Ok, my parents were married for 41 years. My dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer February 01 and he?

Question

went through a horrible time with this disease and died 6 months later. Their 41st anniversary was in June 01 (the last one they had together) and it was just days before he was confined to the bed until he passed. My father took my mother out to eat at a very nice place to celebrate. He passed away in August of 01 so that dinner was the last place they ate together outside of their home, AND it was their anniversary. My mom ended up marrying someone else this past year, 5 years later, and I found out the other day that she met my brother to drop something off to him, with her new husband at the same place my dad had taken her to celebrate their anniversary. Would this upset anyone else? By the way, my brother had no idea that's where our Dad had taken her.

Sorry, I forgot...not just drop something off...they actually went in and ate.

Answer 1

So what? Your mother will carry her memories of your father with her where ever she goes. so she went to this restaurant after she went there with your father. The restaurant is not your father and if she went there with someone else it is not a big deal

I think the issue you really have is with your mother not mourning your father or respecting his memory in the way that you think that she should. Leave her alone. If she has managed to find a way to come to terms with her devestating loss and has found happiness again you should be happy for her as I am certain your father would be. Love means wanting the other person to be happy.

Answer 2

You may have a wide array of solutions here. 5 year survival = zero in this trouble - if the analysis is correct. I am a retired clinical oncologist - america - twenty years experience. I spent most of my time looking to speak humans out of chemotherapy on this obstacle. Many folks is not going to take NO for an reply. We with ease do not have a excellent medication for pancreatic melanoma unfold to the liver. At first-class the medication could buy a couple of months at a large rate with dubious exceptional of time beyond regulation. I am assuming you wish to have the unvarnished actuality. You do not have got to inform your stepfather if he prefers to reside in hope. We do not like to extinguish all hope for the sufferer. I've at all times thought the loved ones should be aware of the true difficulty when you consider that they will be going on. I did are trying to give an explanation for the quandary overtly for the sufferer, however some would not receive the fact that we wouldn't have a medication for this ailment. This is human nature. You be taught this as an oncologist. It is true that some oncologists will quite simply treat with out explaining. It's so much turbo and easier and extra moneymaking this way. I was once no longer a kind of. But I retired early - earlier than age 50. Trying to explain dangerous information is like beating your head against a wall. Denial and anger are powerful forces in these situations.

Answer 3

I'm sorry for your loss.. my mother died from the same cancer.

And i'm going to try and be as gentle as i can with this answer -- i don't see what difference it makes where your mother and her new guy eat. And perhaps in going there, your mother can experience some fond memories at the same time.

It's what in your heart that counts, not where you go.

Your mom isn't "cheating on" your father by going to the same restaurant with her new husband.... she has had to move on, and really it wouldn't be healthy for her to say "Oh i can't go there! That's where my husband and i had our last supper."

Your mother does not seem to have a distorted view of the world. And it would not be healthy for your mother to avoid the restaurant (or anywhere else she and your father went).

The restaurant is just a building -- and it's a place your mom probably enjoys. let her enjoy it with her new husband. Also she just might be reminiscing about the wonderful times she had with your dad when she visits that restaurant.

take care...

Answer 4

you have a super selection of solutions right here. 5 365 days survival = 0 in this occasion - if the diagnosis is authentic. i'm a retired scientific oncologist - u . s . a . of u.s. - 2 many years journey. I spent maximum of my time attempting to communicate human beings out of chemotherapy in this occasion. a lot of human beings won't take NO for an answer. We basically don't have a good scientific shield pancreatic maximum cancers unfold to the liver. At superb the scientific care could purchase some months at a extensive rate with doubtful high quality of further time. i'm assuming you desire the unvarnished certainty. you do no longer could desire to inform your stepfather if he prefers to stay in wish. we don't desire to extinguish all wish for the affected person. I even have consistently theory the kinfolk could understand the authentic difficulty via fact that they are going to be going on. I did attempt to describe the region brazenly for the affected person, yet some would not settle for the actuality that we don't have a treatment for this ailment. that's human nature. You learn this as an oncologist. that's authentic that some oncologists will basically handle devoid of explaining. that's a lot quicker and greater convenient and greater worthwhile this form. i became into no longer a sort of. yet I retired early - in the previous age 50. attempting to describe undesirable information is like beating your head against a wall. Denial and anger are effectual forces in those circumstances.

Answer 5

No i wouldnt be upset , why? because your mother knew your father better then you ever will, and id be willing to bet that him knowing he would eventually pass away they had many talks about her moving on, and finding someone to make her happy.. , so i doubt that he'd be hurt by this , if nothing else, she probably feels closer to him by being there.. Your mom and dad shared things that her and her new husband will never share.. she has memories that fill her heart and mind that no one will ever be able to take from her.. She is still very much in love with your dad, and she lives her life sharing every moment of it with him in her heart... Your dad loved her enough while he was alive to want your mom to be happy, and to keep living and not dwell in what could of been or to avoid life.. she has not forgotten him..and im sure theres a part of her that looks at where they sat and it makes her smile..it was a good memory for her.. , everything she has 41 years, is wrapped up in her heart, and soul, not in a resturant.. You need to let her live, just as your father would want her to.. Id be willing to bet.. her new husband as much as im sure she loves him... cant every compare to your father.. he's someone to keep her from being lonely and living out the rest of her life sad and alone.. her true love is in her heart, and that would be your father.. ur mom knows this, your father knows this, and im sure your step father knows this to, now its time for u to realize it too..

Answer 6

No, it wouldn't upset me. If your parents were married for 41 years, you must be an adult. Why shouldn't your mom go to that same restaurant? It was obviously a place she liked if your father took her there. She didn't marry someone three months after your father died - she married someone five years later. That's not disrespectful to your father in any way.

Answer 7

Sorry to hear about your dad and what a horrible way to go.
Have you ever stop to think that your mum went to that pacific place to dine because it makes her feel closer to your father?, not that she will ever tell her new husband. The other thing is, we all have to learn to move on with our lives after a tragedy and can't sit around in a stayed position or era of our lives because its going to upset someone. Life goes on and you also need to finish your grieving and moving on, but never forgetting your dad of course.

Answer 8

I'm so sorry for your loss, i no what it's like not to have a dad
(well kinda mine are separated but not divorced so i don't see him very much) but your dad dying is so sad, I'd cry everyday, so you have every right to be upset. But it's better for your mom to be happy, and isn't that what your dad would want? I hope i helped, I'll pray for you not to go through anything traumatic again.

Answer 9

I am sure that your Dad would be pleased that your mother has found further happiness in her life since his passing.
The fact that your mother chose that meeting place shows it holds happy memories for her. If your mother is comfortable with returning to places that she went with your father then the family should be happy for her.
& NO I would not be upset by something like that

Answer 10

Well yes in a way i would be upset, but then again I would have to be upset all the time. I sure they go to the same grocery store, church etc. together where she went with your father.
just try to ignore that part and remember the good things between you and your dad.