Would you think your husband was cheating if this happened?

Question

I discovered he was secretly calling a woman from his business cell phone, but deleting the call history on his phone. (I got access to his business cell account online)
I confronted him with this and he told me his calls to her were mostly business related, and she was just diagnosed with cancer, and he did consider her a friend, and called to check on her; he deletd the call history in fear that I wouldnt understand, and it just seemed like it would avoid more headaches than it was worth.
I didnt buy it, and kept ragging him about it, and the next thing I know, he's packing his sh*t and wanting a divorce. WTF!!!
Why such a drastic thing as a divorce over a supposed "friend". I was willing to half way believe him until he pulled the 'divorce thing'.
We have since reconciled, and I have dropped it. Do you think his story is legit, a coworker/friend with cancer, or do you think he was up to no good? (this woman lives in TX, and we live in Illinois, they met in an Army school)

I'm not saying they are stil sleeping together, an emotional affair, maybe, I'm wondering if maybe he was banging her while they were in that Army school together. The school lasted 3 weeks. Or maybe he is telling the truth.....who knows?

Answer 1

That loser had something going on.

Answer 2

Well, if they indeed did have a past together, and even if his story was the slightest bit true, why would he go to allllll the trouble to make up a story like that and delete the call history? If he didn't have anything to hide, the last thing that he could have done was make anything obvious. The way he is going about communicating to her is totally inappropriate, and if is enough to make him threaten divorce over something "small"-- huge red flag. I'm sure you have been considering your future together, but reconciling may not be the answer to future issues with him and with this woman. Pretty soon, he may be making excuses to visit her, and God knows what will happen then. It will be harder in the long run if he is allowed to continue his behavior, and it is up to you what you are willing to live with. I personally wouldn't accept this and I would seriously question my relationship possibly needing to move on. It sounds alot like you don't trust him to be checking his phone- how long do you want to have to be checking his phone and "babysitting" him to make sure he is faithful? Trust is the biggest issue in a relationship, and if you don't have trust, you don't have a relationship.

Answer 3

What made you look up his business cell account online in the first place? Were you suspicious at that time?
His story may well be true. I have male friends through work that my partner doesn't know, and I talked to one of them a lot on my mobile when he was going through a separation from his wife. There was never any suggestion of something between us, I was just someone he felt he could talk to and I felt an enormous sympathy for him.
You may have overdone the 'ragging' and he just couldn't take it anymore. According to my map, there is quite a distance between Texas and Illonois, so it wouldn't make an affair a simple thing.
You have decided to take him back, and you have dropped it, leave it dropped. You need to move forward, and obviously you are having some difficulty with it to have put up a question. Think about your future plans and the things that 'are', not what might have been.

Answer 4

I dont usually get involved in situations like this, but it does have a ring of truth to it. At least what he says is credible given the hostility you are showing now. I will tell you this. If he is innocent he is being done a great injustice for offering the hand of compassion. I too would leave a hostile environment in such a situation. If he is lying, it would be written all over his face and you wouldnt be asking this question. Why do so many women seek so hard to find evidence of infedality in their partners. (I guess men do it too) If we look in dark holes we will always find dark creatures. His actions are not that sinister that it warrants so much hostility. Trust the man, his explanation is plausable. A proverb " Oh what sensless sufferings come from problems that never arrive."

Answer 5

well... i will start by stating that this is only my opinion... and all other answers you recieve will be opinion as well.... only you and your husband can make the final decision.... and only you can decide whats best for you....

with that said...

I could understand the first part.... (about deleting the call history because you might not understand) i understand because i have done this in a relationship... when my ex husband was having some emotional problems... and my then boyfriend did not like him... it wasn't an ongoing conversation... but it wasn't sexual in nature either... just some encouraging words... but since my boyfriend didn't really like him... i decided to skip the drama of him seeing the number in my phone... there also was a time when i needed to hold on-going conversations with my ex-husband (due to property) and when it happened i informed my boyfriend... because there would be a series of calls... and i didn't want him getting the wrong idea. but back to you .... i think that there could be truth in your husbands story.... but if there were going to be many conversations and it was about her health... i think he could have just told you about it....
the divorce part is whats shocking... just from my experiences and exposure to relationships/marriages a man only threatens a divorce when he has something else lined up... or if he absolutely can not stand something that is going on.... if you were constantly nagging him about it... and it went on for quite some time.... and then he asked for a divorce... that's a little more believable... cause honestly you sound a little irriatating..... ( going through his business cell phone account, "ragging" him, and posting this question just to prove that you are right) JUST BEING HONEST! it could be a little overwhelming at times for him.... but if you asked him about it.... and then he gave his story... and you started asking questions about it, that same day... and he asked for a divorce, that same day... then i would say that the story was probably a cover up for something else...

it was the last part of what you wrote that promt me to answer.... i have been in the army for 6 years.... i have been to many amry schools and i know a lot of people that are in the army and married.... and meeting someone at a military school and then keeping in contact via telephone... is a bad sign! most military people keep in contact via e-mail.... so .... because of the distance factor i don't think that he is any longer involved with her.... but from what i know.... these are signs that something happened between them while at school.... JUST MY OPINION THOUGH!

Answer 6

To me an omission is the same as a lie. Although, would you have been okay with it if he had told you what was going on to start with? Maybe he was trying to avoid exactly what happened, I know that doesn't make it right but most men I know don't like to get in trouble if they can help it especially if it's nothing to them but something they'd get in trouble for. Ragging probably did not help. It sounds like you guys just need to learn how to communicate better. Hopefully you resolved the issue before you reconciled. It is a pretty far drive for an affair.

Answer 7

It could very well be that it was legitimate since she lives in Tx and you in Illinois, but the thought also comes to me that perhaps you are insecure and so checked his business cell account online because of that insecurity. If you show him insecurities in other ways in your life, that would cause him to perhaps delete the call history on the phone just for that reason and in hopes of not hurting you.
I would keep an eye out to see if he continues to call her behind your back but I think it may also help you to find a counselor to talk to and get an unbiased opinion as to whether you are being insecure in the relationship or there is something to really worry about. good luck to you!!

Answer 8

Wow it has got to be something more maybe not an affair but some feelings that should not have been there. Or it could just be he got tired of you ragging on him and figured you were never going to believe him and he did not want the constant battle. I would just keep a close eye on it but not bring it up unless you ahve something concrete

Answer 9

Sounds to me like there is more to this than "just being friends". I have been there and done that with my exes. If he is just friends with her, he would have no reason to delete the call history. And then to pack his things and want a divorce! If I were you, I would have to think long and hard about whether to stay with him or go your separate ways. I know, God do I know, that is easier said than done to leave, but life is way to short to be miserable and wondering if he is in a relationship with this woman.
Best of luck to you!!!!!

Answer 10

It all sounds a bit 'dodgy'. May be now he thinks that you know a little about this other person you will back completely and he'll carry on what he has been doing previously.
Have you thought of calling the listed number you found and asked the other lady wether all this cancer stuff is true. (You could get one of your friends to do it for you!)

Answer 11

it could just be a friend.. i mean if you nagged it constantly about it he may have just got fed up and said divorce out of stress and did not mean it.. but he should have told you about her.. you may have could have been her friend as well.. i have a male friend that my bf has met and they get along great.. but i have lived with someone that was really jealous and when that happens and one of the couple is like that the other will hide things.. that are innocent from the other person just to avoid a fight.. i am not saying your like that just telling you how it is when you think the other person is too jealous.. but now with the person i am with i don't hide my Friends.. or anything from him..