Over 50% of marriages go to divorce, and many of the rest are unhappy. Is owning people such a good idea?

Question

Society idolizes marriage, but so much anti-social results happen from it. People can't make friends because of its confining effect, and the "all or nothing" attitude in pre-married people too. Doesn't anyone else notice this ? Isn't it another case analagous to "the Emperor's Clothes" story ? Everyone pretends its great when its really a lie?

Thanks to everyone for all your answers. Some people are lucky and don't see what I've seen.

Sorry JadeyOz, your assumptions and guesses are way off...and you need to read the long part of the question.

I love the answer from Janice, honest enough about the fact some people DO mistake marriage certificate as "ownership" papers, and great for you to have individual lives as well as integrated relationship for 38 years! Lucky! Keep it going. My beef is that most people sacrifice general sociability to the idol of marriage. Too much coldness, selfishness, "anomie" in western societies. (hey, JadeyOz, the word is idol, not ideal...learn about that word's meaning and effects)

I think I let this question go in the wrong category...I 'm not trying to discuss the quality of marriages, but rather the effect this social tradition has on society at large

Answer 1

I TOTALLY AGREE!!! I think marriage is a form of slavery and when the two people in the marriage do not comply to the set rules of marriages which are based by society's standards that both people have to go in and be hateful to each other. I really makes no sense to me. To be in a marriage is to be everything you are, everyday no matter what and having your other partner accept that.

Marriage is down right stupid. Why can't people just love each other without conforming to what society wants out of them. A relationship has enough demands without trying to live up to societys expectations.

Answer 2

Man this runs deep. Realize marrige is an instituition that was based on the ideals in the cathoic church. Unfornutly marriage without religion is sort of..... well bs. It doesn't work that way. It comes down to a fundemental fact elders figured out along, long time ago. Basically that relationship without PURPOSE is lost to the amorality of something that exsist for its sake alone. Like a lone animal, it well do whatever it takes to survive. Same for a marriage without the moral compass of religion. The individual in the relationship will do everything weather moral or not, to keep the relationship going. This is extremely evident in everything you mentioned. The exclusion factor, the fake-it-to-you-make it mentaility, and well actually most of our social problems can in some way be traced back to the perversion that the marriage system causes outside a religious infrustruture. In other words, as far as my opinion goes, we need something else, marriage has lost its sacrity and were running to find it, some way, some how, even if it cost us our kiddos.....

Answer 3

I wouldn't consider getting married the same as owning someone, but I can see your point of view. The truth is, marriage can be an amazing experience, but it can also be a horrible one. Even if two people really love each other, there are so many things that can change and happen in the future that there is no way whether or not to predict if it will last. You just have to believe in it. And I think that if you talked to a couple who just fell out of love ( I'm not looking at a cheating example) you will find that they don't regret being together, because there are so many good memories and things that happened to them when they were together that helped them grow. I think society still believes in marriage because it can work, but we are pickier now as people, which is fine, but it means that it is harder for us to be happy. I have to believe that it is possible to live happily ever after. I think everyone has to believe that, which is why we idolize marriage. And can you really blame us?

Answer 4

When the U.S. was founded our ancestors had a SERIOUS problem with Homosexuality (with many it bordered hatred) and were also "Christian". This mind-set stayed with some of the people through to today. Homosexuality WITHIN the Church (By Church I mean Christians not an institution) makes a mockery of the Church because sin makes a mockery of the Church. why? Sin shows hypocrisy because Christians are telling others that they are free from sin and that others shouldn't sin while still living in sin. Hatred of homosexuals, or anybody for that matter, is a sin and I think hatred within the Church makes an even bigger mockery of the Church than homosexuality and divorce combined. The divorce rate is a problem, gay marriage is a problem, BUT hating those who do such things and being fake about what we (Christians) believe is the BIGGEST problem. HOPE THIS HELPS!

Answer 5

Marriage is God's order for society. Societies ills are a result of sin; it's pretty much that simple. Marriages fail because of selfishness. When we worship our selves more than God, or when we put ourselves on a higher pedestal than our mate, we're going to get burned.

What is your source for 50% divorce? Someone just threw that figure out years ago and it has never been substantiated. It was a stat that added up the number of marriage licenses issued against the number of divorce decrees granted.

It does not consider that some people marry and divorce; marry and divorce; marry and divorce...one person can have 3-5 marriages and drive the stats wild. The data also doesn't consider an increase in population for a particular area. For instance, in my county people are moving there in droves; ;then divorcing. So there data is driving up our divorce rate, but not really. Don't throw stats around they're meaning can be manipulated to suit your agenda.

Answer 6

You're probably from a family where your parents divorced young and you were travelling from 1 to the other , your friend's , sibling's possibly have cheated on each other and you've known about it , you've probably seen the abuse in marriages , all of which would jade your judgement.

I'm guessing from assumptions above that your own relationship's have not been the fairy tale dream you imagined and you've been left with a broken heart quite a few times.But having a jaded idealism concerning marriages and committment will only bring you down and keep you down.

Dont State marriage as "Ownership" because it isnt , and not all marriages are the same.

Answer 7

Owning people is a terrible idea, but that is not what marriage is about. You should still be individuals and able to go after your passions in life. If you are refering to sex, well then you really shouldn't get married. I have never asked my husband to stop being who he is or that we must be together 100% of the time. He enjoys the company of his friends, male or female either alone or with me, if it works out that way. You never own anyone and if that is what anyone is doing in their marriage, then no wonder it may not work for them.

I love my marriage, I love my husband and if I had to pretend it was great, then I would get out of it. Life is too short to live it in misery. We definitely to not have an 'all or nothing' attitude except for sexual fidelity. Though he did cheat once, but unlike many others, I did not kick him to the curb but rather held him in my arms and he held me back tight, cried together, talked and grew closer. Marriage, like life, is what you make of it. You can't go into it expecting the other person to fulfill all your desires or take care of you, but to share the journey of life; whatever and wherever it takes you.

Answer 8

One of the biggest problems of marriage is that its participants mistake their marriage certificate for ownership papers!

Another problem I've noticed is a lack of commitment. You can't enter marriage with divorce as an "option" if you find you're having trouble.

I've been married for 38 years. I do not feel "confined", we both have friends (separate and mutual), we have diverse interests and personal time. We do things both as individuals and as a couple.

Marriage takes a lot of compromise and hard work. Not everyone is willing to do either.

Answer 9

Marriage is a great thing when two adults enter into it knowing what it is and what to expect in the future. I attribute the high divorce rate to the high stress pace of life today. Who has time to work on a marriage when the outside world presses in so hard on us? It is tough to keep everything together.
Is being single so much better? Being lonely and jumping from one unstable relationship to the next?
We need to improve the quality of life in general so that people will not have so much financial and health related stress. If people could afford therapy, if they didnt have to work quite so many hours, if the kids could go to college without the parents having to work like slaves to afford it....... marriages would stay together a lot more.

Answer 10

Being married is great. It does have its moments, however I don't think it is a lie. If it is a lie, I don't want to believe that. My husband is my best friend. We have friends together and separately. Most of the time we CHOOSE to spend with each other as he is my best friend, and I am his. We have a good life together. I am not saying it is with out problems...we have more than our fair share....outside influences....however we get through it. Before I had him in my life, I was happy. Before he had me in his life he was happy. Together though, there is nothing that can stop us. We have worked through some very difficult problems together and are a stronger couple because of it. Sometimes life hands us problems that are hard to face...two people together in a bond that is strong can get through these much easier than alone. Not to mention sharing the good times....he has a smile that melts my heart and a laugh that makes me laugh. I love this man, I would die for this man...and I know that he would for me. I don't think it is a lie.