why divorce is so high?

Question

From Dr. Laura:

According to a recent survey by the Pew Research Center, having children has fallen to eighth on a list of nine keys to happiness in marriage, way behind what is now considered more important, such as sharing household chores and being faithful:

1. Fidelity
2. Good sex
3. Sharing household chores
4. Adequate income
5. Good housing
6. Shared religious beliefs
7. Shared tastes and interests
8. Children
9. Agreement on politics
93%
70%
62%
53%
51%
49%
46%
41%
12%



... Of the nine qualities these folks mention as important for a successful marriage, only one had anything to do with giving, and that is children. The rest have to do with getting. Thoughts of division of labor and responsibilities are clearly out the window as the issue of which person might be doing more in the house than the other is more important. That sounds more like roommates than loving spouses.

When 50% more folks think that not taking one more bag of garbage to the curb than their spouse is more important to a marriage than combining love and energies into making a family, America is in trouble.

i fixed the list


93% 1. Fidelity
70% 2. Good sex
62% 3. Sharing household chores
53% 4. Adequate income
51% 5. Good housing
49% 6. Shared religious beliefs
46% 7. Shared tastes and interests
41% 8. Children
12% 9. Agreement on politics

"Too many people are being brainwashed on the whole purity and abstinence issues by the religious right. This encourages two virtual strangers to move in together after marriage and realize they don't know each other and are not compatible."

ok most people in america are protestant so sex is ok with them but if your catholic and dont believe in sex for anything but procreation then i dont see how that encourages strangers to get married without knowing each other.

yahtur i sympathise with you. im not saying divorce ahs no uses but divorce is treated as an easy-out in our society. im glad you left that woman but these people leave over such trivial things

Answer 1

>Marriage is high...and since marriage is the major cause of divorce, the divorce rate is high. All the rest of that is just conjecture.<

Answer 2

There are three major reasons divorce is so high.

1) Too many people are being brainwashed on the whole purity and abstinence issues by the religious right. This encourages two virtual strangers to move in together after marriage and realize they don't know each other and are not compatible.

2) Sexism is much less prevalent than it once was. So women who are in a marriage that isn't working, are far more free to just throw in the towel and say, "I'm doing putting up with this any more." Whereas in the old days, women were not so empowered to do this.

3) There is less stigma attached to a divorce these days. There was a time when a couple would do almost anything not to be a divorcee. But in this day and age people are less afraid of societal pressure and 'what will they think of me' kind of thoughts. So if they are unhappy in a marriage they are more likely to leave it than in the bad old days of repression.

There is nothing sad about how many marriage end in divorce, since many of them need to. The only negative is that too many couples jump in to having kids really early in the marriage, which means that kids get thrown through the turmoil of the divorce and then get to enjoy single parent families and step parents. There's the down side to it all.

But is this a reason to go back to a permissive sexist society, where women are almost considered property, nannies, cleaners, cooks and baby making machines? I don't think so.

Answer 3

I beleive its something I call the 90210 syndrome Your whole life music tv and movies have shown you relationships that are full of drama and conflict, so now thats what you subconciously feel is a desirable relationship. In your head you know better, thats why you want to meet someone "nice". But when you do instead of enjoying having someone treat you with love and respect you start creating drama or you get bored. Also for some reason when a married couple ease into that comfortable place where they are friends as well as lovers alot of people will start thinking that the spark has gone out and want out, They think that new love butterfly feeling is supposed to last forever and it always fades. Ask any couple who have had a long successful marriage and they will tell you that they are also best friends.

Answer 4

OMG!!!!!!! At a time when a President of the United States gets oral sex in the White House, the housing market is in terrible shape, when corporate GREED strips people of their hard earned pension plans and investments, when our "leaders" are caught red handed in the cookie jar and walk free, when professional athletes and movie stars get away with murder, when the values of a society, as a whole, sink into the toilet, when law enforcement is arbitrary, when policy makers and lawyers are concerned only with their own best interests, is it really any wonder that marriages dissolve? When drug and alcohol addiction runs rampant, when family courts give custody to abusive parents, when ...well..I think you get the picture. Where are our leaders? Who is setting a global example of kindness, honesty, hope..those ideals which hold a unit together? Why are they not on the news? Why do we see murder and mayhem? Why can we not even take care of our own citizens in this country but can care for millions of illegal aliens? I say.."WTF" I'm really glad that my life is more than half over....I dont know how much more of this insanity I can take.

Answer 5

I agree. And America is not only in trouble, it's in dire straits. Heck, we need volunteers these days just to keep spouses and significant others from killing one another over the most trivial things imaginable, let alone the biggies. No one wants to work at anything these days. Few work on their marriages and the rest are busy finding fault with their spouses. I'm glad I'm married to an old-fashioned guy who, like me, looks hopefully to our future together when we can rock in tandem on the front porch chairs.

Answer 6

There is a big divorce rate cuz people these days just get married just for the heck of it. They meet someone and like 3 months later they get married without really knowing the person and that will only lead to disaster cuz people are not getting married out of love anymore, they are just getting married for the heck of it in the Little White Chapel in Vegas getting married by Elvis, how can a marriage like that work?

Answer 7

Those items help but what I see as some of the problems are bad communication,selfishness,fears,anger and lack of self control,and hidden agendas.frustration because of these things we don't know how to deal with all of these problems and get by this.Some people are controlling, that's fear and obsession.Life isn't always easy to figure out.I think one thing couples can do is if they want to get married they should learn how to deal with these issues to get over the rough spots.Through counceling.

Answer 8

Agreed. America is very individualistic due to consumerism. It doesn't promote family. Just promotes buying a lot of crap. The fact that husbands can't even take off (without taking vacation) to help their wives when they have a child shows that it's a very unforgiving non-family oriented culture.

Answer 9

I think you are looking at it wrong. It is giving to give up every other person in the world and just give yourself to one person. It is giving to make sure you both have a good time in bed. It is giving to share responsibility in the relationship, instead of it always falling on one person. It is giving to provide a stable financial life for each other. It is giving to share your life with another person.

Answer 10

I don't think it is any of these things. I think it has more to do with people being lazy. People would rather go to court to get out of their problems, as opposed to fixing them. I do believe their are exceptions, infidelity and abuse. But I think many just get divorced because they don't want to confront issues or support their partner through rough times.

As you led to, many people seem to have the "me, me, me" outlook on life. If it doesn't benefit them, they want nothing to do with it. Heaven forbid someone give something not materialistic, to someone they love

Answer 11

It's the taking disease. The more you take, expectation and entitlement grow into dissatisfaction and resentment, and ultimately takes you to blame and contempt. We need to stop waiting to receive and give w/out expectation of receiving. Of course children are low on the list-they're need machines-people would rather have dogs.