Is it fair for me to stay with my hubby if I cannot stand his son?

Question

Afraid to give details for various reasons

Answer 1

Well I fail to see why you'd be afraid to share more detail's if you were game enough to share the fact you can not stand his son?

I can only speak as a step mother who's step son did everything he could to destroy our family it got so bad I had to send my son to live with his father against my better judgement I am just greatful that this was before his current marijuana using child abusing g/f moved in.

My husband's ex-wife filled his son's head with hate and lies and everything he did was out of anger she'd caused.He's 13 now and is back living with us and after all the abuse his outbursts , lying , stealing and running away caused from my husband towards my own children , he now know's we were the victim's and he was the power pawn.

He's a happy , well rounded 13 year old now , and he wants nothing to do with his manipulating mother who is in fact and has admitted she is still in love 9 years later with his dad and wants him back.

Answer 2

you are in the relationship with your husband NOT his child. you're only there to be a friend and get along with the child. you are an adult so you should know how to handle that situation. dont try to be the child's mother if he is not interested in you that way..you dont even have to try to be the childs friend. just show some respect and just play your part being the wife to your husband. why cant you stand his son? you have to give more detail so we can give a better answer. well, like i said just give respect to the son and try to be a friend to him. maybe you should ask your husband what you can do so there is not tension between the two of you..maybe he doesnt know you and maybe he doestn like the fact his mother isnt in the picture..is he a younger child? maybe he doesnt yet understand many things..maybe you should just let him know that you are just trying to be a friend to him you are not trying to be his mom or replace his mom his mom will always be his mom...maybe the three of you need to hang out and spend quality time together and try to look at eachother in a different way..hope i helped good luck!

Answer 3

I am guessing that your husbands teenaged sone just moved in with you because the Ex couldn't 'handle' his rebelliousness any longer. Unfortunately, this is what my sister is going through right now. When she and her husband divorced the boy (then only 2 years old) stayed with the Dad because the first born Grandson and they would not have given up without a very expensive court battle. Now he is 14 and has been so spoiled and is a holy terror that his Dad can't handle. So, he asked my younger sister to take him in. Against her better judgement she did. She is finding him to be very confused, hurt and betrayed more than anything else. So at times he can be rather sharp and ignorant with her. He knows that there is no other alternative but for him to stay with her and he feels like she is obligated to take him. She says that she never wanted him to leave in the first place and despite all the fighting and differences of opinions she finally has her son back and she is determined to make that relationship work. He is slowly coming around, she has him in counselling and going to church with them every Sunday. She has him involved in youth activities and he has chores and responsibilities that are expected of him at home. Her new husband has made it quite clear that insolence and belligerence toward her will not be tolerated and he doesn't want to know what the laternatives are. Because he has seen my sisters husband upset and how effectively he deals with these little incidences (non-violent) he doesn't want to incur his wrath and he smartens up right quick. Just remember, even though you are a step-parent, you have right to discipline this child in YOUR home. Take away his computer privileges, his phone privileges. Give him chores so that he feels like a vital part of the family. Do the dishes with him, you would be amazed at how quickly the two of you will bond because he sees that you work well together. The first couple of times expect one word answers, but find ways to illicit a response from him. Don't preach, just talk to him like you would a brother or a male co-worker. Respect him, he will respect you back. Get your husband to back you up. Having married you, he basically said that he is now your covering, your protction. Long after this child leaves to go to College, you will be with each other. It is up to you both to come up with a plan to head this off at the pass so that those years will not be filled with anger and bitterness.

Answer 4

I think you need to understand that when you marry someone who has a pre-existing family you dont only marry the person, you inherit his family and therefore his past. I dont think you really have a choice but to accept his son because in the end, if you asked him to choose, not only would you be horrible and selfish, but if he's a good father, he'd choose his own son. You need to understand that its probably not easy for his son to accept you. He already has a mother and probably isnt looking for you to come step in and take on that role (not saying you're asking to be his mother) but he may feel like you're coming in and breaking up the family, taking his dads time etc. Things like this need to be taken very gently and realize that its not just a big adjustment for you, but HUGE for the child. If things dont start getting better maybe try some councelling and ask your husband to also talk to his son and help ease the process. his son needs to know that it doesnt change the relationship between him and his father/him and his mother. she will always be his mom, and you arent trying to step in and take that role, his dad just wants you in his life.

Answer 5

You have given no details, so I will give you a general answer based on zero-information:

If you couldn't stand my son and you were unwilling to work out the problem?

You would be gone and forgotten - my son is part of who I am.

But then my son is very well behaved and very loving, so only a malicious cretin could find a problem with my son.

Answer 6

I am not sure I am getting the proper read on this, but if you are trying to break up with your husband due to your inability to get along with his son... sounds like there are more problems with your marriage than just your relationship with his son. First of all, as a life partner you should be supporting your husband. If he has a son from another marriage, your role is not to be his sons mother, it is to support your husband with his responsibilities, it is like any other job, except this is one that should be more important to him. If you can't or aren't willing to see your husbands responsibilities as important, than you aren't being a good partner. Sounds like you are having some issues with how your role is defined in all of this. You should talk to your husband and try and find a way in which your role is better fit for you. You don't have to like him but you have to respect your husbands responsibilities. and of course if you can not do that than yeah you should leave, but don't think that its because of his son, it would be because you aren't in it. sounds like your mind is wondering into the neighbors yard. you should worry about your own yard , it may be a fixer upper, but you knew that going in, and you would have to start all over again, and I am guessing your not 18, and the list of men with no baggage gets smaller as you get older. You must have seen something in your husband in order to marry him. just figure out how to make things work and stop trying to make excuses. that is my advice. good luck.

Answer 7

When you married him, you married his situation as well. Try to be with your husband and let him handle his son without you. You don't need to hang out with his son all the time, but it's totally uncool for you to let the son break up your marriage. You don't mention whether your relationship is okay with your husband. Don't try to pin the problems on this son. It's not nice.

Answer 8

Well part of being with someone is excepting children from a recent relationship...Your not liking him is based on circumstances you fail to mention about...I feel if you can not be fair to all of him including his children from a prior relationship than call it quits..In the end he will...You must have got into with him knowing the children were in his life...Maybe you are to negative toward them to open your heart to them..Being they are not your children...Again not enough information to truly help you out....

Answer 9

It depends on the sons age really.... if he is really young he may grow out of being a pain to you.... if he is 8-12 then you have a problem... if he is old enough that he will soon be of age then I say maybe you can ride it out...I can relate to this... my ex's older son annoyed the hell out of me... i adored her youngest one though

Answer 10

Not knowing any details......

You find a way to "stand" his son.....you knew he had a son (hopefully) before you got married.

If you're having problems.....get some counseling.