How do you know when it is time for a divorce??

Question

Everyone argues, so how do you know when to much is enough??

Answer 1

When you start asking yourself, How long do I want to go on like this? Or is this the pattern of love I want my kids to learn?

Answer 2

Well, it sounds like you are both too stubborn to apologize and treat the other one with respect, so maybe it is time. Or maybe you could just grow up and stop fighting. You know, there are people out there that are married and don't fight. Ya, what a concept. I know what I am talking about...I am on the outside now looking in...I got divorced after 15 years. My ex was a creep who loved to pick fights, who was into some pretty nasty addictions that changed who he was and as a result we fought alot. I realize that it wasn't healthy, but it was all I knew. Now, after 2 years of being on my own and doing some MAJOR growing up, I cringe and shutter when I hear couples fighting.

Do you actually think life is better as a divorcee? WRONGO!! It sucks. Everyone looks at you like you can't even keep it together, a failure and somehow damaged goods.

SO a piece of advice from a divorced woman...GROW UP!!
You don't have to keep the fight going. When he starts yelling at you, get up and leave the house. Go for a walk, get in the car and go get a Coke, but don't keep it going. He will learn real quick that you will not put up with that kind of abuse. OR not, but just keep leaving, even if it is every 10 minutes. And don't talk to him until he is calmed down.

My mom told me once that couples can't fight while holding hands....so tell him that when you have something to discuss you both will hold hands and the agreement is to not let go till the discussion is over. Didn't work with my ex...he is a narcissist, but normally it does.

Also taking a class on communication isn't a bad idea. There are lots of marriage retreats offered through various church organizations and community centers as well.

Answer 3

Only when all other avenues have been exhausted. Counseling and communicating your feelings to one another (in a constructive, non-argumentative way) should be at the forefront of how to get back on track.
Remember that it takes two to argue. Try talking to him about a better way to resolve conflict. He may not like arguing any more than you do. Learning how to communicate effectively can open up new doors in your relationship.

Answer 4

The deal breakers include: abuse, addiction

The rest of it isn't as easy. If you have tried all possible avenues of finding solutions and have failed, it is a done deal.

If you are cheating, it is over.

People can learn new ways to solve problems, to communicate, to get along, but if only one of you makes the marriage a priority then there isn't much of one and all the counseling in the world won't help.

For me, the marriage died when the hope for happiness died. I looked at my life, knew I had truly given it all I had to give and that there was nothing more left. I loved him, but there was no chance he would ever allow us to be happy. A marriage takes two to succeed. When one of the spouses cares more about themselves than their spouse, it will never work. Then it is time to move on. Children are better off from a broken home than living in one. If your children will suffer for you staying, then go. If there are no children, then it is as above. That is pretty much the bottom line. One day you wake up and know you can't do it one more day. Even if you could, you realize it is futile to bother. Then it is time to go.

Answer 5

When both of you are NOT willing to CHANGE to save your marriage. Don't take the easy way out. Work on your marriage problems and go from there. Start taking your vows seriously and do what it takes to change yourself, that goes with your attitude. Don't give up on your marriage because of petty things.

I would consider reading "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands."

Answer 6

Arguments should never result in a divorce.
Its the last resort when you have big problems that cannot be dealt with after all efforts have been made.

Answer 7

When you've talked, talked, talked, and talked.

Then you get some marriage counseling and put in the time and effort to make the marriage work.

When you've done those things.....and you marriage is still a mess.....it maybe time to leave.

Answer 8

You work it out. You made a promise. Only when one is being abused should you get a divorce.

Answer 9

When everything seems to have no enthusiasm left, such as wanting to be with one another, sex drive, cooking a nice meal or even doing the house work and keeping the place looking nice, as everything will seem a big effort.

Answer 10

the four things that are sure indicators to look for in serial abusers are control,domination, humiliation, manipulation. if any of these are present in your situation then it's time to file hope this helps.