How strange is this?

Question

Husband and I were married only for a year.

A few months back, our marriage went through something EXTREMELY major.

An argument at home resulted in him slapping me. He was charged for assault by the police. They took him to court. If found guilty, he would have had a criminal record for the rest of his life.

But he was found not guilty – thanks to his lawyer. And the case was dismissed.

His family have advised him to file for a divorce. My family have advised me to do the same.

But we are still very close….and regularly see each other and spend all our time together.

Sometimes, when alone, I often think – what’s going on? Why does he still love me? And why do I feel the same?

Ps: We have been living apart since he was charged.

Since the incident, it has been 7 months since we've been living apart. However we've been making plans to move in together at some point next year....

Answer 1

This is a tricky one. Was it his first time to do that or is there an abusive pattern in his behaviour? If he's someone with temper issues than I think he will definately do it again and you better get out sooner rather than later. You didn't mention what pushed him to do that. Were you guys drinking? did you cheat on him? was there a major thing that happened that sent him to rage? how was his rxn? was he shocked at his behaviour? honestly its difficult to make excuses for this but if you really love each other and have a healthy, caring and respectful relationship then I think you can overcome this. I am sure this has been a big lesson for him. Try counselling but I say don't throw it all away if he's a good guy. Domestic violence is a serious issue & so many women don't have the courage to stand up for themselves like you did. You are strong & what you did was right. I can't help but think that he may be a good guy who messed up. You know best. Good luck.

Answer 2

Well your families can not tell you what to do or how to feel... but they probably are looking out for your best intrest, I would tell my daughter or sister the same.

Marriage is HARD! There have been times that I KNOW my hubby wanted to lay his hands on me, but he never has. He has told me! I am not saying that him slapping you was right by ANY means, it is never right! I am saying that there are so many hard times that you guys havent even came to yet... will it happen again? Who knows! But I do know statistically that a woman will go back into an abusive relationship EIGHT times before she leaves for good because he says "It will be different this time...", "I will never hit you again.", etc.

But in my own (most the time good, but sometimes bad) judgement, I would say that if you TRUELY feel that this was a one time singled out incident because it COULD be (not gauranteeing it though) do what your heart is telling you. But if this man has a temper problem, and this is not a one incident type of thing, do NOT go back to him! There have been times I think my husband would have been totally justified in knocking the ever living crap out of me... and also... think back to when this happened... what was the arguement about? How heated was it? Was it a knock down drag out, waking up the neighbors, type of fight or was it a just disagreement? If you say just a simple disagreement, then that shows this guy doesnt have a cap on his temper and it would be a dangerous mistake to try to work it out. BUT if you were up in his face and called him a worthless SOB or something, something you KNOW stuck a huge nerve, I could see how it could be a one time thing. My parents have been married for 35 years and my dad did the same thing to my mom ONCE when they were first married. There was never a repeat indicident and I know my dad still feels horrible for it, but what can you do to change the past... this is a decision only you can make and I pray you make the right one! Good luck!

Answer 3

This is what happens when other people become involved in our lives...

Your family telling you what you should do...
And his doing the same...

I suppose what it comes down to is whether you have a relationship worth fighting for and whether you have the energy to ignore the advice of your family.

Do you have children together? If you do then this is far more complicated, because you can't get back toether and then break up again without impacting on the well-being of your children.

If on the other hand it is just you and him...then why not try going slowly. Try dating, spending time together, without living together.

In the end only you will know what you want and need.
Good luck,
mum2MH

Answer 4

Well, if you are willing to forgive each other for what happened, and try again, I say go for it. If you think he will do it again, though, i.e. you cannot trust him, then maybe you should seek a divorce. But it's early days yet, and you both seem to still love each other, so why not try to iron out the kinks? Find out what led to that outburst, and try to recognise the signs next time, so it doesn't go that far.

Answer 5

Baba Ramdev and Anna Hazare have caught the mind's eye of the country. If any untoward might take place to them (could be a real accident), public might accuse the government. So it relatively isn't any longer unusual.

Answer 6

Kiddo, I can absolutely tell you that unless he get counseling for abuse, IT WILL happen again, no doubt about it.

Maybe not for sometime, but it will happen again.

I have seen this time and time again and they only ones that I have ever seen make it were the ones that went into counseling and stuck with it.

Good luck

Answer 7

Its upto you honey if you want to live with him.All matters end here. YOu should think about yours life e1 future and kids too. Its all depend on you.If you wanna change his life and he's ready to doing anythng fair business. Than its ok.

Answer 8

If he did it once hell do it again.. Move on.. ...Keep him as a booty call if you must but dont go back to him. He is about control A Man thathits his wife isnt a man

Answer 9

seem.s like you saw a crooked judge and let him know a real man dont hit women my opion? ref< male here...?

Answer 10

if he slapped u once he will do that again. u re not the first neither the last