I'm a 40 year old lesbian & I've been in a relationship for 4 yrs. I'm happy & thought she (42 yrs old) was too. We've lived together for 3 yrs. We get along so well, don't argue, we show affection & have similar interests. Our differences are really minimal. 3 months ago she told me she needs to live alone for awhile, said she's been depressed and needs time to work on herself. Devastating in itself, I also had to figure out where to live for awhile. I'm trying to be supportive by learning more about depression (she had suffered past depression before I met her) and by doing things on her terms. I have been paying 1/2 the rent while she figures things out & I have given her space, we are only seeing each other 3x's mo. but talk on the phone daily. I miss her a lot. She recently told me that she loves me but that she's not "in love" with me & that she needs time to figure out what's wrong with her. Yet she said we will be together again. I'm confussed. Anyone have a similar experience?
2007-10-14 18:30:13 · 5 answers · asked by Wakeup 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Hopefully she really just needs to figure herself out for a little bit. If you love her then wait for a while...set a time limit for yourself and if she has not made up her mind by the time that day comes then you need to move on. Everything happens for a reason.
2007-10-14 18:48:37 · answer #1 · answered by Me!! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While I'm not a lesbian, I do know a little about decoding woman speak. While her depression may be one cause of her change in behavior, when a woman says that shes not "in love" with you and that she needs her space, she is basically trying to say it is over. Even though she is promising that you will get back together, she's basically just saying that so that this situation can stay amicable and that she can keep you on retainer if she needs you. Your best bet is to start the process of moving on. I'm sorry things aren't working out for you, but the fact is you deserve someone that does feel as strongly about you as you do about her, and someone that won't keep you hanging while she "works on herself".
2007-10-15 01:42:32 · answer #2 · answered by missbeans 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
yeah right here......but in my case it is I who wants or thinks I need some space.....I have told her those exact same words...."I love you but I'm not in love with you"....and I wish I were.......I like being with her.....having her around ....but some times it seem like its to much.......I have even told her that she can do a lot better then me....that she should be with someone who will love her in return.......but she hangs on and tells me that I'm worth it......she knew from the very beginning I have relationship issues.....I some times think its because of are age difference......I just turned 22 about 2 months ago and she is going to turn 31 in December.....I used to go clubbing a lot and hang with friends....but since we have been together I hardly do that......also I'm not used to having a live in partner in my house.....I know I should be grateful that I have someone in my life who loves me...especially now with the recent death of one of my brothers...... but there have been times where I just try to avoid going home....answering my cell......waking her up .....I have even made excuses why I cant go with her when she goes over a friends house to visit.....but thats mostly due to them making remarks like ...."if your not old enough to drink we have coke and juice"...I usualy get those sort of remarks when we are with her friends..... I hate the fact that for some reason I cant be with her the way she is with me and its not fare for her....but we are trying to work it out
2007-10-15 02:41:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is lucky to have someone who cares about her like you do, but she is taking advantage. While she is living her seperate life start to live yours and you never know something may happen you never expected. Be her friend if you care about her, but do not invest anymore emotions into her if she is not going to give them back wholeheartedly.
2007-10-15 02:17:10 · answer #4 · answered by Sage 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
while I have not been in your situation I think it's selfish of her to expect you to wait for her to make up her mind as whether or not she wants to be with you. At some point you have to give her an ultimatum. 3 months is long time in my opinion.
2007-10-15 01:39:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋