I'm in an awkward situation.?

Question

I am 48 and recently separated from my wife(Sandy) of 20 years.She is 55.The problem is that I have started an affair with HER daughter(Ellen) from a previous marriage (she is 33).I think that the two of us are much more compatible and that we would be much happier .Noone on either side of the family is aware of what's going on however I know we can't keep this a secret for much longer (she is moving in with me at the beginning of the month).I did help raise her from the age of 16, however her natural father WAS always a part of her life, so I wasn't REALLY her father. Is this wrong or would it be considered accaptable. Please let me know what u think. Thank you.

Answer 1

let ellen move in with you but tell sandy guys that you raised her like a daughter to so you want her to live with you move away from them and live a happy life even though it may be wrong but its love ind love is true what can i say take her dont loose her

Answer 2

That is definitely an interesting situation.
Considering you helped raise her and was a "second-father" to her then it will definitely be frowned upon by most likely both sides of the families.
I'm sure you understand why they might feel the relationship is inappropriate; however, only you can decide what to do and if you should continue with the relationship.
I would be more worried about your ex-wife/her mom because they will most likely have some harsh words for eachother when the relationship is announced. You are also ruining a mother and daughter's relationship which will most likely never be the same again; however, you have already been with her for a while so either way the relationship will be ruined- it is up to you to decide if it's right or wrong, but I think deep down you know it isn't right and that is why you are questioning yourself through this question.
Good luck to you and I hope you make the right decision.

Answer 3

The whole point of Question's and Answer's is having a place we can come and vent our problems , ask for help and take on board the advice given and be able to process the BS from the real people wanting to help the situation , while not all Question'ers actually heed the advice after processing it and use it to make their live's less stressful and more comfortable / manageable a lot of people do actually move on after the advice is given.

When I give advice it's usually based on a double sided coin , I tend to give the side where the problem is real and does need tending to and advise moving on and giving yourself time to mourn the loss of a marriage or a loved 1 and then taking up some hobbies like art classes or theatre group's , what ever is needed to rebuild the self esteem and the inner soul.

On the other side of the coin I give the negative , where I dont totally believe 100% that the question is actually viable or true and honest , like when someone just gets bored and basically writes a question that sounds like something out of a story they read some where.

Question'ers dont feel the need to give name's , not their real name's anyway's , so they use letter 's like L or J , or acronyms like Joe and Martha .

For this question I am afraid even though it may get me many thumbs down , I feel that this question is not real.

Answer 4

Okay let me get this straight: you've recently separated from your wife of 20yrs. You've already met a woman that you want to move into your house. And that woman happens to be your soon to be ex-wifes daughter who you raised from the age of 16.

Geez, and you expect people to believe this relationship with her daughter only just began after you left her?! At least be honest with yourself ~ the attraction has been there for years and you were probably involved with Ellen before you left Sandy.

You already know the answer to your question ~ of course it's innappropriate and unacceptable ~ otherwise you wouldn't have asked. You will ruin your own family life and take Ellens mother away from her as well. Think again.

Answer 5

You know this is wrong or you wouldn't be asking the question or keeping it a secret. Your ex will be horrified. Tell Ellen that you must end this and find someone your own age. Ellen should consider therapy as to why she would hurt her mother this way. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Answer 6

it spells trouble. to get entangled between mother and daughter puts you in hot water-it's more than awkward - it's complicated. but i believe that things would somehow get less complicated if you talk it out. your ex's daughter is obviously old enough to make a decision on her own.

what really bothers is that you used the word "affair". have you to been together even before you and her mother got separated? if you have, then it's wrong and obviously not acceptable.

in situations like this, you've got to think long term. think and rethink, consider and reconsider everything, because your situation is one of a kind. consider the impact it would have between mother and daughter, if your ex would find out.

Answer 7

Wow.....Dear Abby had this come up a few weeks ago but instead the boy was in love w/ his dad's ex-wife.

OK..so there is no blood BUT you were a "father figure" for her for many years. So this really isn't a good idea.

I think that you really really should think about this before you do it. And what if you guys have kids, how are you doing to explain that you are both grandpa and daddy?

Answer 8

You know the answer to your own question, but you hoping we will tell you it is ok. Yes, it is wrong. It is wrong since your were her step-father. It is wrong because it is your "wife" daughter. I don't think you care to hear our answers in the first place. Don't fool yourself, you are going to cause a big rift between your ex-wife and her daughter. It is time to start doing the right thing. God bless.

Answer 9

I find it to be very wrong. My guess is that it is a way for you to 'get back at' the wife in a way that will destroy her. Shame on you and the daughter for acting out your forbidden fantasy. Unbelievable. I wouldn't be surprised if the wife/mother acts out violently toward you, and if she doesn't, the daughters father may.
If I were you I would be very careful. You are playing with fire.

Answer 10

NO WAY is it acceptable. Do the right thing and tell your wife first, then get a divorce, then choose Ellen if you must. Do not carry on what you're doing now, behind Sandy's back.