Why are we "hot and then cold" in a relationship?

Question

Why do people tend to push the other one away and then pull them close the next minute?

Why do we want affection one minute and then don't the next?

Is it normal to be this way after being with someone for awhile?

Answer 1

It's called a love hate relationship
you love having the security of someone in your life...
but hate being with the one your with

Answer 2

I think couples do this because they are scared of getting too close to one another. This usually happens when both people have had bad experiences in the past and in an attempt to prevent themselves getting hurt as they did once before they create a wall between themselves and their partner.

The problem with this is that once they have pulled away from each other they come to realise that they really do feel alot for each other and attempt to repair their relationship, but this can have damaging effects on their relationship in the long term and feelings can begin to fade when there are too many fall outs.

Is this normal you ask, well I'm not sure but I certainly think that alot of people who have relationships like this tend to find ways of sorting things out between them in one way or another.

Answer 3

I think it is normal for someone who doesn't know themselves or love themselves before they try to love someone else. How can we love completely if we cant love ourselves or don't even know who we are. Unfortunately we live in a society where it is all about instant gratification and no one takes the time to find out how to make themselves happy so they can love someone else. Its sad really but normal. Find someone who knows what they want from life and is very secure in who they are. Someone who is happy alone... they will be the one who loves without reservation

Answer 4

A mature relationship wont do that as much, you see this more with immature relationships. A younger man especially will be distant when he feels his emotions too out of control for a woman, he doesn't want to feel whipped. Women do this too to a lesser extent.

Answer 5

for the same reason that we are cold and then hot out of one :) things have their ups and downs every once in a while. it's normal.

if you live an emotional rollercoaster everyday though it's another thing and should be addressed accordingly.

Answer 6

Yes it is completely normal. All couples go through this. It's just part of us being imperfect.

Answer 7

we push because we are scared of intimacy, and we pull because we really want intimacy. we all want intimacy but sometimes life factors cause us to be scared of it - usually family baggage that makes us who we are. we want it but don't know how to feel comfortable with it. whoever is doing the pushing and pulling probably isn't aware of the needs they have that they are ironically scared of.

Answer 8

I think it's normal for girls. Since they are soo sensitive. They like it too! It just a way of showing that they like you.

Answer 9

Communication breakdown is the cause.

Answer 10

dear.. this is call try emotions.. sometime good sometime bad, sometime hot, sometime could... don't worry.. we all have this...don't afraid, somebody have this in high posiation , someone have in low.....