My ex-fiancee knows I have been having a hard time. She wants to help me by being my friend. I don't think I can be her friend because I still have feelings for her. She wants to help me am I being selfish?
2007-10-14 13:55:50 · 20 answers · asked by jondoe 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First of all, I don't think you're being selfish. I think you're being guarded. You still have feelings for her, so you're putting up a wall. If she wants through that wall, sincerely, to help you, maybe you should let her try. You can always end the help if you think it's harder on you but she apparently cares about your feelings or she wouldn't offer to help. That's what friends are for. Time is the best healer and she may need you to be there for her someday and I bet you will.
2007-10-14 14:08:06 · answer #1 · answered by doglover 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Adults of the opposite sex cannot be "just friends"*. One or the other or both will either think the relationship is something more or want it to be something more. You are kidding yourself if you think you can end a love relationship and still be close friends.
*By friends I mean someone you would call just to have a conversation with or go hang out with one on one just to be together. This does not include people who you might be friendly with in a group setting or might call to ask a particular question or coordinate an event.
2007-10-14 21:18:05 · answer #2 · answered by atomzer0 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. Your not being selfish. She wants to ease her conscience, and you want to move on. You are entitled to move on with your life. Just do it. Tell her that you need time and space.
Tell her you will call her for lunch later in the future when you feel up to it. Then slowly let the whole past relationship fade away. You do not have to be friends with someone when there is that much discomfort involved.
2007-10-14 21:10:04 · answer #3 · answered by pink 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand what you are going through. The best thing that you can do is tell her how you feel because she will know that you are doing this not to be mean but because you don't want things to get weird for her. Tell her that you appreciate the fact that she does want to be there for you as a friend but at this point you want more than a friendship and thank you. She will understand because probably the last thing she wants is for things to be weird for you. I hope I was able to help.
2007-10-14 21:03:29 · answer #4 · answered by gabrielaqlejandra 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, your just trying to do what you think is good for yourself. It's kind of natural in this situation. I think you should just have a talk with your ex-fiancee and tell her how you feel.
2007-10-14 21:04:58 · answer #5 · answered by astrolame 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No I don't think it's being selfish. If you know you still have feelings for her and she wants it to be over then it's over...she can't really expect you to care for her less than you do just so she can "be there for you". It sends to many conflicting messages for you both.
2007-10-14 21:01:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell her exactly that. Maybe she will understand that you are trying to protect both ofyou.Follow your heart. If you can't take it,telling her that.
Also tell her if you did not respect her you would go ahead and allow things to get tangled up. But because you love and respect her, you need to do this on your own - but say thanks,cos she obviously respects you too!
Lucky you - many people have no one who cares at all whether they live or die. She cares for you enough to ask; what a gift!
Be true to yourself though!
WW
2007-10-14 21:05:33 · answer #7 · answered by Gurl Heroin 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, not exactly. If you can't do this friend thing, you'd be wasting her time as well as putting yourself through grief. Better for both of you not to go down this road. Do acknowledge her effort-- "It is sweet of you to offer, but I just don't think I'm ready to handle that..."
2007-10-14 21:00:40 · answer #8 · answered by palan57 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
be strong and break the contact. think of that old Kim Wilde song "you just keep me hanging on" .
It's easier to move on if there is no contact. you can't let her help you (you dont' say what kind of help she is giving) if you are constantly being confused by being with her.
seek this help elsewhere.
good luck!!
2007-10-14 21:04:22 · answer #9 · answered by sass24 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no, Tell her that you can't be her friend right now say thanks for the help and that be that. But if you ask me she's only offering to help you as a "friend" because she still have feelings for you too.
2007-10-14 21:03:35 · answer #10 · answered by Bookbabe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋