Why should I give urban Black Americans a chance anymore?

Question

I know that sounds ignorant and prejudice and judgmental...but being a. female b. from another culture c. mixed I have had similar situations with about 95% of black american men where they either hate me because I'm "different" or simply see me as a sexual interest and when I don't find them attractive due to personality and/or looks...they end up hating me. I always get hurt by them, whether I am in school, work or in an every day scene or social setting. I try to stay open minded, but I'm sick of the sexual comments, the rude remarks the grabbing, touching...

Urban black American women tend to hate and talk about my appearance as well...no matter if I am professional/ friendly. I'm not fake to them, but I'm sick of getting burned/harassed/teased.

NOT ALL ARE LIKE the ones I described but a good percentage.

Should I just stay away and not give these type of men a chance since they ultimately end up hating me?

No rude comments please.

Ummm I have *NEVER* dated any of these guys, I don't even flirt! Don't presume! I carry myself very dignified and professional, but I still get treated like a sexual object!

Answer 1

You need more confidence when it comes to sticking up for yourself. Why do you need these people to like you? If they are making you feel small, make them feel small. Toughen up, these guys forget you the second you are out of sight, so why are you worried about their feelings?

Answer 2

I'm black (well partly anyway), didn't grow up in the city but the suburbs. I am mixed too. I get the same thing as you. I cannot imagine living within any city limits and hardly want to work within a city either.

But remember it's a cultural (socioeconomic) difference, not a racial issue. I often don't like whites (or any other race) from urban settings either. I am anti-rap, anti-thug, anti-stereotypes so anyone who displays the stereotypes is not going to be my friend...my date or anything else.

Most blacks in an urban setting conform completely to the surroundings. If you are different, you are a threat. You are hit on because they want to force you to their level or force acceptance or dominance. Same kind of thing occurs in every social group setting. Take a class on Social Psychology and you'll get more details. People of all races will lump you with "urban" blacks if your skin is brown no matter where you were raised or who you were born to.

Answer 3

1st -Honestly, You cant just lump a group of people together and say all urban men behave a certain way.

2nd- It has nothing to do with the way you look!

3rd- You have to be mindful of who you let into your circle. Just because someone wants to "holla" at you doesnt mean you gotta "holla" back! You can tell a lot from a person by their appearance and one conversation. If you want a better selection of men, set standards for yourself and stick to them.

If you have standards for yourself, but will have to respect that.

If a guys first interactions with you is... "Whats up shawty! You fine az z a mofo, (and this type of behavior does not please you!) dont entertain it. Walk away then and their or tell him your not intrested. Im not talking down you to you,,, Im telling you from expereience.

I have let people into my life who came in disresepecting me and decided that I want something different. People will treat you the way you let them! If someone approaches you in a way that is demeaning or disrespectful, don't take it. You may feel lonely at first, but later you will start to attract the guys that really deserve to meet someone like you.

Next, I am an "urban" black woman, and I dont know what kind of sistahs you have been meeting, but it dont ge "no better" than me. So I would have no reason to dislike you because I guess your cute. Im cute too... so not all black women are like that. You just ran into some haters...

Lastly, if you feel like everyone hates you... maybe you need to check yourself. Quite frankly, I dont see everyone you meet being envious of you and wanting to hate you. Its a difference between carrying yourself well and being a snob. Which one are you?

Answer 4

You are dealing with ignorant people thats all. By ignorant I don't mean they are ignorant because they are black. I mean ignorance in the general term of the word. Ignorance knows no race, religion or sexual orientation. The thing is that for the most part the mayority of ignorant people are poor. This is because they don't have acess to the same resources. Unfortunately black people in america are among the poorest people. Its not even funny. It is very disproportionate. One side effect is ignorance. It is really a result of the uneven distribution of wealth. Its the same in all parts of the world but with different people.

You have to remember that this is the culture they grow up with. A lot of these people have nothing so the way they measure success is different than with people with money. If you live in a poor neighborhood then a wealthy person is the one who has power. So, if you are a thug you will be more respected. Along those lines the more woman you have or can get to sleep with then is also a measure of currency. So, by those rules they are trying to do as best as they can which for your case it will seem as worst as they can. But, what choice do they have if that is all they know. Again, this scenario plays the same all over the world with different cultures.

My advice to you is not to give it too much importance. I mean the black or white thing. Evaluate each person base on their own merrit. ******* are a dime a dozen in this world and they come from all walks of life from the richest to the poorest shortest or tallest.

Answer 5

It sounds like there might be some ignorance, combined with a touch of jealousy. You're more successful than they are, and an underlying cultural difference (the idea that light-skinned Black people are treated better than the darker ones) might also play into how they're treating you. I agree with Mr Gees entirely on the cultural aspects--some may simply not know any better.

I would honestly drop them like a hot rock if I were you, and if they bother you that much, it's time to leave them behind. I wouldn't stay around my own Cherokee people if they treated me that way. It isn't that you don't deserve them---rather they don't deserve you.

Answer 6

I don't think you should give up on an entire race completely b/c of some jerks. Race shouldn't even be an issue...just judge each person individually.

I know there are some black gentlemen out there...I happen to be friends with some, but these are usually the types of guys who aren't outgoing or skirt chasers. They're more into their education or careers.

As far as black women go, there are some cool ones out there too....I being one of them. Again there seems to be a pattern b/c I also kinda keep to myself too. Maybe if you check out some professional scenes you might meet different types of people.

I don't know how old you are, but usually professional scenes can give you a different type of crowd.

Answer 7

You say Urban Black Americans like it's some kind of club; will I be able to recognize these people by some sort of badge or uniform they wear?

I think you're talking about ghetto people or people with ghetto behavior. Womanizing sexists, and loud haters. Call it for what it is. Not all Black people are ghetto, and certainly not all urban people are ghetto. But if you keep walking through the 'hood, you're gonna get that kind of treatment by rude people. Just stay away from people with rude behavior and leave the classifying to the census bureau.

Answer 8

Well you have tried many times to establish something with them, and each time you have noticed a trend. Maybe this gruff cultural clash is a way of letting you know you need to find someone who is more like you. Whatever that is.

Good luck

Answer 9

You say you don't want any rude comments yet the question is rude...actually more than rude to begin with. Secondly I don't that urban Blacks care what you think of them nor of your existence. Especially when you have negative things to say.

Answer 10

this is a stereotypical type like blue collar worker, white ruling type, or much greater imprecise is the term “center type.” basically this is a demographic stereotype type used normally by potential of sociologist to define a race of people who stay in a definite putting, i.e. inner city. This term does not seem at persons quite it particularly stereotypes communities of people.