I have an affair & I confessed it to my wife. (we argued)I want to start all over again.?

Question

I promised her that i will leave the girl but she is worried & doubtful.I felt she doesn't believe me. I'm sincere & true.pls help and advise.

I want to start all over again. what's the best way for me to do.any idea?

Answer 1

First & foremost, break it off with the girl, since it sounds like you are making promises to do something you should have done before you had the idea of confessing to your wife. The confession means nothing if you are still in contact with this girl in any way.

Second, get some marraige counseling. You will need this. Just because you are promising to be faithful doesn't mean that your wife will (or has to) trust you. You already broke her your wedding vows by cheating, so how can she trust you now? You need to back your words up with actions, like showing her that you mean what you say.

Third, you now have to win your wife back. By admitting your infidelity you have made yourself a stranger to your wife. Right now she's wondering who you are that you felt like you had a part of yourself that you had to share with someone else. You need to woo your wife back. Take her out on dates, send her a romantic love note, send her flowers, ect. Don't overdo it though, as that may make her even more distrustful.

Fourth is something that you will have to do all by yourself, for yourself. You need to watch yourself to make sure that whatever it was that made you cheat will not happen again. Why did you cheat? Were you bored in your relationship? Did you need something to make you feel young again? Are you & your wife not communicating or having a good sexual relationship? You need to figure these out or you will more than likely start wandering again.

In the end it's up to your wife whether or not she wants to start the marraige over again. Since you were willing to confess it to your wife, I'm hoping that she will. If she does, then you better not lose her, as that would be some woman you have.

Answer 2

So you will leave the girl IF she says you can stay? Bulls**t. If you really cared at all you would have finished with the girl regardless of what she says. Because at the moment it seems like you'll only give up one when you get the guarantee from the other. And how are you going to prove to your wife, that after cheating on her, lying to her, and having sex with someone else that you're now an upstanding man worthy of her trust? And how is she supposed to accept that it will truly finish if she lets you into her life again?
Too many promise it will be over and continue it anyway.

Answer 3

Just because you confessed this doesn't mean she should forgive and forget so quickly ( maybe someday) because you've most likey REALLY hurt her. You need to give her time. Not to be rude but if you really cared about her, you wouldn't have cheated on her. Maybe you two I better off not together. To put it bluntly once someone cheats in a relationship it'll sooner or later crumble even if you work very hard because how is she supoused to ever trust you again.

Answer 4

If your so sincere why did you cheat on your wife in the 1st place? ANYWAYS it's good that both of you are starting over again, not many people do, you know? They end up getting a divorce. She does believe you, it's just that she's scared that might do the same thing over again, or that she didn't satisfy you enough. BUT GOOD LUCK ON YOUR MARRIAGE!

Answer 5

If you are really true and sincere then y did you have an affair at the first place..Find yourseld lucky that she didnt divorced you. Anyways to regain her trust you will have to have patience and do all those things that you used to do when you were in love with her...recall all those romantic gestures that used to move her towards you. And please never ever betray her trust again..infact never betray anyone's trust. All the best!!And learn from your mistakes

Answer 6

You blew it buddy. You broke her trust and you are the one that has to prove it, not her.

Don't you dare put this on her. You couldn't keep it zipped, so you are the one that has some serious crawling to do. Adultery is or should be a deal breaker. You knew what you were doing, so why should you make your wife feel guilty for not believing you?

Creep.

Answer 7

Because you've confessed and (hopefully) said you were sorry.....doesn't make things right again.

You need to do a lot of work, preferably with a marriage counselor to get your marriage healthy again.

Your wife's mistrust is very normal and understandable.

Answer 8

After what you did please dont get this thought that if you dump the girl your wife is going to feel better automatically and trust you. you broke all her trust and violated your marriage. She may not be able to forgive you, in which case, she'll probably end the marriage. I suggest some counselling with a marriage councellor.

Answer 9

I wouldn't take back a spouse after he phucked around. Too much of a chance of his having contracted a sexually transmitted disease, HIV (Aids) or Human Pappilloma Virus. Your wife is smart...She should kick you to the curb.

Answer 10

The only way you can is if SHE wants to and that RARELY works. You need to be forthrigh and transparent here if you want any chance of egtting through this.