I am in dire need of advice!?

Question

My husband & I got married May 17, 2006, found out I was pregnant in June & we separated in July due to major marital issues. I still have yet to divorce him do to lack of funds & still see my in-laws every Sunday; however, he sees our son MAYBE once every 2 months and hasn't helped me financial since I was 3 months pregnant. Our son has health issues that I am dealing with by myself with no support from him. He's been in & out of the hospital since he was born & his father didn't even bother to ask why he was there or if he was ok! I am looking to divorce my husband in the very near future which brings me to my inquiry for advice, because he isn't helping me with my son at all, rarely sees him & there are major issues which makes it so that I don't want him to take our son by himself I need some advice on what I should do. should I file for child support with the divorce knowing he can't afford it or should I ask him to sign over his parental rights because he doesn't see him anyway!?

He claims he has a job but works under the table so that he doesn't have to pay taxes

I didn't file for a divorce and child support right after we separated because I thought we'd be able to work things out

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One of the major reasons that I don't want him to take our son by himself is because while we were together he was doing drugs and told me he'd never quit for anything or anyone...when we separated he started selling them...now he claims he quit doing both however due to past comments it makes it hard to believe and I definatly don't need or want my son around that!

My son started having seizures at a week old and he's been through so much with them trying to figure out why he's having them...spinal taps, tons of blood tests, MRIs, EEGs, cathader, yet they still can't find why or figure out what medication and how much of it is going to stop them completely so he constantly has mini episodes. He's also has GERD, low CO2 levels and had a UTI. he's on 4 different medications that I have to pay for myself.

My in-laws love me and are extremely ticked at my husband for what he's done to us...My mother-in-law tells me all the time that I need to divorce him and sue him for everything he's got however, all he has is a piece of crap car and a dog that I don't want!

Answer 1

Im kind of in a similar situation but can help you ...you have a lot on your plate and I applaud you for your courage through all this.I have two children of my own and will say no one comes close to a great mom such as us but sometimes it takes a man time to mature and realize what hes missing out on.I feel you should proceed with the divorce and definitely the child support enforcement (he has to figure some way to support his child because its breaking the law if he doesnt) however do not strip him of his parental rights.Maybe limit his abilities to protect you and your child but leave the chance available for future acceptance and I have faith everything will work out...and your showing understanding and forgiveness is a gift your child will be proud to have learned from his mama!

Answer 2

I live in the state of Ohio and it is mandatory for the noncustodial parent to pay child support, unless the two of you have made other arrangements, and sometimes the court will even overrule them. Yes, your husband has to pay support. In Ohio, he would also be paying the back child support he now owes you. Most states have modeled their child support laws after Ohio's, which is why I mention it. You say that you visit your in-laws every Sunday. What do they say about their son's behavior? They may be closer allies than you realize. Please don't keep them from seeing their beloved grandchild, as so many young people do today, in an effort to spite their ex. Some things are just worth more than money. This applies whether you have money or not. It's just a fact of life. And your soon-to-be-ex will soon discover that it's time to pay the piper. The court will allow him a short time to find gainful employment and you will receive payment from his check. However it goes, I hope it goes well for you and I know Grandpa will be a great paternal figure in your child's life.

Answer 3

I had the issue when My daughter was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma. I was already divorces and he lived i the same apartment complex as I do. I just made sure to advise him when she was diagnosed and when she was in the hospital. I could not make him go to see her but he did not make any effort to contact her during the entire treatment which lasted 9 months. She was 15/16 during this time. He excuse was he hates hospitals. but we had it written in the divorce decree that He paid 1/2 of the medical expenses. Definitly take him to court for child support. He may not have the $ now but he will have it later. They will deduct from his pay check. or his Income tax refund-he helped make the baby he be made to be responsible for care Just be sure to let him know what is going on and he can do the rest. You will not come out of that of the bad mother...Document when you doe all this as well and do not tell him what to do. Be civil when you do this and dont let anything else come in to the conversation. If he tries to change the subject aske him to call later you are busy with his son at the moment and hang up. Leave a short message if you must speak to a recording. Keep it Professial.

Answer 4

You should've filed for child support and healthcare the day you left, whether dad can "afford" it or not. He needs to step up and help this child get what he needs. Visitation and child support have nothing to do with each other. File. It is free.

Call your local department of social services and find out what kind of resources are out there for you and your son. You need a hand.

Keep a notebook, noting last time hubby saw the baby, and every time. Document everything he does.

Call a lawyer. You may be eligible for free legal help. You need better knowledge of the law, of your rights and of the rights of your child.

Get witnesses that will testify to hubby's unsuitability to have the child alone for visitation. Ask for supervised visitaton only if hubby even asks for it at all. He may not.

I am sorry to hear your son has such challenges. It must be very hard on you. Get some help with it all.


Good luck with all of it. I wish your son the best in life.

Answer 5

I have been in your situation. First, did u know that u can go to the courthouse and request divorce papers, fill them out yourself ( as long as there isn't any property or anything like that between you guys) and file them with the court. Of coarse there are filing fees but it is way cheaper than the attorney fees. In NC it cost me $70.00. Yes you have a child together but those issues go thru the child court. Now when it comes to your son...if you need his help financially, then yes, sue him for support but if not then ask your ex or tell him that if he sign over his parental rights then u wont sue for child support, but if he doesnt then you will sue wether he can afford it or not. Good luck and I hope your son gets better. My prayers are with u.

Answer 6

Let the courts make the determination of what he can or can't afford. File for child support and either a divorce or legal separation. You might be able to qualify for "legal aid" because of lack of income. In which case they will help you with filing the papers.

Answer 7

You should absolutely seek child support from him, It is not your concern that he may not have enough money to afford support, but guess what he made the child and he has to pay for the child. I'm a single mother also and as single mothers we make it happen, no matter what, even when we don't have our children never go without, we make it happen, Let him make it happen. File for child support as soon as possible and let the courts decide what he can afford to pay. Even if he as 10.00 your entitled to 2.50 of that for your child. 25% of his income so whatever it is your child deserves it and he should get it. Good Luck!

Answer 8

Get your divorce, and apply for full custody. If he's not interested in visiting with him, I doubt that he will put up much of a fight. Then make sure the courts issue a child support arrangement, where its taken straight from his wages.
You need to look after yourself and your son's interests, and that means making sure you get your fair share, and your son gets the financial support he deserves.

Answer 9

IF your son signs away all parental rights you will never be able to file for child support because he won't have to pay it then. You'd better think very long and hard about what it is you want and what is best for your child.

Answer 10

Its not that easy, at least in Oklahoma. Judges here will wait on divorce proceedings until the new baby comes. And then child support will be a mandatory thing unless you can prove him unfit. Sadly unfit doesnt fall into how often he visits. At least here. To be honest, if it was me I would say screw him and go for what you can get. If he doesnt visit much why not ? He certainly isnt looking out for your feelings, or your childs. Dont be sympathetic to the jerk.....