I'm 20 yrs old single mom, and have a bf 10 yrs older than me and he has 2 kids, should i leave him or not?

Question

he's my bf for months and he's still hiding me from his family i don't know why im also hiding him from my family because we're not yet ready and everytime i ask him about his wife he said his seperated i know its true beacause almost everyday we're together before, his now residing in canada with his kids and im in the phil. i love him so much. i really don't know what to do. im so confused.

Answer 1

sure

Answer 2

you need to slow this down and treat him as just a friend and if you get a chance to go out with someone else in the meantime, do it. there are a lot of possible things here. First, why is he in Canada? If he took the kids from his wife and went to Canada, he may be arrested for kidnapping if and when he returns.
although he said he is separated, remember Scott Peterson said that he "lost his wife" when in fact he had killed and dismembered her, so as long as he is married don't put a lot of faith in what he says because depending upon when you and he started going out, he was still married then.
At 20 years old, I am not sure you have learned yet how good people can be, or how bad, and you met one of those who may not be that good. concentrate on being the best mother you can be, and in time you will meet someone who is proud to introduce you to his family and not afraid or ashamed to do that. This guy may even be afraid of what his family would tell you about him, so all in all you may be far better off by moving on and you certainly could not be worse off.

Answer 3

The answers are within you - sit quitely and ask yourself the same question and the answer will be revealed. Not all relationships where there is a large age gap are shoddy -
I was your age when i met my husband, he is eight years older than me - with two kids and was separated from his wife - we did the long distance relationship and when we were ready to fully commit i moved towns to be with him and now eight years later, we have been married for two years and have a three year old daughter and cherish each day with each other.
Hiding your relationship from others means there is something you are not comfortable about the relationship - and only you have the answer of what you want to do about it. If you are second guessing yourself - you need to look inside yourself to find out why. He may genuinely be in Canada with his kids away from his previous wife --- then again he may not.
The truth will be revealed.

Answer 4

Ask him what his address is in Canada. Tell him you want a phone number and tell him you are planning to come visit him in Canada and since you guys love each other that you are going to stay with him.
If he makes ONE excuse why he cannot do these things.... DUMP HIM FAST.
This will tell you a few things.
If he is married... he will NOT give you the address.
If he is married he will say....... no this is a bad time right now, you really dont want to come here cause I am sooo caught up in work... blah blah blah. It means he is MARRIED.
Either way.... if he won't give you the address ... you cannot trust him and it should be over. Right then. Just hang up the phone, don't explain to him, just let it be over.
He may have been in Philly with you for some unknown reason and found that he had a lot of time away from his wife for some reason.
They may now be back together and he is ready to move on ... away from you.

Answer 5

While following your heart would be nice to do, it can get you into trouble. If you're willing to face the heartache it may bring, then go for it and stick it out; however, you posted this question for a reason. Your head is telling you that sticking with him is a bad idea. Its never good to get into a relationship with a married man. Separation means nothing. He is still legally married and should be attending to his marriage whether that is by ending it before he moves on or saving it. In addition, it's never a good sign when a man doesn't take you around friends and family. While you should assume good intent and believe that he is doing it for a good reason, I would question that reason. If he truly loves and cares for you, he should trust that you are good enough to meet his family. Ultimately you have to trust yourself and never compromise. You know how you want to be treated by a man and you should never settle for less. Just because you are a single mom doesn't mean that this man is your last chance at happiness. You are young and I know that there are plenty of good men that will be much better for you than a man who should know better than to hide you away! Best of luck to you.

Answer 6

I think it has alot to do with his kids. Are they still young?
See the thing with divorced and broken up families is that the parents care about how the kids handle the situation.
It's never easy for them seeing their parents split up, and this can turn to bitterness and resentment or the new craze 'emo'. But anyways, he's probably afraid that nows not the 'right time' to introduce a new 'mom' to his kids yet as they probably need adjustingto the idea and probably have attachments to their mom.

See, you gotta ask yourself some questions like.
How long have you known him for?

Are you BOTH serious about what you have?

Is your contact/communication with him regular on a day to day basis?

try not to rush into things because of this one problem.

The best thing to do is to confront him and talk to him about this issue before making a decision.

I think it's wise if you don't rush into this without thinking.
It could be that he's just waiting for his kids to settle in with the divorce and adjust to life without their mom. Which is probably why a move came into mind away from their past.

Answer 7

Your 20 years old a single mother and your dating a 30 year old divorcee with 2 kids , your BOTH hiding your relationship from your familes.

Stop watching days of our lives and the bold and the beautiful and end it , if you dont have respect enough for each other to come out and show your families your in love and your treating it like a dirty little secret then you arent mature enough to be in the relationship.Grow up please this is pathetic.

Answer 8

That's one messed up situation. Sounds to me like he is hiding you from his family and wants you to hide him from yours because he has something else going on he doesn't want anyone else to find out about. He is probably still with his wife, and telling her he is somewhere else. And with him in a whole different country than you he has all the time in the world to play husband while leading you along. Grow up, open your eyes and face the truth. All you are is some booty on the side, and if you think he is going to leave his wife for you, you are crazy. My advice may seem harsh, but I don't sugar coat anything, and it is in your best interest to get out of that situation ASAP.

Answer 9

Sweetie from what your saying this is not the one for you. Neither one of you should be hiding the other from anyone. Hiding isnt love or really any kind of relationship. Keep looking. Youll find the right one and when you do you both will want to share that joy with everyone. Good Luck !!

Answer 10

Are you sure he is in Canada with just his kids? I mean, you said that he says he isn't with his wife.. so where is she? If you really love him and if he really loves you, then why do you have to hide each other from your parents? I'd say that maybe both of you are undecided on your feelings...especially if you can't introduce each other to your families.......and also, why would he go to Canada and leave you in Phil.??....Maybe you need to just talk to him and find out what's really going on.

Answer 11

ITS A TOUGH SITUATION, YOU AND I ARE ALIKE EXCEPT THE LONG DISTANCE PART. MY NOW HUSBAND WAS SEPARATED FOR 4YRS BEFORE THEY FINALLY DIVORCED. THEY MOVED ON WITH THEIR OWN LIVES-HE AND I HAD A CHILD, LIVED TOGETHER ETC, HIS X LIVED WITH SOMEONE, WAS EXPECTING A CHILD ETC. WE BROUGHT TO THE TABLE 2 CHILDREN EACH. IN THE VERY BEGINNING(I THINK HE WAS STILL "SEEING" HIS WIFE) BUT WE HID EACH OTHER FROM EVERYONE, INCLUDING THE KIDS. I DIDN'T TELL MY FAMILY EITHER. NOW 6YRS LATER WE ARE MARRIED, AND WE DIDN'T EVEN GET MARRIED TIL THIS YEAR AND HE WAS DIVORCED IN '05.
I WOULD SAY WITH THE LONG DISTANCE, BEING COUNTRY AND ALL, "SEPARATE" GIVE IT SOME TIME. IT DOESN'T ALWAYS WORK OUT IN A FEW MONTHS, OURS TOOK YEARS. OH, AND MY HUSBAND IS 9YRS OLDER THAN ME, SO AGE MEANS NOTHING DARLING!
GOOD LUCK, IF YOU REALLY TRULY LOVE HIM AND CAN SAY HE IS YOUR SOULMATE, STICK IT OUT, DON'T WORRY ABOUT ALL THE "WEIRD" STUFF RIGHT NOW, YOU'LL KNOW WHEN THE TIME COMES.