The way I grew up I learned to always prove points or point out when someone does something wrong so they can correct their mistakes. It's some sort of defense/survival mechanism that has been permanantly installed as a way of my life. . . I've been with my g/f goin on 2 years now and love her sooo much. But about 25 percent of the time spent together I end up starting a fight or "heated arguement" or "discussion" as we like to say. As with most men. . . I'm pretty much ignorant when I do things like this. (because it's how I am) but I don't want it to get to the point that it will negatively affect our relationship . . . Ladies . . . any suggestions???
2007-10-14 19:17:45 · 9 answers · asked by Iceman 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think that it takes two to make it go right or wrong and I think that you have taken great steps towards making it go right by asking this question. You are aware of what your part of what my be a problem mounting and so you can change to make it not be there. Talking about it with her when you are not already in a heated battle and explaining to her that you know it is a problem that you need to work on but you are willing to work on not having to always prove points, etc... 25% is better than it could be but it sounds like you are going to make it a lot less.
2007-10-14 19:33:33 · answer #1 · answered by scsspace 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well the fact is, if you keep doing this, it will drive a wedge between you. Maybe not right now, maybe not even in a year,but eventually it will. You have to let the gaurd down! You can't point out every single mistake that someeone makes. That is the fastest thing to drive a person away. Just because you grew up learning a certain way doesnt mean that you have to keep it that way. Its not easy for a person to change, but it is possible. SO if you REALLY want to stop doing this, then why not stop? People make mistakes, even you. Put yourself in your g/f's shoes and think about how you would feel if she picked you apart everytime you made a mistake. Also women have a way of reading WAY too much into everything, trust me I know. I used to blame my hubby for fights that I actually started and only here recently did I realize that I was the one starting it. You really have to have an empathetic view from your g/f's shoes... good luck! Its not impossible to change, just VERY hard.
2007-10-15 02:28:36 · answer #2 · answered by Mommy to 1+triplets 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are gonna prove your way into permanent bachelorhood. You need some therapy and relationship counsel by a professional or a big bottle of hand lotion. Take your pick. The fact is, you are affecting your relationship and one day she will tire of it and find someone who doesn't feel the need to be right. Or to correct someone, Good God, she had a daddy and your not it.
2007-10-15 02:58:17 · answer #3 · answered by James Watkin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try a different approach...i.e. "Wow, I have a completely different opinion than you" or when correcting someone try..."Gee, it's too bad that (whatever) didn't happen. I wonder if (your idea here) would have made a difference". You can still verbalize your thoughts, try not to direct it at her. Make it more about you or the situation at hand. It's all in the way you phrase it. Try to always start your sentences with "I.." instead of "you..." I think you will be surprised at how much more positive she will respond.
2007-10-15 02:39:13 · answer #4 · answered by Dynamic H 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You haven't mentioned her reaction to your "heated arguments". You sound sort of like me, I am always up for a debate. Just don't push it too far. Sometimes you need to know when to "agree to disagree" on something. Having your opinion is one thing. Telling someone they are wrong to think differently or shoving your opinion down their throat will not win you any points. So, discuss away, but do it tactfully!
2007-10-15 02:24:48 · answer #5 · answered by Linni 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Get some counseling so you can figure out why you act this way, and don't pop the question until you can reduce the amount of fighting in your relationship. And, oh yeah, it's great to pop the question without a ring, that way she can pick one out with you.
2007-10-15 03:17:43 · answer #6 · answered by Katherine W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like my husband whom im divorsing now!!
if its in you and not doing anything about it will end up distroying all of your relationships, like you say you are aware of it and already have fears of loosing your girlfriend.......... she might have tried talking to you or showing that it iritates her, you wont be aware but it makes her feels stupid always and she`ll end up rejecting you emotionally if u dnt put your acts together.
Its not wrong to show someone if she/he is wrong, or if u disagree with her reasoning.it depends how you are doing it, make sure your words are not distroying and disagree with love, your actions, facial appearance and words counts a lot..... GOOD LUCK!!
2007-10-15 02:36:44 · answer #7 · answered by Tumlala 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you enjoy proving her wrong? does tearing her down make you feel good? I suggest you stop the crap or you will lose her,nobody wants to be around someone that tries to make you feel stupid.
2007-10-19 01:44:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't leave too may details- this doesn't necessarily mean that you're wrong- she may be a jerk, and you're calling her on it- or..... you need to learn to choose your battles....
one of the two- good luck:)
2007-10-15 02:23:56 · answer #9 · answered by **leigh** 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋