Egyptian Ladies ... and the second Wife?

Question

Why don't you accept the idea of your husband taking a second wife. It's not wrong or 7aram but in some cases it is recommended to solve some social problems.
Women in Gulf area deal with the idea of the second wife as they deal with the new born babies in family.
I am not promoting anything but just curious :)

Hope:
Don't be sorry for a great answer.

kalooka:
I don't deny the right of women to feel jealous for their husbands and I am not encouraging men to take that step. It is just a solution to some severe cases.

Zoser:
Who said anything about the need of having sex with more than one woman.
If you are in Saudi Arabia and came across a widow who is threatened to loose her job and to be deported to her homeland, you will understand that she is desperate for a man to give her his name. Having sex is an extra.

Answer 1

Well, Salah though my opinion might seem a bit personal, i am sure i will find a lot of women agreeing with me.

"Love" between a man and a woman is selfish, in the sense that if you truely love yr wife or your husband u want this person all for yrself, his feelings, his emotions, his touch, everything........ Offcourse, it is impossible for u or any other male to accept or even imagine your beloved wife or fiancee, with another man, just ask yourself why? We are both human beings and we share a lot of the same emotions.

In the Gulf areas, most marragies were till very recently, arranged marragies, love was not a big factor in the equation, a girl knows that when she grows up she has to be part of another man's family, bear his childeren and get along with everybody in their hosuehold, so eventually her husband was not the first priopority but rather living and growing in this new enviorment is her only aim. We also have to consider that she grew up seeing everybody around her in the same situation, which gave her a feeling that this is "normal". Nowadays, girls get a say in their future husbands so the love factor is existent, and voila, the rules have changed, they do not accept this extended family format nor do they accept having a second wife sharing their husband.

As for Isalm, yes though it is not haram, it is impossible to carry out coz when Allah swt gave men the license to marry more than one wife but with a condition to be fair and just to all his wives, in the same suraa (SWT) said "wa len ta3delou" and ovbiously Allah knows us "human beings". In this day and age, marrying a second wife only increases the problems in life and though some women do accept it, it is still their Right, they Choose whether or not this solution suits their social problems and quite franckly nothing is worth feeling inferior or not wholseome enough in the eyes of your husband. This feeling just kills any female.

Sorry for such a long answer.

Answer 2

Of course I'd leave,I'm not sharing my man with anyone. I'd be out the door and he'd be so broke he would have to marry for money and wouldn't be able to father any more children ....if you get my meaning lol. Neither of us agree with polygamy in this day and age. But it most certainly had it purpose in the past and served to protect women from becoming beggars or worse. If a woman lost her husband or male protectors from her family in tribal battles or through injury she was left to raise her children and care for herself as best she could. Sometimes she was unable to return to her fathers house because of distance or a variety of other reasons and would have remained alone,unprotected and unsupported in what was most definitely a mans world. These days so long as he has the money an ex wife can sue for support and child maintenance although in Egypt it remains very hard to enforce this. The high rate of infant mortality was also a factor that made polygamy a viable and most times acceptable proposition in the past. As children were often needed not only to carry on the family name and heritage but for the fellahin especially it meant they had more hands to tend the animals and crops etc and because it was family, no wages were required to be paid..

Answer 3

First of all, the idea of being a second wife was never an acceptable thing to women at any time in history. It was rather easier to pull off than now, that's all.

second, if its such a bad thing, why does Islam permit it. I understand that there are prerequisites or conditions to take a second wife but that does not forbid men to marry a second wife. I know there is the end of the Koranic verse that says "wa lan ta3delu"but that does not meen don't do it.

quran said don't steel, rape, kill, and so on, but it never said DON'T marry more than one.

so, is it haram or halal?? definitely halal and should not be looked down on like this. It's so easy to pass judgment on others when you have the leasure of the majority behind you.

@ hasafer, if you have something to say, say it. no one's gonna hate you for it! even if someone does,, is that your problem?? this is not a popularity contest!

Having said all the above, I would never imagine myself marrying another lady. I would never imagine breaking my wife's heart that way. Not because its wrong but because its wrongly perceived in this day and age as a very bad and thoughtless act towards your wife and kids.

I would not do it out of love for my wife, not because its wrong.. HUGE difference

Answer 4

At least it creates jealousy. Jealousy is a strong negative feeling. In many cases the first wife can do nothing and submits to the situation. Marrying more than one wife is not left without conditions as we all know, the husband has to be just to all. This is a rule by Islam not to be used freely. It can solve problems in case of war, poverty, sickness and other social problems.

Answer 5

Haa haa , Salah between myself, my mother in law, my husbands sisters and his daughter, God give this poor man enough to handle in his life!

Simple i couldn't accept that my husband has sexual relations with some one other than me.

I have never, never seen happy children from the marriage to a second wife, the children always suffer! To me children are the reason for life, the next generation, its important that they are mentally healthy.

Recommended in certain cases, by whom for whom in what case.. its normally in countries and places where women are very oppressed. Its not the days when women were left alone for months while the man crossed the desert.. remember men used to take with them males and females on the caravans for such purposes because the wife was at home for months rearing children and it was not possible for her to go on a trip across the desert. Everything has a reason, a time a place and a context in Islam.

Allah Knows best

Answer 6

The Muslim sisters shouldn't forget that in Islam jelaousy is a sin and they will get bad credit from ALLAH(SWT) for being jealous of other people. ALLAH(SWT) knows what is best for men and women. I'm not Egyptian, I'm American but I am the second wife. I knew before hand that my husband was already married and I was jealous at first but am now used to it and accept it. There are more women then men in the world and Polygamy is a way for a man to take care of another woman and her orphans and provide for the woman who might otherwise never work and starve or end up homeless. Plus women live longer then men. You can't forget this fact as well. My husband knows I will literally kill him if he takes a 3rd wife and he wouldn't do that to me because he knows I would either kill him or divorce him so he isn't about to do anything against my wishes because he doesn't want to lose me. Dealing with one woman is enough but I would not stand to deal with 2 or 3 other women. I am perfectly happy being the second and last wife to my husband. I plan on being a surrogate Insha ALLAH for my husband's first wife so they can have biological children as she is infertile which is why he married me. But yes the man has to be able to provide for all his wives.

Answer 7

salah your question provocative
has to say i am a father has daughters married
so i would never say it is 7aram
but i would never say do it
i would emagine these days youngers (rabbna yustor)are to make "jam3eyyeh"in order to share in one that one cant affort the expensies of life
but in emirates you are not right saying that having this matter as regular,although there is a great problem there,lots of money,lots ofd travelling out of country and bringing forigners while local girls stayed unmarried
yes there is the "missyar"marriage in order to give a solution for girls unmarried
i do not think jelousy is the only factor for reducing the next marriage
as well,i do not think life expensies is one other cause
very very small portion of rich pple have a second wife,may be some run to a mystress (fact) but would rarely run to a second wife
meaning he would do sins but keeping a good social look for the family(as not to harm its members)
may be next wife would be
1 children ,when first wife cant bring them
2 wife making life difficult
3 being of poor level then getting rich

Answer 8

WOW.....!! "Hope" 's answer is amazing !! millions and millions of percents, i agree with you !!

i couldn't imagine that the man, whom we both chose each other, to share our life together..........would share "some" of his life, FEELINGS & Emotions with another lady !!

***you always want and need that he'll be with you all day and night, and share every single breathe, hug, emotion, care, safety and security with him.............this is besides that he's working, so already you miss his absence, and you come and say "Another WIFE" !!!!!!!!!!!!
YESSS & YESSS.......... this is a selfish thought, but with so pure Love and true emotions to contain your partner, and be yours only !!!

But still, if he wants to get married to this other woman, then i won't be that selfish, neither i would let him to cause more and more devastations to my soul and feelings..............i'll ask him to divorce me, without any reluctance!!! (but that of course after defending my Love with all my strenght to stop such tragedy from taking place..........although, he would be already have broken my heart :'-(

Answer 9

Actually,after reading the answers,the majority of the answers like that of Hope,AA,Nada and others are really wonderful ....

Personally,the very thought makes me in a very bad mood,even tears come to my eyes....
if something like that happens [God forbbids] i'd rather prefer dying ...... i'm serious

@Salah & Eman G & Hasafer :
you are not invited to my wedding party ya 7lween :p :p :p

Answer 10

God created man as a promisciuos creature whereas
woman can be attatched emotionally and physically to only one man.
before Islam, man married as many women as he wanted.
after Mohamed ( PBUH)married 9 women, God ordered him not to marry any other woman.
the sura allowing man to marry 4 women, set the regulations for having more than one wife, and said : wa lan ta3delu.
this is of vital importance .
the question here asks about the feeling of the 1st wife when/if her husband has a second wife.
in the Gulf countries , this isnt a problem , bec the culture allows it.
i egypt, we usually dont accept this.
and Mrs Sadat passed a law to regulate it.
Now, think of a husband whose wife is ill or cannot have children.he would ask her to choose between being a second wife or having a divorce.
also, consider a husband who falls in love with another woman .
if he doesnt marry her, he might commit sin with her or lead an unhappy deadening life with his wife.
if he decides to marry her, he can ask his wife about her choice to get a divorce or have a Dorra .
islam is fair . it wants us to avoid sin and to lead a clean life.
yes, the 1st wife will be jealous . if her jealousy is unbearable , she can ask for a divorce. most prefer to remain with their children to leaving and breaking the family.
if the husband is truly fair to both wives, he will be rewarded by God , esp if the second wife needed a man by her side as many of our Prophet's (PBUH) wives did.
in the Emirates , the administration advised well off men to have more than one wife to solve the problem of single women.