My children live differing distances from me and we are not particularly tight. I do not want any of them feeling that they should rearrange their lives in order to take care of me during an extended illness; therefore, I have opted not to tell any of them. What would you do in this situation?
2007-10-14 14:32:10 · 11 answers · asked by marshfield_meme 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
YES, until very near the completion of my stay on this planet!! I would let them know then, have a lil time to talk to each other, clear the air, express love&appreciation for each other!! You are a very very brave lady!! My mother never knew that I went to Viet Nam, in 1970, my former wife would forward letters to me, so I could anser,&she'd re-mail them for me. We told her the truth after I was back in the states for a year!! Just didn't need her worrying about me!! Loved her too much to tell her!!!
2007-10-14 16:03:39 · answer #1 · answered by happywjc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What would you gain by telling them or what would you lose by not. You have been in turmoil and spent time in making your decision. Either you are a protective parent that wishes to spare the stress before the shock or,,,,,,,,,,,,,,because you are not paticularly tight you fear guilt and obligation would make big changes. You don't want to upset thier lives but at the same time you don't want to go it alone. No one does. Right now you need thier love and comfort more than ever but you are afraid. A good parent would be. But, think of it this way: If your parent kept a secret like that how would it effect you? Is that what helped you make your decision? Here's the important thing. You know yourself and your children better than anyone else in the world and by weighing out all the if's in this situation gave you the right answer, stand by it. However, if you possibly missed an if or two then don't let a what if stand between you and your support system. Life only gives you one go around use it wisely. My best hopes for you and yours.
2007-10-14 16:17:22 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
my mother is in a similar situation, she is ill, and all 3 of us live in different states and cities, my mother basically abandoned all of us while we were still minors, with no remorse. not saying this is what you did, but with our mom, she now needs us to help, but I guess since that bond is not there none of us feel obligated to do so, and we are not willing to uproot our families for a person we really never had a relationship with. I really hate to admit this, but this is how it is, but she did tell us what was going on with her, and I do wish I could do more 'from a spiritual standpoint' if you understand what I'm saying,
I think you should go ahead and tell them your situation, and allow them to make the right decision based on how they feel, you should also pray about, because I feel that one of your kids will feel led to take care of you, you know it is always that one, out of all your kids, that will have that compassionate heart....God Bless
2007-10-14 14:56:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My children know. Once I kept it from them that I thought I was going blind - it was sorted out and I didn't but they were very angry with me. Then I hid that I had had a stroke, when they found out they were angry and so deeply hurt, now they know everything about me and my illness (I am virtually housebound and on oxygen,)and we are closer than ever. My son and I share a tenancy and my daughter a bus-ride away with her kiddies, she is unwell at present so we had the kids from yesterday until today so she could get some rest. Whatever happens share it with your family please - it is the only way they will be able to come to terms with it and they need to be able to show you they care don't rob them of that! Many blessings on you - please trust your kids to do the right thing they will!XXX
2007-10-14 14:50:46 · answer #4 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing is more important then family,especially your Mom and Dad. You can never replace them. And even if you arent especially close to them,they need to know. You brought them into this world,you gave them life. Now by all rights they need to be helping you, even if its just thru talking over the phone. You do not need to facing anything alone. God Bless you. I hope things get better for you in all ways.
2007-10-16 15:06:18 · answer #5 · answered by MG425 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Regardless, I would tell them. No matter what the situation is, you at least need to let them know.
Don't give up on yourself, either. God has a way of working out things.
Take care of yourself.
2007-10-14 14:37:03 · answer #6 · answered by Sweet Brown Sugar 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think I personally would spare them the details. I would arrange for a pre-paid funeral, buy a cemetary plot, then go see each of them, visit the grandkids, give away prized possessions NOW so the kids won't fight over them later. But hey, thats me
2007-10-14 15:28:10 · answer #7 · answered by avravalleyjohn 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd tell them. Maybe they have unfinished business with you. They could make things better if they knew. This might be very important for them, after all is said and done.
If you don't want them rearranging their lives for you, tell them that.
2007-10-14 14:42:19 · answer #8 · answered by kiwi 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would tell them. Nothing is worse than someone, especially a parent, dieing unexpectedly. Just explain to them that you don't want them to change anything and come take care of you. Tell them you just didn't want them to get an unexpected phone call one day.
2007-10-14 14:37:58 · answer #9 · answered by ?Dawn? 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I would tell them. Thay have a right to no. Let them make up there own minds to what thay want to do. I would not want to be alone. Good Luck.
2007-10-14 14:41:54 · answer #10 · answered by patches 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋