I had 5 years of happy marriage and 2 years of going through the worst dovorce. My husband who was so loving for five years turned into a monster during the divorce. I seem to have totally blacked out on the two years of traumas, threats and torture and seem to be stuck with those five years of happy things. How do I move on ? It has been extremely difficult even with so much of family and frind's support. What is wrong with me ?
2007-10-14 15:14:12 · 13 answers · asked by Romi 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you are DWELLING on the happier times you had with him. you were shocked of how he acted and treated you at this time that it is still shocking. you need to seek professional counseling sweetie. you need to be shown how deal with the feelings you have after the divorce, and the feelings you had while married. there is a boat load of things that you need professional help with sorting out. sweetie you will get over it and will love again. but for right get some help. the help you need you cant get from the family and friends. you need an objective view, someone who dont know him and will speak on a professional and tell you the TRUTH not appease you so you wont hurt anymore. so you are hurting and it will hurt some more as you go but it wont hurt as much. always love self first and you will be fine. time heels all wounds. GodBless
2007-10-14 15:37:04 · answer #1 · answered by Crystal G 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is nothing wrong with you but you probably can't understand how someone can go from being so good to you for you for 5 years and then so horrible for the last two.
Take a piece of paper and on one side write the good things of the 5 years and the bad of the other two on the other side and tell yourself that it was not you but he that changed.
remember that if you have an animal, a pit bull for example, that is very well behaved and good for 5 years that turns vicious for 2 years, you get rid of the dog and don't allow him to destroy you, and then remember to think of your ex husband as that animal. Life goes in cycles. You had the 5 years of happiness and then the unhappiness, but somewhere out there if you chose wisely this time you will find the person who will give you many more years of happiness. Instead of thinking of past happiness, think of and plan for the future happiness. Good luck to you in the future!!
2007-10-14 22:38:19 · answer #2 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I normally tell people to look on the bright side of things. But not you, little sister! You need to stop thinking about those "wonderful" 5 years and concentrate on what a monster he was for the last 2 years. That should be enough to help you for the time being. And time will also bring you some happy surprises :) Meanwhile, keep busy and don't forget to help your Mom with Halloween, Thanksgiving and all the Christmas shopping. Make yourself useful and be out there!
2007-10-14 22:23:08 · answer #3 · answered by Chiksita 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Happy marriage isn't usually followed by divorce. The truth is that our mind normally blocks the bad and all we remember is the good. If id didn't work that way, we'd go crazy remembering the bad stuff all the time.
I don't think there's anything wrong with you. If you had five "happy" years, that's great and more than many have. But if you dwelling on the past your not living in the present. Unfortunately, most of us live either in the past, or in the future (dreaming about what could be).
Why not choose to live in the present?
2007-10-14 22:21:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, abuse is hard for everyone to get over. When children suffer abuse, they often have to spend years in therapy to overcome it. Married people are vulnerable like children in the sense that you open up the deepest and most secret parts of yourself to someone, and when that trust is betrayed the devastation is understandable. Also, divorce is a death. It's the death of a relationship, a love affair, a life, and a dream. Grieving is normal. I don't think there's anything wrong with you. Everyone grieves in their own way and in their own time. If you feel like you're stuck and not getting anywhere in getting over what happened to you, I would suggest seeing a counselor or reading some books on overcoming divorce. There are also tons and tons of divorce recovery support groups out there, and they advertise their meetings in the local newspapers. And remember to be kind and patient with yourself. You've been through a lot.
2007-10-14 22:22:01 · answer #5 · answered by No Shortage 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with you. I was married for 12 years. The first 8 where great. The last 4 where HELL. After i left he only got worse. My friends and family would tell me it was about time i left and would put him down. I am glad i had my friends to stick by my side but what noone understood is that even though there was alot of bad times there was good times too and i needed to talk about those times also. Not having noone to talk to about them made me dwell on them and they would push out the bad memories. You need to find a friend you can really talk too and work though all the times and you will eventually be able to see the bad times and the past wont cloud your future. Good Luck !!
2007-10-14 22:28:30 · answer #6 · answered by I'M LISTENING !! 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it is hard to let go of someone u loved and thought u had a future with, but that soon changes when divorce is started, they do turn into someone we hardly know. it might have been good once but when it turned bad it turned really bad, so u just have to focus on what was wrong, and how lucky u are to be out of it now. when something turns ugly it never returns to what it use to be. all marriages were happy at one time, and the future looked good in the beginning, but there are no guarantees, its just that we hate to admit we made a mistake, and its so hard to see the person we gave out heart to as being this mean spirited kind of person. it is hard to let go, because its almost as if we think this person is suddenly going to come back into our life and be like they were, but after all this there is no going back, and we got to stop expecting them to come back and be sorry or be like they were. u want your old life back when things were safe and u were happy, but unfortunately that's not going to happen and u have to accept the truth.
2007-10-15 07:21:28 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Write down a list of positive and negative experiences during your five years. I doubt there will only be positive things. All of us value ourselves and when divorce happens our self-esteem is damaged. I would suggest you really look at this man and if you are honest with yourself he was not all that great. Involve yourself in activities, massage, yoga, etc. Fix your self-esteem by being around positive people and vow to not talk about him for three or four days at a time. Good luck.
2007-10-14 22:23:49 · answer #8 · answered by curious K 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nothing is wrong with you. If your good times out way the bad times remember them and that could mean you put your all into the relation ship and its going to hurt but you will find someone that will give you even more happy times then you had before.
2007-10-14 22:28:16 · answer #9 · answered by tiana2404 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that probably you are just getting a little scared of the future....you have been used to having a partner/husband and now its all change.
I think in a couple of months you will look back and thank your lucky stars!
2007-10-14 22:18:45 · answer #10 · answered by ♥Honesty ♥.•´ `*.¸ ♥ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋