Although the Hunnic Empire focused more on conquest and war than the Romans, who concentrated on stablizing and expanding the empire, similarites in political structure and social classes arose.
2007-10-14 12:58:16 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ History
Yes, it is a good thesis, but I think it could be more organized.
Such as: "Although the Hunnic Empire focused on conquest and war, and the Roman Empire concentrated on stabilizing and expanding their empire, both had similarites in political structure and social classes."
2007-10-14 13:12:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
how about:
while the Romans concentrated on stabilizing and expanding the empire and the hunnic empire focused more on conquest and war, similarites in political structure and social classes between the two arose.
2007-10-14 20:04:46 · answer #2 · answered by sugapeachesgrl 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Check Wikipedia
2007-10-14 20:01:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's kinda wordy...and the part in the middle sounds a bit awkward ("who concentrated on stablizing and expanding the empire")
2007-10-14 20:00:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's pretty good. Try to simplify it. It's a little long. The thesis should sum up everything in your paper in one sentence. Try taking out the descriptions of what they did and just say that they focused on different goals for their nations. Good luck on your paper!
2007-10-14 20:10:07 · answer #5 · answered by Jessie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would take out the sentence about the Romans and add it later in the paper.
2007-10-14 20:02:15 · answer #6 · answered by {Emme_line} 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wordy
2007-10-14 20:04:06 · answer #7 · answered by Sam L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
too wordy, and rather questionable.
2007-10-14 20:10:35 · answer #8 · answered by Kelly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋