things younger people feel they are on a mission to do such as getting extremely drunk, sleeping with lots of people, etc, etc.

We more or less become the person we are going to be for life by the time we hit 25, very few people change after this time and you start to see the world in a different way, you appreciate things more such as the world we live in or the time we spend with family and friends.

The old saying of opposites attract can help in a relationship, having two people who are very similar can lead to an incredibly boring existance where you know each other so well there's nothing to talk about.

13 years around your teens and early 20's in a huge difference, in your 40's then it doesn't make that much difference.
If you feel this guy is right for you, and he obviously feels that you are then what have you got to lose by trying?
Are you going to walk away from what could be the perfect relationship because your worried it might fail?
You can feel that way about every relationship regardless of age, race, culture, location, beliefs, etc.

Give it a go, take your time, date for a long time, and take it slow, nobody says you have to marry the man just yet.

You never know, this guy could just turn out to be 'the one'.

Answer 2

First off, since you are both seasoned adults, no I don't think the age will be much of an issue. ( There may be minor things you have to work out) It's more about being in the same place in life.. not the same number. Second, let me warn you about those "he's everything I've ever wanted.. greatest guy on earth" kinda feelings. No matter how great this guy is.. those feelings will eventually fade. A long term relationship takes work and commitment. I HIGHLY suggest you (and he) read the book " The Five Love Languages". So you will know what to do in the future when the "new" wears off. Don't be worried about the age difference if he isn't. Have fun and enjoy the happiness!!

Answer 3

If he was in his early 20's then I think it would be different - he seems to be a very mature man and the age gap shouldn't be an issue. If he is a friend then you have to weigh up whether you want a relationship or just rrmain friends because once you cross that line it will never be the same again. However - I do believe that some of the best relationships are formed from people who were friends first.

Answer 4

If its what you want go for it --- I had a 7year relationship with a guy 13 years younger than me when I was 33 he was 20. The issue I had then was I had "been there done it" regarding kids etc and would he want a family of his own somewhere down the line - it was not an issue for him. ( we split up for different reasons) Looking back now though he WAS too young. I think its a bit different for you as your guy is in his 30's and a lot more mature probably than mines was. This guy seems to know what he wants. You say he is every womans dream? Then if you like him make him YOUR reality. Good luck x

Answer 5

Our next door neighbour separated after a 20 year marriage. She started seeing a 23yr old guy and the relationship lasted as boyfriend / girlfriend for 4 years until this summer - when they got married and are now husband and wife. All their friends and family have accepted them perfectly, including her two grown-up sons.

Everyone knows that teenage girls mature faster than boys, but it can often flip round. I found in my twenties that most women were very immature, always analysing and trying to define their relationships. Older women were much more self-assured and confident.

Don't worry about the age difference - it works.

Answer 6

I think it can work but it's important that you two are on the same emotional level.My husband is 10 yrs younger than me and it was great for awhile but lately its been rough,i however don't know that the age difference is the issue.I would still say go with it if you have feelings with him.I don't think age matters.Why miss out on something good just because of a number.Sometimes you have to follow your heart.It will tell you what to do.

Answer 7

My mother is married to a man 15 years younger, they got together when she was 44, and things were good the first couple of years. He didn't want kids, she has us( all grown, out of house). We all like him, he's lots of fun to be around. The problems started about 2 years ago. She was starting to have issue with her age, and this year turning 50 it hit her pretty hard. As confident and secure my mother has always been, she had things to consider. Him in his mid 30's, her having health problems, does he look at other women and think, hmmm? They are working through these things, but it has been tough for them. So, be sure you think about what it will be like when your 50-55, heck even 60. He'll be your age now, can you two handle health problems, issues with kids, grandkids. Are you secure enough to handle jealousies that may occur? Is he the type that would rethink his decision when your going through menopause and he's freaking out cause he's not going through similar male issues and doesn't completely understand?? Sorry to be blunt, but these are real life issues to think about.

Answer 8

If he was 40 and ur were 13 yrs older.. I would say ok..

He still has a lot of good years left ..... so think hard before u get hurt again.

it may not just be you he is looking at...... could be the house, car.. money.. or the security u have to offer.. .. could be he is hurt and not ready to go back out into the world yet.. he needs a safe haven.. there is all kinds of reason..
but u aren't going to get the truth out of him .. so don't ask him..

I would say.. as long as u can draw a boundary.. and not let him cross over.. in ur mind mentally or emotionally.. U will be safe..
but once u give up ur Independence.. and ur home and ur life.. u are setting ur self up to get hurt down the road.. and don't forget .. commom law.. he could become in titled to something u want to leave to ur kids..
think about this???

Answer 9

What are you waiting for. I have tons of friends who are either dating younger men or women, and there relationships are great. One of my collages I worked with was 40 and her husband is 28, they got married after a year and she's so happy. Age is just a number as long as you don't make it a issue. Guys love older women cause they want a mature person to spend their rest of their life with!

Don't be silly, let him give you what your husband never did!

Answer 10

I had a relationship with a woman 13 years older than me when I was 20, and it lasted 7 years. So it can work, up to a point - it ended when we both agreed that we weren't looking for the same things in the relationship, and it was partly the age difference (though it wasn't all just that).